Everyone should have to fill one of these out

I am considering getting back in the dating game. So that put me on the quest to make a dating application. Any guys that wants to date me is going to have to fill it out. I am going to share it with all of you so that you may use it also if you would like. Here we go!!

Who you are applying to date

DATING APPLICATION

- Do you have a problem with the fact that I already have a child in grade school? If yes then don't bother filling out any of these other questions.

-Do you have any illegitimate children? (This will not disqualify you as a potential mate- though, not knowing your children's name, ages, or when the child support payment is due- is grounds for immediate dismissal.)

-Do you have any Baby Mama Drama? Please Explain.

-Do you have any borderline insane ex-girlfriends that will continue to pop up and cause drama of catastrophic proportions throughout our relationship?

-What about general skeletons in your emotional closet that are just waiting for the perfect time to show themselves?

-Are you dragging invisible baggage behind you that will threaten to smother me at my most venerable.

-Do you know the difference between there, their, and they're?

-Does your phone automatically stop working as soon as you cross state lines? Especially when you cross said lines with your male friends.

-Are you allergic to expressing any and all emotion? Is it cool if I have emotions?

-Are you of the special breed of drunk that believes that if you don't remember it, it didn't happen?

-Are you planning on ceasing all grooming and efforts towards your appearance the second we are in a relationship? This includes, but is not limited to: gaining excess amounts of weight, infrequent bathing, and refusing to wash clothing unless they emit noxious odor.

-Have you ever been fired for drinking on the job?

-Have you ever been incarcerated. If so, how many times and for what duration?

-Do you habitually pick fights with buffer/large groups of men?

-Do you have to wake up before 9:00?

-Do you think my friends are cute and angelic? Do you still think my friends are adorable when they are in large groups and drinking? You are required to like them and be a sweetheart to them at all times or suffer the consequences. And they will be dire. Is that okay?

-This also applies for my family. Hope ya don't mind.

-My ears are very sensitive and I surely cannot listen to music that is not exceptionally enjoyable for me. Will that be a problem?

-If we get into a fight do you have friends that will talk smack about me and try to convince you to leave me just to try and get you to sleep with someone else?

-Have you ever cheated on someone you are with? If so, did you tell them or keep it to yourself?

-Do you fancy yourself God;s gift to women? If yes, please explain.

-If I ask you if I look fat in something with you say the truth or what I want to hear?

-What is your favorite domesticated animal? Give me three reasons why.

-If you were on a deserted beach give me three emotions you would feel.

-What is your favorite food? Give me three reasons why.

-How many states are the in the USA?

-Did you graduate High School? If not, do you have your GED?

Multiple Choice
We are in a relationship. It is our one year anniversary.  Your plans include:
a) dinner out, flowers, wine... typical romantic, yet boring and unoriginal shit
b) surprising me with an all-inclusive trip to some faraway, exotic trip. Bonus points if the destination is anywhere that requires more than 9 vaccinations to leave the country.
c) getting drunk with your friends, coming home and passing out on me. Again.
d) Plans?  What plans?  What day is it?  WHERE AM I???

You are out with your friends, and some hot slut throws herself at you mercilessly.  You:
a) flirt back with her shamelessly; even though you won't take it any further than that, your poor self esteem needs the validation of attention from someone else
b) smile politely, tell her that you're flattered, but have a girlfriend... then make a hasty exit
c) tell her to meet you out behind the bar for a quickie.  Hey, if you use a condom, it doesn't count, right?
d) tell her that salvation is hers only through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, then ask to see her boobs

It's been a few days since you've seen me, and you miss me.  You:
a) send me a text saying "Can't wait to see your gorgeous face!"
b) send me flowers at work with a note that says "Can't wait to see your gorgeous face!"
c) send me a picture message of your junk, saying "Can't wait to shove this in your face!"
d) hit the Internet for a few hours of porn.  It'll have to do until you can get the real thing.

Essay (use separate page for each)
In exactly ten words, tell me why you would make an excellent boyfriend.

What are your short term and long term goals in life and relationships?

In your own words, explain to me what you think the fundamental differences are between men and women.

This makes me sick!

As most of you know I am a birth mother. I gave birth to a beautiful little girl six and a half years ago and decided just weeks before I had her to place her for adoption. It is a semi-open adoption. I get a letter and pictures from Scott and Lisa (her adoptive parents) once a year. At times that is hard, but it is also the best possible way for me to do this. I almost changed my mind at the last minute. I could not be happier with my decision to give my daughter the best possible life she could have. Everything her parents do for her I would not have been able to do. If I had kept her she would be a food stamp kid just like my 8 year old son is. While it would have been nice to watch my son be the big brother to my daughter I know that day will come some day. Her parents tell her about being adopted and tell her about me. I have always sent them pictures of her birth family so that she has them when she is old enough to full understand and chose to see them. I did what I did out of love and only out of love.

I just got done reading an article where a woman is saying that adoption agencies lie to birth mothers to get them to "give up" their child. We NEVER give up our child, we place them with a family. WE chose the parents, the parents don't chose us. The woman that wrote this article mentioned Catelyn and Tyler from MTVs Teen Mom through out her entire article. I have watched them from the start of 16 & Pregnant. I saw what they went through. This woman could not be more wrong about what she says.

Here is how she ends her article:
"Despite how Catelynn and Tyler were apparently snookered, they have been turned into poster birth parents to convince others to likewise give up their babies. We understand that the home lives of Catelynn and Tyler were not ideal, but as I recall, Catelynn's mother was against the adoption. However, circumstances change and one's baby is gone. What the positive press on them neglects to mention that adoption still hurts the child relinquished, even for such a wonderful and "open" adoption as Bethany was able to provide.--lorraine"

 She also mentions more than once that a birth parent 'gives up' the child. As I said above we place we never give up. This woman also talks about the suicide rate being high with adoptee children. Here is how she mentioned it:
"We have seen in earlier studies that adopted children and teens generally have higher levels of psychological and emotional problems, though adoption "experts" such as Elizabeth Bartholet have tired to discount them entirely as dismiss them as "garbage." However, studies have found a higher rate, for instance, of suicide, or thoughts of suicide among adoptees. From the Journal of Mental Health Counseling, one can find this in a 2007 article:

Because of their struggles with a variety of emotional issues and biological and genetic concerns, adoptees may face intimacy with trepidation. They may avoid closeness and commitment with others or may, consciously or unconsciously, sabotage or restrain emotion in relationships (Common Clinical Issues Among Adoptees, 1995; Silverstein & Kaplan, 1982). Many never feel close to anyone. Struggles with intimacy may result in depression, alcohol abuse or drug abuse, marital troubles, or problems with family and children (Issues Facing Adult Adoptees, n.d.).

I couldn't help but note that 2007 was the year my daughter committed suicide. An adopted young woman I know has suggested she struggles with closeness and commitment issues."  

While it is sad that her daughter decided to commit suicide I do not believe that it had anything to do with the fact that she was adopted. If the adoptive parents are open with the child about being adopted and do not hide it from the child then there should be no "struggles with intimacy." The children that never find out that they are adopted until later in life will struggle and have issues dealing with the fact.

What pulled my attention towards this article was a post from Catelyn and Tyler Official Facebook Page. It was a link to Tyler's response to this woman's article. I will share a piece of that now:

"You have more than one statement wrong in this article as I will only point out a few, as I mentioned earlier, us birthparents NEVER "Give Up" our babies for starters. Catelynn and I's adoption with Carly is fully open. Do you even know the difference between semi-open and open? Clearly you do not. Semi-Open adoption is when the adopted child and birthparent exchange full range of contact, besides face to face communication. Open is the same thing as semi-open, except they have full range of contact AND face to face communication. Brandon and Teresa have given us their address, we know their last name and speak regularly. So regarding those FALSE statements, let it be clear that you have no clue about me, my daughter, or my fiance.

The other thing I wanted to address that you are correct about, is that Brandon and Teresa could in fact close the adoption entirely. Yes they have complete control. Why? because they are HER parents not Catelynn and I. Why? because WE chose them to be her parents. Why? because we believe in those wonderful outstanding people, that they are going to raise her with the up most morals, values, and responsibility. Those things few sixteen year old kids are ready to do, because they barely have learned those things themselves at such a tender age. Faith is believing in something when everyone surrounding you tells you not to, well I have FAITH they are going to always allow us to be apart of their lives. What kind of life would you live if you never had faith in people? A lonely one."

 Just because one person had a horrible and sad experience with adoption does not mean that it is that way for every single person that chooses adoption for their child.  My daughter is happy, loved, safe, and educated. I am positive that Catelyn and Tyler's daughter is the same. One persons bitterness can put a negative spin on something incredibly amazing. I will post links to both articles now so you can read them for yourselves.
Original article
Tyler's response

Almost my worst fear. It's not a tumor.

One of my worst fears is getting cancer and not being able to care for my son the way I need to. I know I have family that would help, but it is not the same. This week I came as close to my worst fear as I could without it actually being my worst fear.

For the past 2 weeks I have been dealing with neck pain, blinding head aches, flashes of light in my vision, dizziness, and confusion. On Monday I finally decided to go to Urgent Care and have it checked out. I chose Urgent Care because it takes weeks to get in to see my primary care Dr. I got there about 8am and was seen by the Dr. After talking to the Dr and her doing a few simple test, checking my reflexes, pushing around my neck, and checking my eyes she sat down to talk to me. She said it sounds just like a migraine but she was not comfortable treating it as such. Simply for the reasons that my vision got blurry when she checked my eyes and my neck did not hurt when she pushed on it but I was complaining about neck pain. So she told me to go straight to the ER. I was not comfortable with that and had every intention on going home, but the next thing I knew was that I was walking into the ER.

I had to wait about an hour before a Dr came into my room, but it seemed that what I was telling them was a bit of a cause for concern. Right after the Dr walked out of the room I was getting blood drawn. That was not fun. My veins like to collapse now so they had to stick me 5 times before they found a vein that would hold. As soon as the blood draw was done I was being wheeled off to get a CT scan. I had never had one done before so I was not sure what to expect at all. Those machines are so loud. The noise and the spinning was making my head hurt so bad I just wanted the test to be over as soon as it started. Within 20 minutes of being back in my room the Dr was back with another Dr and they started prepping me for a lumbar puncture. I wanted to chicken out of the lumbar puncture so bad, but I have had an epidural and a spinal done for both of my c-sections so I didn't think this would be much different. It was completely different. I had to lay in the fetal position and arch my back, not easy when you are over weight with big boobs. I felt the needle go in with the numbing medication, that part was easy. After a minute or so they stick the bigger needle in. I feel pressure on my spin and a little pain on my left hip but the needle wouldn't get into place. So they pulled the needle out and tried again. It still wasn't working. They tried once or twice more but it finally took on the last time. I knew they hit where they wanted to because the pressure got a bit stronger. I had to lay in the arched back fetal position for about 5 minutes. There was so much fluid around my spine. The Dr. said he drained more fluid from me than he would normally be comfortable with but I had so much fluid around my spine.

After the lumbar puncture the pressure in my head eased up so much it felt so amazing! For the first time in 2 weeks it did not feel like my head was going to explode. The Dr told me that I had pseudotumor cerebri. All I heard was the word tumor. I had no clue what he meant or what pseudotumor cerebri was, but he said it happens more young women around my age. As soon as I got home I handed my dad the paperwork they sent me home with and we started looking up my condition and the medication they prescribed me. Pseudotumor Cerebri could basically be broken down as being every symptom of a brain tumor without there actually being a brain tumor. (link to follow)
Psuedotumor Cerebri

Yesterday I was finally able to pick up the prescription for the pharmacy, Diamox, and I was so happy. Finally something besides pain killers to help me out. I had gotten it too late in the day to get both doses in so I took one then waited until I woke up this morning to take the second dose. About 2 hours after taking my dose this morning I started to notice that my finger tips felt really weird, almost like a tingle. So After dropping my son off at school I came home and looked up side effects for my type of medication. Right there at the top of the page I see where it lists the serious side effects and that if you experience any of them to stop taking the medication immediately and contact your Dr. Well in that list I saw "tingling or tremors of hands and feet" so I called and left a voicemail for the nurses at my Dr and headed out to my follow up appointment with my eye doctor. As I am waiting to see my Optometrist my primary care Drs office calls back. I explain what is going on and tell them I have a follow up with them the following day. They tell me to stop taking the medication and if the symptoms get worse to go straight to the ER. Thankfully the tingling went away after another 2 hours or so.
Diamox Side Effects

My eye Dr did the follow up and after hearing that I have pseudotumor cerebri he says that when I saw him last week he was suspicion that the pseudotumor cerebri might have been my issue but he was not positive. Now knowing that, yes I do have it, he said my eye issues fit perfectly with the vision problems caused by the disease. He also said the pressure behind my eyes was not enough to cause him any concern but to keep him in the loop with all my upcoming Dr appointments. Tomorrow I have my follow up with my primary Dr and next month I see a neurologist. Lets hope this gets taken care of. It can be treated, but there is no promise that it will never come back.