I have my own mind

It is not uncommon to disagree with family members. Hell, I disagree with mine a lot! Mainly with my mother. Her and I are both very stubborn and very set in our ways. My mom was raised by an iron fisted women, who was raised by an iron fisted woman, who was raised by an iron fisted German woman. Needless to say, my mom raised me that way. She always raised my brother and I to have our own minds and our own thoughts and to never let anyone tell us our views and opinions are wrong. I never did growing up and I still don't. Yes, I may ask peoples opinions when I am dealing with something new or trying to figure something out, but I ultimately make my mind up the way that makes me feel good.

Yet, right now my mom and I are seeming to butt heads more than usual. She had custody of my son for the better part of his life; she was always telling me how I should discipline my son, talk to my son, and raise my son. Even with me getting custody back she still does it. Pisses me off to the max. I want her to just be the Mamaw and let me be the mom, but that is never going to happen since her mother did to her what she is doing to me. She is always telling me how to do something, when to do something, when to not do something. I am 28 and I feel like she stills views me at the 19 year old HS drop out that got pregnant and didn't know what to do. I have to constantly remind her I am an adult, a grown woman, and I know what the hell I am doing.

My dad has always had the mouth of a sailor, he was a squadron leader in the Army, and if you indicated you thought he was lying you got your ass handed to you. I take after my dad in the sense that I too curse like a sailor and if you even think of telling me I am lying then my wrath is coming down, and it is coming down HARD! Mentioning my dad being a squadron leader in the Army meant that when he was mad or telling you a second time to do something he got very loud. Some would take that to mean he was yelling, OH NO, when he was yelling you sure as shit knew he was yelling. So when my mom feels like I am 'yelling' at my son I am really not yelling, but merely trying to get his damn attention. I was never allowed to curse in front of my mom or she would scold me like I was a child. Then she got to where she could handle me cursing as long as I left out one word, fuck. That was always a problem for me because fuck is one of my favorite ones to use. Now she has gotten back to if I curse she tells me to watch my mouth. If I curse in a Facebook status she will complain about it saying "I don't want everyone to see that." Hello, mother, none of your friends can see what I put on my wall because I am not friends with any of them!

My mother raised my brother and I to be Christian. We went to Church practically every single Sunday. Once my brother and I were old enough to tell her we didn't like going every week she would either A) guilt trip us until we were or B) say fine and let us stay home. This lasted only a year with me, but my brother never went back. He started saying he was Buddhist.  My dad and I found it funny because it really got under my moms skin and she would say it was a phase. I didn't go back to going every week, but I would go when I would get a strong gut feeling that I needed to go. Those times it seemed like the sermon was directed to me. Then when we lived in AZ I went every single week. I felt horrible if I didn't go.

After moving home 16 months ago I have not been to Church once and she keeps telling me to find a Church to go to. Normally saying that I need to find a Church for my son to help with his anger issues. I get that, I really do. I still have my same beliefs from when I went, but I noticed getting older that I disagreed with a main topic, it seemed, in the Churches we went to. The last Church I went to was VERY against same-sex anything, felt it was our job to get people to find the way of Christ and would have us 'mission' in our neighborhoods. I have never been one to say that my religion is the only way and that someone is never going to make it to Heaven unless they believe that Christ is the son of God and that God is the light and the only way. If someone wants to ask me about my God then I will, gladly, share my thoughts on it. I have always felt that no religion is better than any other. I can find the similarities in Christianity, Mormon, Jews, and Catholics. I am also a 100% supporter of same-sex rights and equality. It says in the Bible that God made man in his image, that we are to love our neighbor, and to not pass Judgement on anyone for God is the one true Judge. So, if God made man in his image then he made LGBT people in his image as well. God is true love, why would he hate someone or take away their rights? This is something my mom and I butt heads on a lot. She is very "same-sex is a sin' whereas I am "who gives a flying fuck because they were made they way they were made by God." I cannot bring the topic up without being uninterrupted by my mom saying "You know how I feel on this." I understand that she feels the way she feels, but to constantly interrupt me so she doesn't have to listen to it is irritating.

Now, please don't read this blog the wrong way. I love my mom and always will. I just wish for a time where she can see me and treat me like the adult I am, she will trust me to make my own decisions, and we can talk about things we view differently. I also know that is most likely never going to happen. I may look practically identical to my mom (and if you tell me that I look like her you made my enemy list), but we are completely different people. As I have stated earlier, I am much more like my dad.