Child Pageants, why would you do this to your child?

Would you ever allow your child to compete in a child pageant? I sure as hell never would!  Why is there a need to take your young daughter and cake her face with make up, cover her in a spray tan, put in fake 'perfect straight white' teeth, but so much hair spray in their hair that the hole in the O-zone layer is going to triple in size in the next 2 years, and put her in skimpy or overly excessive outfits for a trophy? 

Why would you put your young daughter through that? you may think it is all cute to see your daughter all dressed up and pretty, but this goes beyond that. This is teaching your preschool aged+ daughters that it is ok to wear that much make-up, it necessary to look fake or plastic to get the best vote, and that you will only win if you look way to old for your age. 

You can not tell me that the little girl in this picture looks right. She looks airbrushed, and that is because she is. She has a spray tan and way too much make up. 

I am a firm believer that child pageants are a form of child abuse. I have seen on tv, Toddlers and Tiaras, so many of these girls crying and refusing to go on stage, yet their parents yell at them, force them into their outfits, pull their hair to style it, then force their child onto the stage to smile and pretend they are happy. 

"Toddlers & Tiaras debuted as a series three years ago after airing its pilot in 2008, and it is the kind of freak show we’ve come to expect from TLC, which excels at finding and exploiting subgroups for its unscripted series (My Strange Addiction, Extreme Couponing, Hoarding: Buried Alive), and in the process has become the odd and desperate child among its sibling networks, which include the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet. The series is a horrifying parade of freakishly madeup, sometimes bratty children being paraded around in hypersexualized outfits by their controlling mothers, who do things like feed their kids Red Bull and spray tan them until even Snooki would cringe. It’s now in its fifth season." ~ Andy Dehnart Jan 25, 2012 

I cringe every time I watch this show. I feel sorry for these children and want to pull them off the stage and wash their faces. 

Poor little JonBenet Patricia Ramsey was a child pageant star and was murdered over it. There was so much pressure being put on her by her mother, who was the one that ended up killing her. Her parents ended up trying to cover up her murder and blaming it on someone else. 

Having a child dress likes this draws attention to them from child molesters and pedophiles. It puts a target on the child's back that screams "I like to look older and show too much skin, come and get me."  Do these mothers not see what they are doing? They took a happy child who wanted to have fun, and then killed all the fun for them by taking things way to seriously. 

Yes, there are girls out there that enjoy this, but the mothers need to learn how to let their child be a child. Why can't a pageant be about how the kid looks in their natural element? No make up, no fake teeth, no spray tan, no hair extensions, no over the top outfits, just a child. 

This is how the little girls should looks in the pageants. A natural looking little girl who is adorable with out having to try.

This is what happens when Mommy is looking for a life sized barbie doll. Her little girl no longer looks like a little girl, she looks fake and unnatural.  

The dentist tried to kill me :)

Thursday was the day, the day that my tooth was going to be yanked from my mouth and never to be a part of me ever again.

I woke up feeling pretty good as I was getting my son ready for school. Once I dropped him off that changed, I was a nervous wreck. I just kept thinking of what happened last time they tried to pull my tooth and I did not want to feel like that ever again! I stared down the bottle that contained one little Diazepam pill. The pill that was supposed to make me feel better about seeing the dentist. I wasn't allowed to take the pill until 9:30am and it was sitting there on my desk taunting me. At the same time I wasn't sure I wanted to take it, I wanted to call my mom and tell her to not pick me up because I decided not to go to the dentist. I watched the clock slowly go from 8am to 9:30am, that hour and a half felt like forever. The longer it felt like it was taking the more I was starting to panic about the dentist.  My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, and I felt light headed.

9:30am finally showed up and the Diazepam went down the hatch. I want sure how long it was going to take before I could feel the effects or if it was even going to make a difference at all. 9:40 rolled around and I was still nervous as shit and thought I just wasted my time taking this damned pill.9:50 gets here and I have to pee so I walk to the bathroom. Out of curiosity I look in the mirror to see what my pupils looked like. They were really tiny and that made me giggle. So I shaded my eyes and the pupils got bigger. So for 5 minutes I played a game I called "they big, they little" while laughing my ass off.
My mom finally shows up and gets me to the dentist. I am sitting in the waiting room trying not to doze of. I am staring at the wall in front of me with the most blank look on my face. After about 10 minutes they call me back and I look at my mom and go "Goodbye Mother" and walk on back. Apparently the way I said it was funny because the nurse looked at my mom asking if I was ok. So my mom decided to tell the entire waiting room that I was on Valium.

I get back there and in the chair and so far so good. I let the assistant know that I have sleep apnea and can not fall asleep. I was doing a fairly good job at keeping myself awake. I found a very interesting spot on the wall and seemed to stare at it for 15 minutes. The assistant was nice and kept checking on me while we were waiting on the dentist to come in. I heard the assistant tell the dentist I cant fall asleep and the dentist said "I cant keep her from falling asleep." Then when the assistant said "we just need to wake her up if she does." The dentist said "Oh, I can wake her up but I cant stop the girl from falling asleep." For some reason, that was very funny to me and I had to keep myself from laughing.  So the dentist puts that gel stuff on the inside of my cheek and gums to numb me up for the needle. That was the part that freaked me out the most thanks to the week before. I felt the needle go in, thank God it didn't hurt too bad, but when she pulled the needle out I very calmly went "Oooww.." and the nurse found that funny because she laughed and said that she had never heard someone say ow as calmly and nonchalantly as I had.

Nothing exciting happened until time to yank this broken bitch of a tooth from my mouth. Apparently it was in there pretty damned good too because all I saw was my dentist double fisting the fucking pliers and a lot of wrinkles on her forehead. I also heard her telling the assistant that my tooth was wedged in there pretty well. Just my luck. She was pushing, pulling, yanking, and twisting those fucking pliers while grunting under her breath. My jaw felt like it was going to be snapped lose. My cheeks were killing me and it took all my strength to keep my mouth open. As soon as she took the pliers out to try something else I closed my mouth and the assistant started massaging my cheeks for me. I never thought having my cheeks rubbed would feel like heaven but oh Lord did it. It was short lived though, we had to continue the process. Within what felt like hours (only 10-20 minutes) there was a nice bloody clump of something coming out of my mouth. She still wasn't done though! Since the tooth was broken prior to getting pulled she had to pull out the broken part. I remember different tools moving around my mouth. Then I felt the sharpest, bone piercing sting. The dentist moved the tool for a second, tried again, and I felt the same pain. The dentist said she didn't know why that spot was not numb but everything else was. This was the same spot that kept the tooth from being pulled the week before. I am still all Diazepamed up so it hurts but I am doing very well at keeping calm and relaxing my body (would have been so much worse without the drugs) so I was handling this very unwanted pain pretty well. Then the dentist said........ "don't panic" DIAZEPAM GONE NOW! I managed to squeak out the words ok. I felt the pain and she kept saying "almost, almost, almost" then I felt no pain and saw the tools leaving my mouth. Oh. Thank. God! The last piece of tooth was out!!

Thank God this whole experience was over. I walked out with a wad of gauze shoved in the back of my mouth trying not to talk and I was home free. It has been a few days since this happened and I am surprised at how little pain I am in. My jaw aches when I eat and I am terrified of getting food anywhere near where I had the extraction, but I am pretty much pain free. The weirdest feeling was before the stitch started to dissolved I could feel it on the inside of my cheek when I talked. I get to go through all this a few more times though with root canals in the upcoming weeks and then in May when I get my wisdom teeth cut out though. But now I know I can survive this!

My baby is mine again!!

Today I got the BEST birthday present ever! Yeah it is two months early but who gives a shit! After 6 ½ years of trying to get custody back of my son I GOT IT!

But to start from the beginning of the story, I had issues with post partum depression for months after my son was born. It was borderline post partum psychosis. I could not stand to be around my son when he needed anything. The crying made me feel like I was going to flip out. I would sleep through the night and make my dad come get my son and get him back to sleep. When I was home alone with him I would run to the gas station while he was napping. I had to fight to urge to put my hand over his mouth to make the crying stop. This lasted for 8 months and looking back I cannot believe I was THAT mom.  I have been so ashamed of my past actions as a mother. As my mom has reminded me many times over the years, I am not that mother anymore. I am a mama bear through and through.

2005ish

Well, back 6 ½ years ago my mom and I took my son to the pediatrician to have his 6 month check up and had brought up how I was feeling to see if it was normal or not. She said it was not normal and after I left she called CPS. I get home and CPS comes knocking on my door just to see what was going on. They check and see that everything is fine. When I was having my bad moments I would tell my parents to take him so I could walk out of the room and calm down.

2006ish

A week later my mom had gotten mad at me and called CPS saying, “I am kicking her out but I am nervous about the baby.” Exactly one week after that we were in court and I had my life ripped out from under me! My parents were granted temporary custody of my baby. MY BABY! I went through 96 hours of killer pain and a c-section to have this baby and they TOOK him from me. I may not have wanted to be around him but he was MINE!

October 2010

That resulted in a downward spiral from me. I wanted to punish my parents for doing this to me, mainly my mom. I would not feed him, bath him, wake up for him, watch him alone, or anything that my mom asked me to do. You wanted to baby then YOU DO IT! Yes, that was going to teach her! After my months long pity party I started to miss my booger butt. I turned things around. I was doing what he needed his mommy to do for him. I may not have been 100% there, but I went from 10% there to 75% there. That was enough to make my mom happy.

June 2010

I was trying to do what I thought CPS wanted me to do so I could get him back. I started seeing a counselor, I was taking anti-depressants, I was going to school, I had a job, and I had stable housing. Yes I still lived with my parents (my mom kicking me out was an empty threat) so that was stable. When my son was 2 ½ I filed to get custody back, got all the papers I needed to prove I was doing everything needed. CPS had not contacted me in 2 years and when I called them they said my case was closed. Ok, I am good as gold! I am getting my son back! BULL SHIT! The lady from CPS was there listening to the judge read my petition for custody, my mom was sitting next to me, I had all my papers on the table in front of me, the judge looked at me and opened his mouth.. he asked the CPS lady if she thought I was doing what needed to be done to get him back. “No, your honor, Ms. Smith is not doing what needs to be done. I do not think she is yet fit to take care of this child.”  Are you kidding me bitch! You have not seen me or talked to me in two fucking years! How the mother fucking hell would you know what I was doing and not doing!!!!! My mom had to put her hand on my arm to keep me from actually screaming that across the court room. My world had gone from being pulled out from under me; it was now crashing to a dusty ash all around me. I didn’t understand what I had done that was so wrong for her to hate me enough to keep my son away from me. Yes, I did some crappy things but I was not as bad as most of those “crazy” moms with PPS or PPD.

December 2009

I just wanted to give up. Why bother? That was about to change in 2 ½ years, but I didn’t know it. Things went as normal until August of 2009. That is when I moved to Arizona to live with my aunt and had to leave my son with my mom. I thought I was going to die. I cried myself to sleep every single night; I could not talk about him without crying, I would cry when he didn’t want to talk to me on the phone. He was 5, all he knew is that mommy was gone and she wasn’t coming home. When he did talk to me all he did was cry, and that devastated me. He didn’t know that within four months he and mamaw were going to be moving to Arizona to live with us. December 2009 my mom and son were in Arizona and I could not have been happier. I did EVERYTHING that I should have been doing from the start. I was there for him 110%. Who knew all it took was not being around him for four full months.

Halloween 2010

Now it was time to start preparing my case again to get custody of my son! I was in school, I was going to counseling, I was taking my meds, I had a job, I had a place to live; same as before. What I did not anticipate was how fucking hard it was going to be to file for custody in a different state from where it was done the first time around. So I waited until we got back to Ohio. I have been in Ohio for 10 months living with my dad. I am grateful to my dad for letting us stay with him. I have been breaking my back to get the money to file for custody, and then my mom gave me the money to file for it.

We had our first court date one week before Christmas. Ok, this was good. FUCKING HELL! My husband had NOT been served. Since he was not served nothing could happen in court. I tried my best to keep it all together in front of that judge. That didn’t happen. I was bawling like a baby. Wait; did he just say what I think he did?? “Well, since your parents do not object to this, I see no problem why you should not be granted custody once the father is served.” SWEET!  All I had to do was wait a month to make sure he got served, go to court, and custody is mine!

AZ Science Center 2010

The day before court my husband tells me he is going to ask for weekends through a court order. NO THE HELL YOU ARE NOT! You have not been there in YEARS do not think you are getting weekends with him! Much to my surprise he did not ask for that at court. He told the judge he was fine with me getting custody. THEN he shocked me even more after court. He asked if we could do visitations outside of a court order to keep our son out of a custody battle.  Umm… huh.. um.. wow.. yeah we can do that. But no overnights!

I am on cloud nine right now! I have waited so long to have custody of my son. I no longer have to get a notarized note from my parents just to take my son to the hospital, or to drop off a fucking cup of piss before a surgery! My baby is mine again! He is all mine! I tried to give him an hour long hug after he got out of school, but he said I was getting girl germs on him so I had to let him go watch tv. My baby is MINE  again!

Easter 2009

I dye my hair too much *UPDATED*

I swear I do not have a commitment problem, I just enjoy changing my hair. I am a natural blonde. It started out almost white, then got gradually darker as I got older. I started dying my hair 13 years ago when I was 15. Here is a list of colors I have had:
-light brown
-dark brown
-auburn
-strawberry red
-bergandy
-dark red
-light red
-blue
-green
-purple
-orange
-platinum blonde
-dark blonde
-ash blonde
-dark to light blonde hombre
dark to light blonde hombre with purple peek-a-boos
- pretty much every shade or blonde/red/brown with a few different ones thrown in.
Here are pictures of the past three years worth of color (in order)

2008

2009

2009

2010

2010

2010

2011

2011

 2011Hot pink, blue, purple, & platinum blonde 

2011

2012

2013

2014

2014

Sad Yet Happy Ending

My dad just received a phone call from my Grandma, his mom, telling him that his step mom is in a nursing home. My dad’s baby sister, my favorite aunt, called my grandma this morning to tell her that she was living with my uncle and that “Joycie” was in a nursing home very sick.

My Aunt has a disorder very similar to downs. She does not look downs, but everything else is downs. She is in her 40s but has the mentality of a 5-7 year old. She was born with a hole in her heart and no roof of her mouth. They had to make the roof of her mouth for her and close her heart when she was still really little. After my grandpa died Joyce was the one that was taking care of her. My grandma (dads step dad) is diabetic and wheelchair bound. She has had several toes removed because of the diabetes. She is not a kind person, but she took care of my aunt like her own child.

My aunt has made claims that someone is in a hospital before, usually when she isn’t getting her way and wants to spend time with a different family member, so my Grandma (dad’s mom) called my uncle to see if my aunt was telling the truth, and she is. My aunt is staying with my uncle, who will become her caregiver, because my grandma (dad’s stepmom) is very sick. The nursing home is having hospice come in and they don’t think she has much longer to go. I haven’t seen my grandma (dad’s stepmom) in just over 4 years.

My grandma is 73 years old. The main artery from her lungs to her heart has shrunk, so because of that her lungs are not getting enough blood flow to or from. Her lungs can explode at any time. She is non-responsive. She has gained 50 pounds of water weight in the past 2 months. She has fallen several times in the last few months. The doctors have said it is just a matter of days until she passes.  They have taken her off of all her meds and are putting her on morphine.

My uncle took my aunt out to buy her all new clothes, shoes, and undergarments because all the clothes my grandma (dad’s stepmom) had for her were falling apart. My aunt told my uncle ‘I finally have a life’ which is something no one ever expected her to say.

The whole thing just sucks, but I am happy that my aunt is finally happy. She deserves it, she has not had an easy life. 

My Aunt is the one in the middle, my uncle is on the left. 

The one on the right is another aunt of mine.

Scout Mom

I knew the second I found out I was pregnant that this baby was going to be in scouts. I was a girl scout until I was 17 and my brother was a boy scout until he was 17. The both of us loved being in scouts. It was fun and we always had something to do. We had meetings, field trips, camping, canoeing, fishing, and camp. My mom always had a hand in our experiences too.  We always earned every single patch and pin that was possible to earn. My mom had a little bigger hand in the boy scouts than she did girl scouts, but I got to tag along so I didn’t care. My mom was a den leader for my brother for a while, she was the head of the camp one year, and she was always at the den meetings and pack meetings. So I knew I was going to be a scout mom.

As soon as my son was old enough I signed him up for cub scouts. He missed Tiger Cubs due to moving as much as we did when we lived in Arizona. But now that we are in Ohio he is in Wolf Scouts. He has two den meetings a month, one pack meeting a month, and right now one field trip a month. My son has so much fun with his meetings and loves everything about scouts. Thanks to my help he has managed to get one requirement away from earning his Wolf Patch, and I have been working with him on his arrow patches. There are days that my son doesn’t want to work on the patch, but he still does it with me.

The popcorn sale sorta sucked hard core. How am I supposed to help him sell Gourmet Pop Corn when I think the stuff tastes like popped cardboard?? He sold 3 bags of caramel popcorn, a bag of yogurt covered pop corn, and 3 boxes of butter popcorn. The bags were bought by three teachers and a principal, and the boxes were from my mom and a family friend. I AM THE MASTER!  It didn’t seem to mind my son too much. He got a pin from it, but he wanted to sell over $600 so he could get the world’s coolest toy that would be won with sales over $600. How in the FUCK do they expect there to be that big of a sale from one single boy with some nasty tasting popcorn. Yeah, he might have done better except mommy does not like doing door-to-door sales. And on top of that his den never went to any stores to sell the popcorn like most of the dens in the country usually do. That would have helped a lot!

What gets to me is when he has the Rain Gutter Regatta and the Pine Wood Derby. I am a single mom, he does not see his dad, and I know nothing about wood working. I tried my best with his boat and it was a mess. His boat was in the exact shape as when he got it, all he got to do with it was paint it 2 or 3 different colors, and I had nothing to keep his sail from moving during the race. So while he was racing the sail moved and his ship fell over. He went from having a very strong chance to win the race to losing because of his sail. 

Now it is time for the Pinewood Derby car to be built. Oh Crap! How am I going to get this block of wood to look like anything? The only tools I have are Phillips head screwdrivers and a pocket knife. What the hell are those going to do for this block of wood?!?  I have the answer!!! *picks up phone and calls brother* Dude help the brat with his car!

Yesterday my dad and I took my son to Lowes to look at paint colors for his car. He surprised me *and made me proud* He wants the car to look like tie-dye. Aww my baby likes tie-dye like his mommy! He was so excited to have the colors he wanted to just paint the block of wood and leave it like that. My dad and I were actually very impressed with the colors he picked out as well. My kid has a keen eye for color.  Now the challenge is keeping him from painting this block of wood before my brother gets a chance to help him add a shape to it.

Next month the den, along with the Tiger Cubs, are going to Perfect North Slopes to go tubing. Tubing!  Oh hell no, not me! *calls brother* Hey, take your nephew on this field trip! Mommy does not sled, ski, skate, go tubing, or anything like that. That is what Uncles, Dads, and Grandpas are for. I will, however, tag along for camping, hiking, canoeing, fishing, and things like that. The next 11 years are going to be so fun!

Top 100 Movies

Top 100 Movies (no particular order)

1.       Last Dragon

2.       Harry Potter Chronicles

3.       Twilight Saga

4.       Chronicles of Narnia

5.       Spider Man

6.       Rise of the Planet of the Apes

7.       Pirates of the Caribbean

8.       To Wong Foo: Thanks for Everything

9.       Grease

10.   Avitar

11.   Star Trek

12.   X-men the new class

13.   Benny and Joon

14.   Independence Day

15.   Dirty Dancing

16.   Bill and Ted

17.   Star Wars

18.   Ferris Buelers Day Off

19.   Back to the Future

20.   Indiana Jones

21.   Meet me in St. Lois

22.   Seven Brides For Seven Brothers

23.   Shirley Temple

24.   The Patriot

25.   The Gladiator

26.   Last Samurai

27.   Sleepy Hallow

28.   The Ninth Gate

29.   Chocolate

30.   Corpse Bride

31.   Sweeny Tod

32.   Iron Man

33.   Captain America

34.   Man in the Iron mask

35.   Blood Diamond

36.   Shutter Island

37.   Inception

38.   The Departed

39.   Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

40.   The Fog

41.   Darkness Falls

42.   Scream

43.   Dogma

44.   Mrs Doubtfire

45.   Bourne Identity/ultimatum/supremacy

46.   Oceans 11/12/13

47.   Ghost Rider

48.   Mr and Mrs Smith

49.   Seven

50.   Hollywood Homicide

51.   Final Destination

52.   Man of the House

53.   The Holiday

54.   Ice Age

55.   Hair Spray

56.   Bringing Down The house

57.   Ransom

58.   The Fifth Element

59.   Sixth Sense

60.   Aliens in the Attic

61.   Honey I shrunk the Kids

62.   Honey I blew up the baby

63.   Look Whos Talking

64.   Ghostbusters

65.   Murder by Numbers

66.   The Blind Side

67.   Erin Brocovich

68.   We are titans

69.   The Longest Yard

70.   Good Luck Chuck

71.   Employee of the Month

72.   Cheaper by the Dozen

73.   Your, Mine, and Ours

74.   Stigmata

75.   Men in Black

76.   iRobot

77.   Wild Wild West

78.   Seven Pounds

79.   Pursuit of Happines

80.   The Terminal

81.   Footloose

82.   National Treasure

83.   My big fat Greek Wedding

84.   Clueless

85.   The Mummy

86.   Scorpion King

87.   Toy Story

88.   Cars

89.   The Terminal

90.   Wild

91.   RED

92.   Lucky Number Sleven

93.   The Island

94.   Robin Hood Men in Tights

95.   A league of their own

96.   Shrek

97.   The Expendables

98.   Rush Hour

99.   Night at the Museum

100.                        Shang Hai Nights/ Shang Hai Noon