This makes me sick!

As most of you know I am a birth mother. I gave birth to a beautiful little girl six and a half years ago and decided just weeks before I had her to place her for adoption. It is a semi-open adoption. I get a letter and pictures from Scott and Lisa (her adoptive parents) once a year. At times that is hard, but it is also the best possible way for me to do this. I almost changed my mind at the last minute. I could not be happier with my decision to give my daughter the best possible life she could have. Everything her parents do for her I would not have been able to do. If I had kept her she would be a food stamp kid just like my 8 year old son is. While it would have been nice to watch my son be the big brother to my daughter I know that day will come some day. Her parents tell her about being adopted and tell her about me. I have always sent them pictures of her birth family so that she has them when she is old enough to full understand and chose to see them. I did what I did out of love and only out of love.

I just got done reading an article where a woman is saying that adoption agencies lie to birth mothers to get them to "give up" their child. We NEVER give up our child, we place them with a family. WE chose the parents, the parents don't chose us. The woman that wrote this article mentioned Catelyn and Tyler from MTVs Teen Mom through out her entire article. I have watched them from the start of 16 & Pregnant. I saw what they went through. This woman could not be more wrong about what she says.

Here is how she ends her article:
"Despite how Catelynn and Tyler were apparently snookered, they have been turned into poster birth parents to convince others to likewise give up their babies. We understand that the home lives of Catelynn and Tyler were not ideal, but as I recall, Catelynn's mother was against the adoption. However, circumstances change and one's baby is gone. What the positive press on them neglects to mention that adoption still hurts the child relinquished, even for such a wonderful and "open" adoption as Bethany was able to provide.--lorraine"

 She also mentions more than once that a birth parent 'gives up' the child. As I said above we place we never give up. This woman also talks about the suicide rate being high with adoptee children. Here is how she mentioned it:
"We have seen in earlier studies that adopted children and teens generally have higher levels of psychological and emotional problems, though adoption "experts" such as Elizabeth Bartholet have tired to discount them entirely as dismiss them as "garbage." However, studies have found a higher rate, for instance, of suicide, or thoughts of suicide among adoptees. From the Journal of Mental Health Counseling, one can find this in a 2007 article:

Because of their struggles with a variety of emotional issues and biological and genetic concerns, adoptees may face intimacy with trepidation. They may avoid closeness and commitment with others or may, consciously or unconsciously, sabotage or restrain emotion in relationships (Common Clinical Issues Among Adoptees, 1995; Silverstein & Kaplan, 1982). Many never feel close to anyone. Struggles with intimacy may result in depression, alcohol abuse or drug abuse, marital troubles, or problems with family and children (Issues Facing Adult Adoptees, n.d.).

I couldn't help but note that 2007 was the year my daughter committed suicide. An adopted young woman I know has suggested she struggles with closeness and commitment issues."  

While it is sad that her daughter decided to commit suicide I do not believe that it had anything to do with the fact that she was adopted. If the adoptive parents are open with the child about being adopted and do not hide it from the child then there should be no "struggles with intimacy." The children that never find out that they are adopted until later in life will struggle and have issues dealing with the fact.

What pulled my attention towards this article was a post from Catelyn and Tyler Official Facebook Page. It was a link to Tyler's response to this woman's article. I will share a piece of that now:

"You have more than one statement wrong in this article as I will only point out a few, as I mentioned earlier, us birthparents NEVER "Give Up" our babies for starters. Catelynn and I's adoption with Carly is fully open. Do you even know the difference between semi-open and open? Clearly you do not. Semi-Open adoption is when the adopted child and birthparent exchange full range of contact, besides face to face communication. Open is the same thing as semi-open, except they have full range of contact AND face to face communication. Brandon and Teresa have given us their address, we know their last name and speak regularly. So regarding those FALSE statements, let it be clear that you have no clue about me, my daughter, or my fiance.

The other thing I wanted to address that you are correct about, is that Brandon and Teresa could in fact close the adoption entirely. Yes they have complete control. Why? because they are HER parents not Catelynn and I. Why? because WE chose them to be her parents. Why? because we believe in those wonderful outstanding people, that they are going to raise her with the up most morals, values, and responsibility. Those things few sixteen year old kids are ready to do, because they barely have learned those things themselves at such a tender age. Faith is believing in something when everyone surrounding you tells you not to, well I have FAITH they are going to always allow us to be apart of their lives. What kind of life would you live if you never had faith in people? A lonely one."

 Just because one person had a horrible and sad experience with adoption does not mean that it is that way for every single person that chooses adoption for their child.  My daughter is happy, loved, safe, and educated. I am positive that Catelyn and Tyler's daughter is the same. One persons bitterness can put a negative spin on something incredibly amazing. I will post links to both articles now so you can read them for yourselves.
Original article
Tyler's response