Those two words were yelled at me while I was working. I am a crossing guard and I was in the middle of a crosswalk, holding up my stop sign, waiting for kids to safely get across the street, when a big 4 door black truck drives past me and the words "fat bitch" were yelled out the window at me.
The man (immature man child) that yelled those two words does not know me at all, yet felt compelled to yelled those two words at me. Two words that I have heard a thousand times over since I was a teenager.
As an adult those words never affected me very often, but sometimes they do hit a nerve, and today they did. I stood there finishing my shift trying not to cry. Trying to figure out why a complete stranger felt the need to put me down. I did nothing to him, but he needed to make me feel bad in that exact moment.
What he doesn't know is I already know I am fat.
I have been fat since I hit puberty, this is nothing new to me.
Another thing he doesn't know is I am trying to change that. I am taking kickboxing classes three times a week, I started the C25K program recently, and I stopped drinking pop. I am in a 40 day accountability weight-loss group.
I already mentally beat myself up when there is a gain on the scale and not a loss.I already compare myself to the other people in my kickboxing class. I already think I look like a sack of potatoes when I am jogging. BUT! I keep going at it because I know eventually, and sooner than later, I am going to get better at it, I am going to gain more confidence, I am going to feel like a freaking champion. All because I kept at it and got stronger both physically and mentally.
I am sick and tired, though, of people feeling like they have a right to try and put down and make another person feel bad about who they are and how they look because they look different. I am sick and tired of the fat shamming and body shamming. I am sick and tired of people feeling like they can yell those nasty, mean, words at me from the cowardly safety of their truck as they drive past me!
YOU DO NOT KNOW ME!
You can't even say it to my face!
You can't even stop and say it.
You have to keep driving and say it in passing.
I will not let your words stop me.
I will let your words assist me in my push to bettering my life.
Your nasty words that hurt me for 10 minutes will now fuel my fire.
