It is not uncommon for me to have people look at my son like he is "weird" or ask me if he is autistic. I've actually had people walk up to me and say "don't take this the way but (insert whatever family member they are talking about) is autistic and your son reminds me so much of them, is he autistic?" No, he isn't. But, he does come across that way.
There is a reason.
And it took a total of 6 1/2 hours, three separate tests, and a slew of diagnosis for me to figure out why. My son has ADHD, anxiety, sensory processing disorder, and something with not being able to figure out what the hell to do with his emotions.
Since he was around 2 I noticed there was something a little different with him than compared to most two year olds.
Usually when you tell a two year old they are going for a ride its all "WHOO HOO! WHAT CAN I GET MOMMY TO BUY ME!!!!" With mine it was "Where are we going? What order are we going in? What do we need from each store? How long do we plan to be at each place?" If I added or took off a stop it resulted in a very confused fit from the back seat. To try and avoid that in the future I started writing down where we were going so he could mark it off with his crayon. Even though he couldn't read he could recognize how the letters on the paper looked like the letters on the building. Then if I added or took away a stop I would make the changes on the list, so he could visually see the changes.
He was always hyper focused on something if he liked it too. To the point that he drove everyone else nuts around him with it. I remember when the first Cars movie came out it was playing on the TV from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to sleep, even if he wasn't in the same room as the tv. It played well over 200 times. I could have recited the entire movie. He could tell you everything about every character in that movie. It was the same way with Thomas and Friends. I never thought I would ever grow to hate a stupid cartoon about talking trains, but bet your ass it happened!Anything you could think you never wanted to know about those trains he could tell you.
Man, of man, if he meets someone that comments on something he likes (or doesn't like) then he will stop dead in his tracks and talk about that subject until he is dragged away or the other person politely ends the conversations. I have had more than one complete stranger at the store tell me that my child gave them the best conversation they had had in the longest time because of how informed, intelligent, and polite he was while talking to them. He has never met a stranger, just like his Mamaw, everyone he meets he considers his friends. So, teaching him "stranger danger" never really worked as a little kid
He can't be still. Yeah, he can sit still, but he can't BE still. He has to be talking, or making a noise, or moving. Even when he doesn't realize he is doing it. As I am typing this he is stretching and making some weird deep breathing sound in the tune of some song he has been listening to. If I point it out he wont realize he was doing it. He will just say he was stretching. He is always tapping a foot, tapping a finger on something, shaking a leg, biting on something, anything that has him moving in some way. You get used to it, but some days its still a pain to deal with, like when he has your side of the couch shaking, or the entire car moving while you are siting at a red light and he is shaking his foot, lol.
He can only wear certain fabrics. Anything else makes him feel like his skin is crawling. I can't buy clothes without taking him with me. I've tried. I thought I was buying something that wouldn't bother him and ended up spending an hour and a half returning all the clothes. But it gets even more fun, because he dreads clothes shopping. So getting him to do something he hates to buy something he wont hate is a challenge all of its own. There is only one brand and style of socks he will wear, that I can only find from one store, so if they ever stop selling those socks I will probably curl on up the floor of their store and cry until someone carries me out.
Food, oh my god, don't get me started on food! Texture, smell, how it looks, how he thinks it might taste, how it sounds when you stir it or scoop it. He used to eat whatever the hell you put in front of him, but when he was about 5, and all of this stuff manifested the way it is now, he started eating less and less to the point where it is a challenge to feed him. And I know he isn't starving because he is gaining weight. But, trying to keep and extremely picky 14 year old fed, when there is MAYBE 4 things they will eat SUCKS DONKEY BALLS! He fixates on something he likes, and eats it so much, that he gets to the point that he no longer wants it or likes it. Then I have to go through the struggle of trying to get him to find something else to eat. Pizza is ALWAYS a good answer though. He has never said no to pizza, lol.
He doesn't handle emotions well. Or at all. Unless it is bored or happy he has zero idea what to do with it and gets really overwhelmed. To the point that he either shuts down or starts to hit himself. I've tried everything I can think of to help him find ways to deal with his emotions and none of it has worked. Then he gets mad at himself for not knowing what to do. Then he feels like I'm going to be mad at him for getting mad at himself for not knowing what to do. And it breaks my heart.
I can tell he is about to shut down because of the look on his face. His eyes go from being present to looking like he is off in space. Then his body tenses up. He grabs his arms. And violently starts to rub his arms. His face will turn red. He starts to tremble. Then he starts to cry. Those are the stages of his shutting down. If I catch him at the "body tensing up" part and get him away from the situation then we can avoid the rest of the stages. But if I don't notice or catch it until his face is turning red, there is no stopping it. Then this is where I have to watch myself because of who is around us. I have noticed other children making fun of him and parents staring when we get to the red face point and it really pisses me off, and when I get pissed off I have no filter. I've gone off on people in public for staring at my kid before. If I'm being 100% honest I've yelled at other kids before.
He is so damned smart, but so damned lazy at the same time. If he puts his mind to it he can pick it up in a hot second, but he doesn't want to put to the work into it. Trying to get him to sit and focus, even on meds, is a challenge. When we were able to get him to focus he was on the A/B honor roll every quarter. But now the meds aren't working as well as they should be and he isn't wanting to put the effort in the way he should be. But he loves to learn. I just need him to find the focus like he once had.
Even with everything my son has to deal with, all the challenges he brings to the day, and every way he tests my patience, I would not trade him for anything in the world. My not autistic, but comes across as autistic child, is the perfect kid for me. He is my world, and damned if he isn't going to change the world!
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