31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 26

Did you notice that I skipped Day 25?
I skipped it because it was Christmas.

Well, today I am supposed to share an old photo of me.
In this photo I have a horrible perm.
HORRIBLE!
I begged my mom for it too.
I was about 10, 5th grade, and it was pre-braces.
You can tell in the photo why I needed braces, lol.
When I was 18 months old I fell face first on the sidewalk, split a tooth in half, all the way up the gums, and needed my tooth surgically pulled. I didn't have a front tooth until I was in 2nd grade and smacked my face on the playground at school. I split my gums open right where the missing tooth should have been.
In the picture you can see how my tooth grew in.
As a kid I never really cared what people thought about my tooth, and how f*cked up it was.
I didn't even care about how ganky my braces looked until my teeth were straightened out.
But, now, as an adult, I am very self conscious about my teeth.
I had braces for 5 1/2 years, and refused to wear my retainer for more than two weeks. All because it gave me a lisp.
I was 17 and in high school. What 17 year old girl wants to talk with a lisp?
My teeth moved, quite a bit, over the years.
I wish I had worn my retainer the way I was supposed to.
I wish I was as confident as I was as a kid, before all the negativity said to me took hold.
I miss the happy, carefree, child that I was in this photo.
I danced to the beat of my own steel drum before puberty took full affect.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Days 23 & 24

Day 23: Scariest Mom Moment.
I have to say, there are three of those moments for me.

The first one was when my son was about 2 1/2, he had his tonsils removed because they were quite swollen. It was his first time going under for surgery. That alone was scary, but the scariest part was after we got home. My son didn't understand that he had to take something for the pain he was feeling. He refused to take anything, which meant he didn't want to eat or drink anything. Not keep his throat wet ended up drying out his stitches. The scariest part was when I would see a little bit of blood every time he coughed.
I called 911 because of his coughing up blood, and when the paramedics showed up they had the audacity to say "there isn't enough blood here to require us to do anything." Any amount of blood coming out of the throat of a toddler is enough blood to require them to do something.
They left, refusing to do anything, and I called the on-call pediatrician.
I told them what happened, told her what the paramedics said, and she was baffled that they said that.
After talking to the on-call I took my son to the hospital.
There he stayed, hooked-up to IV fluids, for 18 hours.
He had to stay until he would eat, drink, and hold it down.
I never would have thought that getting tonsils removed could cause this much of a problem!

The second one was only a few months later.
My mom and I were having a bad day, and getting very angry with each other, over the dumbest little shit.
I was laying in bed trying to sleep, my mom was in the shower, and Elijah was playing on his bed. My mom and I were yelling at each other from across the hallway, not really thinking about what Elijah was hearing.
After my mom and I stopped yelling at each other I was calling for Elijah, and not getting an answer.
I got up to look for him and couldn't find him anywhere.
As I was yelling that I couldn't find him, to my mom, I noticed that the screen in mom and Elijah's room was kicked out. We had that motherf*cker screwed into place because it was level with Elijah's bed.
I ran outside in a frantic, screaming Elijah's name.
Around this time is when my neighbor across the hall was coming out to take out the trash. He saw me running around, and screaming for my kid, and instantly put together what was going on, and joined in looking for him with me.
What scared me the most about this, was that there were 5 registered sex offenders in our complex, and three of them involving very young children.
After my neighbor told me he couldn't find Elijah anywhere in the perimeter of the complex I called the cops. When they asked me what he was wearing, I couldn't remember anything except a t-shirt and underwear.
As I am talking to dispatch I hear "I found him" and look to see another neighbor of mine walking towards me holding my sons hand. I have known her for years, we were neighbors at a different apartment when I was in high school.
I let the officer know my son was back, hung up the phone, and yelled "WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO!?!"
My neighbor told me that someone came up to her, with my son, and said "I know you know his mom, take him back to her." Elijah told me he went to "some guys house, he had cookies."
To this day I am convinced that the only reason I got him back, safe, unharmed, alive, was because of how loudly I was screaming for my child.
Elijah told me and my mom that he thought, because we were fighting, that we didn't want him any more and he ran away.

Scary moment number three, again, involved my child disappearing.
My mom, Elijah, and I were at the mall spending time together. We had walked out of Hot Topics, after introducing my mom to the store. She freaking loved Hot Topics by the way.
We were standing just outside the store talking about how much my mom loved the store and trying to figure out what store to go to next. I looked down at where Elijah was standing and didn't see him there. I didn't see him anywhere around me.
My mom started panicking and ran over to mall security.
As she was talking to security and describing what my son was wearing I was scanning the crowd trying to find him.
After about 45 seconds I spotted him, all the way down by the carousel at the food court.
After yelling that I found him I took off towards him.
When I got down there I hear him arguing with the 16 year old that was working the carousel.
My 3 year old child was arguing with a 16 year old about getting a free ride on the horsies.
Leave it to my child to walk away from me, without telling me anything, to try and talk someone into giving him what he wants.

Since day 23 ended up longer than planned I will keep day 24 shorter lol.

Day 24, favorite childhood book.
I had two favorite books. I read them every day. I wish I still had them too.

Tubby and the Lantern


Five Chinese Brothers

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 22

Best thing to happen this year.
I think that would be getting my 2nd job.
I was looking for a 2nd job, attempting to become more financially stable. Just in case something happened to my dad.
I wanted to know that I could take care of my son, without my dads help, just in case.
A Facebook friend of mine commented on a post I made about trying to find work, told me that she was hiring, and set up an interview with me for the following day.
I, quickly, became a server at a retirement community.
Nothing I ever thought I would do before.
Never in my life did I think that I would be a waitress (server) at any job. Ever.
Let alone, working at a retirement community.
A retirement community that I drove past multiple times a week before I moved to Arizona.
I've been there for a little over three months now and I enjoy it.
Right before my mom passed away I was actually training for a possible promotion, to assistant supervisor.
But, once my mom died I couldn't work for two weeks, which took me out of the running for the promotion.
Which is fine, because I was conflicted on whether or not I really wanted the promotion.
Then, being off because of my mom I was able to get a good in depth look at my sons grades.
He goes to school online, and while I was at work my son was supposed to be on the computer doing school work.
However, he would always go back to sleep.
He got so far behind with his work that I decided to change my hours to where I only work weekends.
For the past three weeks my depression has been bad enough that I actually debating quitting so I didn't have to leave my couch.
Regardless of what the past month has brought my way, I am happy that I got my job, and it's the best thing that has happened to me this year.
Funnily enough, the day I was officially hired my facebook memories showed me that, six years to the date, I asked for exactly what I got.
All thanks to one facebook friend commenting on my post.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Days 20 & 21

Missed a day because I wasn't feel well and didn't remember about the blog until this morning.
So, like the last time I missed a day I am doing two in one.

Day 20, Difficult time in my life.
Leaving out all the "emotionally hard" times, since there are a lot, and leaving out my mom dying, since I just wrote about that the other day, I will chose a "how the fuck do I handle this" difficult time.
When I was 15 my dad and I were on allergy shots. The kind where they get stronger with each new vial. We had been on our shots for a few months, without any issue, until one day my dad started feeling off after his shots.
We had just gotten our new round of vials about two weeks before the incident happened. I wasn't having any issues with my shots, so I thought it was a little weird when my dad started saying he felt weird for a few hours after his shots.
Then one day, on our last vial for this round of shots, I gave my dad his shot like I did any other day. I was able to give myself my shots, but my dad couldn't get his arm to bend enough to give himself his shots.
Except this day wasn't like any other day.
Within two minutes of giving my dad his shot he started looking very pale and breathing a little funny. Shortly after I noticed the paleness my dad started gasping for air, but not expelling any air. His face started turning red and his lips were turning purple. That's when it hit me, my dads throat was closing off and he couldn't breath.
I got my dad into a chair and was yelling at my mom to get the adrenaline out of the fridge.
Each time we got a new dose of vials they gave us a vial of adrenaline, just in case we had a reaction to the medication.
My mom, god love her, wasn't moving. She was just standing in her corner, with this blank look on her face, waving her hands, and frantically repeating "I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it."
After about 30 seconds of me yelling at my mom, to snap her out of it, and to get the adrenaline, my brother comes out of his room to see what the hell is going on.
I scream "CALL 911!!" and run to the kitchen to get the adrenaline.
I grabbed my dads vial, and was about to close the fridge, when I grabbed mine as well. I ran back to the living room, filled the syringe, and slammed it into my dads arm. Normally I would have measured out the proper dosage, but I put the entire vials worth in the syringe.
After 10 seconds, with zero positive response from my dad, I filled another syringe halfway and slammed that one into my dads arm.
The entire time I'm yelling at my dad "LOOK AT ME!"
I was about to put the rest of the adrenaline in the syringe when I heard our front door open. The paramedics were there.
Thank god!
I give them the frantic, quick, explanation of what was going on as the female paramedic was walking towards my dad. She kept trying to get him to open his eyes and look at her as she was getting a syringe of something ready. She was giving him even more adrenaline.
It took about 5 minutes before my dad was able to keep his eyes open and start speaking in coherent sentences again.
After the paramedics made sure my dad was ok they made sure to tell me that if it wasn't for my quick thinking my dad would have been dead before they got to him.
We later found out that the nurse gave my dad someone elses vials on accident and when it was brought to their attention all they said was "Oops. Sorry."
My parents didn't pursue legal action, but the past few years my dad wishes they had.

Day 21, What do you want to be when you grow up
Well, when I was little I wanted to be a teacher. Specifically 2nd grade. But, I decided that wasn't for me when I found out I would have to take a class on teaching special education.
It's not something I am comfortable with.
So then I decided I wanted to work for the FBI, the BAU specifically. I wanted to be one of the people that caught serial killers. But, I found out that you had to be recruited in if you were over the age of 21. That you, also, had to have XX amount of years of training in certain fields of work.
After that I decided I wanted to work with at risk youth and/or battered women. Something like a counselor or therapist. I even went to school to start working on my degree for that. But, it took me 9 years to get 5 classes away from my Associates of the Arts degree, and I ran out of government grant money. I can't afford to go to school without it.
Now, at almost 34 I have zero idea what I want to be when I grow up.
However, I really hope I figure it out soon.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 19

Skipping today. Personal reasons.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 18

I'm going to do things a little differently today.
Instead of using a prompt, like I have been, I am just going to write about how I am feeling today.
Today I am sad, angry, depressed.
Today I hate today.
I am all three of those emotions and probably more.
Things haven't been the same the past month and four days.
I feel like nothing will ever be the same again.
My entire world has been flipped upside down and kicked around.
I have to learn how to live all over again.
I lost my mom and I just don't know what to do anymore.
To those that don't know me, I am fine. I seem to have dealt with everything fairly well.
To those that know me, I know they are worried about me.
When I act like everything is fine, without every going through the "everything is fucked up" phase, they know I'm not doing well.
I know my mom was ready to go.
She was in pain and just so damn tired.
But I am fucking pissed.
I am pissed that it took her doctor as long as it did to figure out the problem.
I am pissed at my mom for not taking her health as serious as she could be.
I am pissed at people for telling me they are sorry for my loss.
I am pissed at myself for letting myself actually grieve.
I am pissed at the people she went to church with because they (and the church) are why she refused to move closer to me and my brother.
I don't want to do anything anymore.
I don't want to work. I've debating asking to be taken off schedule until summer. I've debating quitting. When I thought I lost my job this weekend, because I couldn't work, or get my shifts covered, it didn't bother me. A small part of me was actually upset that I didn't lose my job.
I don't want to cook a real meal.
I don't want to clean the house.
I don't want to leave the couch.
I don't want to be around people.
My fuse has always been short, but lately, it doesn't exist.
I am bad mouthing (in my head) people that don't deserve it and going off on (in my head) people that annoy me. I don't say out loud what I am thinking because I know it's stuff that I shouldn't say out loud.
I want to tell people that talk about their moms to fuck off.
But
I sit there with a smile, I put on a front that I'm fine, I don't let people see how miserable I am.
Yes, my mom and I had our problems.
What mothers and daughters don't.
But she was also my best friend.
I told her everything.
We had plans to take my son on a road trip next summer.
We were still talking about trying to save money to see Tran-Siberian Orchestra. That's never going to happen now. And I find myself being really pissed off that people get to see them when they come to town in 12 days.
Just thinking that my son can't go to her house, to spend the night and go swimming, in the summer, man, that just makes my heart break for my son.
I know, in time, like with everything, I will start to live my life again. I will find my new normal. I will be ok.
But, right now, I feel like that is never going to happen.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 17

What would you tell your 16 year old self?

I've thought of this before, my 16 year old self was a very angry and very self hating teenager.

I got bullied in school and treated like shit by my maternal grandmother and aunts. I was angry at my family and classmates and I hated myself for not being able to stop getting treated like shit.

So, if there was anything I would say to my 16 year old self, it would be "Stay strong. Eventually it will end. Eventually the bullies will leave you alone and you will learn how amazing you really are. Eventually you will no longer feel the need to have approval from those around you."

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 16

The top of my bucket list....
Most of my bucket list is things I can do with my son.
I'm not a super adventurous person, but there are quite a few things I wouldn't mind doing.
At the upper most top I would love to visit Scotland, Ireland, and Germany. I doubt it will ever happen, since I am terrified of flying, let alone flying over water. But, I've always wanted to go and see where my ancestors lived.
For a while, going to Disney was on my list. It isn't anymore; mainly because I can't stand crowds.
I actually wrote a blog about my bucket list, almost 6 years ago, and the link for it is HERE
I have added to it over the years, but this one is still pretty close to accurate.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 15

An average day..
Well, an average day for me is pretty damn uneventful.
I start my weekday mornings off at my crossing guard job.
Then, I stop to get coffee and donuts for me and my son.
After I get home with the coffee and donuts I wake my son up to get him ready for the day.
Once he is awake and has a filled up stomach I get my son on the computer for school (he goes to school online).
Until about noon or 1 I help my son with school work, when he needs my help. However, when he doesn't need my help I work on this and/or catch up with my shows on the DVR.
In the afternoon I go back to do my afternoon shift as a crossing guard.
Once I am done with that I attempt to get my son to do a little more school work.
I straighten up the house through out the day as well.
I pack my dads lunch for him before he leave for work.
After my dad leaves for work I turn into a couch potato and watch tv while my son plays on his computer.
When I get my son to bed I watch one more episode of one of my shows and then go to bed.
See, uneventful.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 14

If I won the lottery what would I do?
This is something I've thought of before. In 2004, when I was pregnant with my son, the Mega Millions was up around 500 Million dollars so I typed up what I would do if I won and kept it in my wallet.
I can't remember exactly what was on the list, but there are a few things I knew I would focus on.
1. I would buy my parents a new house.
2. I would buy both of my parents new cars.
3. I would buy my brother a new car.
4. I would put 100,000 in an account for my son, for college.
5. I would donate 500,000 to a place that helped homeless single moms.
6. I would donate XXX to my church (when I was going to church)
7. I would go back to school
8. I would get a home for me and my son
9. I would get a new car
10. The rest would be put on a CD and saved

I do remember that I had about 5-8 more things on the list as well. The very rare times that I've played the lottery in the past I write up a list of what I would do if I ever won.
I would like to think that I would not be one of those people that win and are more broke than before I won in just a few years.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 13

What is my earliest memory?

I have actually surprised my parents before with remembering things they didn't think I was going to remember.

I don't have many memories from before 1st grade, but the earliest one I can think of is from preschool.

There are a few things I remember from preschool and I can't remember which one is the earliest, so I will talk about all of them.

I remember me and my brother went to the same preschool, but in different classrooms since he is younger than me. Funny enough, both of our teachers had the same name. Sometimes our teachers would get both of our classes together for play time, which I loved, because I got to play with my brother.

Every recess we got a snack of red kool-aid and graham crackers. My brother and I were always trying to figure out how to gross out our classmates. So, one day we decided to dunk our graham crackers into the kool-aid and eat it. Grossed out our classmates, but I remember it actually tasting pretty good. After that we decided to do that each time we had that snack.

There was another time where we couldn't go outside, so my class went to my brother class since they had a bigger room. In one of the big closets they had this monkey bar thing they would pull out for recess. One day I was trying to show off in front of a boy I liked (yes I thought boys were cute even when I was 4), so I climbed up on the monkey bars and started hanging upside down. Only problem.... I was wearing a dress... and I was too scared to get down. I started crying that I was stuck and had to hang upside down with my dress over my head, while waiting for one of the teachers to help me get down.

My last memory from preschool involves the Christmas play, which is fitting that I am doing this challenge during December. All the preschool classes, I think there were four, were going to do "The Night Before Christmas" as our play. I was a mouse. Well, one of three mice. I was also pissed about it. The kid playing the dad couldn't remember his lines for shit. I would get into it with the teacher about how I should play the dad since I knew all his lines. During rehearsal I would even say his lines out loud to prove to the teacher I needed the part. I never got the part and had to sit on the stage dressed as a mouse the entire play. My dad told me I was the most unhappy mouse he'd ever seen, I sat on the state the entire time with a scowl on my face.

Those are my earliest memories.

What is your earliest memory?

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 12

What's in my fridge?

Oh lord.

I am not even sure I know what is in my fridge without getting up and looking in it.
I am assuming they want me to include my freezer too, since they are part of the same thing.

There is lunch meat and deli sides for when I pack my dads lunches for work.
I know I have milk and orange juice.
There is obviously condiments; mayo (the real shit. Not Kraft or Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is NOT mayo, it's a freaking salad dressing), ketchup, mustard, and sandwich spread.
Half a package of bacon.
Homemade Chili.
Homemade shredded buffalo chicken.
Extra sweet tea for my dad.
More shredded cheese than anyone really needs.
Apple butter.
Pumpkin butter.
Hot dogs.
Blue Bonnet margarine.
Pepperoni.
Pickles.
Pasta sauce.
Frozen waffles.
Frozen pancakes.
Ice packs.
Frozen chicken parm.
Packs of hot dogs.

That's all I can remember off the top of my head. Sad little fridge. My fridge is always a sad little fridge. I feel bad for my fridge, lol.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 11

Whoops! Forgot to post this last night!
15 of my favorite things.....

1. My son. I had my son when I was 20, I wasn't 100% ready to be a mom, and had postpartum for almost a year after he was born, but he is my light now. My reason for everything. He drives me bonkers, but I wouldn't change him at all.

2. My nieces. Three years ago I became and aunt for the first time, something I had been waiting years on. I have two beautiful nieces, who I wish I could see more, that are absolutely perfect and the best nieces ever.

3. The TV. I am a couch potato, and have zero problem admitting that. I watch, probably, way too much TV, and I don't care lol. I watch a huge variety of shows as well.

4. Movies. I love movies. Plain and simple. I have a pretty large movie collection as well. My son jokes that I could probably set my movies up like a baby Blockbuster. Which, if I had the space and time I probably would.

5. My jobs. I currently have two part time jobs. My first one is being a crossing guard. I am in the middle of my third school year doing it. I originally took the job just to make a little money and have something to do. Now I do it because I love the kids and the parents. My second job is a server at a retirement community. I never, in my entire life, pictured I would be a waitress. In fact, I always refused to ever apply for a job if it was serving. Mainly because I am forgetful and have a hard time dealing with idiots and assholes. However, I love being a server. The residents are awesome, and I know that is a major part in why I love the job.

6. My dad. I've always been a daddies girl and always will be. My son and I currently live with my dad and it's great. Almost 7 years ago my dad opened him home to me and my son because I was weeks away from being homeless in a different state. I was only supposed to live with my dad until I got on my feet, but that has taken longer than I hoped. Also, his physical health isn't the best so he is stuck with me so I can help him out.

7. My brother. We fought like cats and dogs growing up, which was 85% my fault. I wasn't the best big sister in the world when we were kids. I went out of my way some times to mess with him. But, I know that he has my back when I really need it. Sometimes he makes me sweat a little, to see if I can take care of it myself, but when push comes to shove he is there to help.

8. My bed. I like to sleep. Plain and simple.

9. Tacos. I mean, who doesn't love tacos? I could eat tacos 5x a week and be happy.

10. Our paper shredder. Might seem like a weird one, but I love office supplies and equipment. If I could have a room set up just like an office supply room/copy room I would. I can't walk past school supplies while they are on sale and leave without buying something. At one point I had over 50 notebooks and 300 pens. Don't get me started on highlighters, sharpies, and post it notes.

11. Pumpkin Spice Cappuccino from the gas station. Screw the Starbucks kind, it tastes like ass, but the kind I get from UDF is amazing! I get sad when they take it away after Christmas and wait for it to come back right before Halloween. I get one almost every week day.

12. Pizza. Is there really much more that needs to be said about that one? Not in my book!

13. Jagermeister. I don't drink much any more, but when I do I must have a shot of Jager. I also can't stand when people ruin it by adding redbull.

14. Music. Music is life. Music is the best therapy. Music can get me through anything.

15. Sweater socks. Yeah, probably a weird one, but I freaking love sweater socks. I only own two pair, but I even made a song about them when I was 18 lol. I wish I could remember what the words were, but I remember making up a song about them. 

As I read this I see how weird my list is, but there isn't really much that I consider "my favorite" lol.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Days 9 & 10

Yes, I know, I missed yesterday.
That's because I worked an 8 hour shift yesterday.
Since my mom passed away that was only the second day I'd worked. Normally I only worked 5 hours, but due to needing to change my schedule I worked an 8 hour shift.
I was exhausted by the time I got home from work.
I managed to lay on the couch, watch Netflix, shower, and pass out.
Then I worked today and just now was able to sit down and type something up.
So, I am going to do BOTH posts in this post!

Day 9: Worst habits
Well, my worst habit is that I always second guess myself. I always have. I second, triple, and quadruple guess myself. I always question whether I truly can do something, whether or not I should do something, and if I am ever going to do what I hope to do. I have quit almost everything I have started because I question the point and if I can keep it up. I mean, I quit piano, guitar, dance, poetry writing, a book I was writing, the list goes on.
I am my own worst enemy. Literally.

Day 10: Best physical feature
My eyes. I have always thought my eyes were my best feature. Being hazel they change color and can have a pretty sweet color combination going on. My mom always said she could tell what mood I was in based on my eye color. I never understood what she was talking about, but I loved it when she said it.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 8

Whats in my handbag?
Well, currently I have switched from giant purses to small ones. My current one hold my cards, ID, some cash, a pack of smokes, wet wipes, two pens, and glasses lenses cleaner.
Before I switched to small purses I could damn near take everything, plus the kitchen sink, with me. I always believed that you should take everything you could possibly need, even if you don't. It never failed, when I would take something out of my purse, that it would be the ONE thing I would need the next day.
I mean, I had snacks for my son, even though he is a teenager now. Wipes, tissues, hand lotion, hand sanitizer, nail clippers, glasses repair kits, glasses cleaner, notebook, pens, pencils, my sons daily pills...
You name it, it was in my purse.
I decided to downsize over the summer though.
Partly because it was starting to hurt my back trying to carry a 5lb purse and partly because I started a job where I was grocery shopping for other people. I wanted to be able to carry my stuff without me, without lugging around an entire suitcase worth of crap I didn't need.
So, what do you have in your handbag??

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 7

Pet peeves.
Whoa buddy!
Man, oh man, this could be a long list!!
Let's see, where to start, where to start?
Slow drivers.
Fast drivers.
Drivers that weave in and out of traffic.
Drivers that refuse to use their turn signal.
Drivers that ride your ass.
Drivers that pull in front of you without leaving a safe amount of room.
Drivers that assume they had the right of way when they don't.
Drivers that refuse to give pedestrians the right of way.
Drivers that speed through parking lots.
Drivers that refuse to stop for a crossing guard.
Drivers that try to cut you off to get the parking spot you were waiting for.
Pedestrians that refuse to use the crosswalk, and then get pissed when you don't slow down for them.
Pedestrians that refuse to walk at a normal pace across a crosswalk.
Pedestrians that stop in the middle of the crosswalk because they think they are being "funny".
People in the grocery store that stop in the middle of the isle so there is no way to go around them.
People in the grocery store that leave their carts and then walk away to grab something.
People at the grocery store that leave their carts in the middle of the parking lot.
People at the grocery store that refuse to put their carts in the corral.
People that talk at full volume on their phones in public.
People that kick the back of your seat at the movie theater.
People that refuse to stop their screaming child from screaming.
People that are so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they don't notice they are about to walk right into you.
People that can see you coming but can't manage to keep the door from closing right in your face as you are walking in behind them.
People that chew with their mouths open.
People that fart on elevators.
People that sneeze in their hand and then try to shake your hand.
People that don't wash their hands after using a public restroom.
People that flush public toilets with their foot.
People that are obnoxiously loud in public.
People that chew gum while working in a customer service position.
People that have to talk to you while you are trying to read or watch TV.
I seriously could keep going, but I'm not.
If it isn't obvious, I am not a "people" person lol.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 6

My 5 sense right now.
Not sure exactly what I am supposed to do with this one, but the prompt I am using told me this was today's blog theme, lol.
So, I will figure it out and go!

We all know there are five senses; what we see, hear, feel, taste, and what we smell.

I will describe what I am sensing this exact moment, as I type this blog post.

See: right now I see my computer monitor as I type this. I can also see the arm of the couch my arm is resting on, the chair right behind my monitor with things piled on it, the TV paused so my son can concentrate on his school work, and the coffee table with my drink on it. All of those I can see without moving my head and looking away from my computer.

Hear: I hear my son eating his frozen waffles, the cars driving on the road outside my home, the tick-tock of the annoying wall clock that I have hung up for no reason, the clacking of my keyboard, and the ringing in my ear thanks to the bad ear infection I had last year.

Feel: I can feel the clothe of the couch against my arm and legs, the smooth metal of my laptop, my glasses sliding down my nose, and the ache in my back from sitting a little crooked on the couch.

Taste: I can still taste the orange mango juice I took a sip of before I started righting this and the cheddar sour cream chips I was eating for breakfast.

Smell: I can smell the toaster waffles I heated up for my son, my orange juice sitting on the coffee table, the incense that I had lit a couple of hours ago, and the fact that my son needs a shower lol.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 5

10 Songs I am in love with right now.
Oi! I have to narrow it down to 10?!
Ok, if I have too.
Music has always been a big part of my life. No matter what I was going through I knew I had music there for me. Music is the best therapy, it's music for the soul.
So, in no particular order (and links included so you can listen) here are 10 songs I am currently in love with.

1. The Darkness "I believe in a think called love"
I don't know exactly what it is about this song, but I love it! Most of the people in my life absolutely HATE this song, but I can't get enough of it!

2. REO Speedwagon "Cant fight this feeling"
Much to my dads dismay I can't not sing this song when I hear it on the radio lol

3. Greta Van Fleet "Highway Song"
This is a new song, and at first I wasn't sure what I thought of it and now I crank up the radio every time I hear it start

4. Biffy Clyro "Wolves of winter"
Just listen to it. Really no explanation needed from me I feel.

5. OMI "Cheerleader"
I honestly had no idea this song was even out until May of this year. I was in Meijer grocery shopping and it came on, I couldn't keep myself from drinking

6. Kongos "Come with me now"
South African rock music? Yes please!

7. Babymetal "Doki Doki Morning"
If you listen to nothing else on this list you have to listen to this!

8. Dion "The Wanderer"
What list of music isn't complete without some classics? As my son says every time he hears this "Hey! That's on Fallout 4!"

9. Tim McGraw "Dont take the girl"
The very first county song I ever remember listening to. Made my 9 year old self cry and still does to this day every time I hear it!

10. Fun. "Carry On"
I just love this mans voice. Plain and simple.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 4

What am I afraid of? Shit, it might be easier if I said what I wasn't afraid of!
I have normal things that I am afraid of, snakes, spiders, almost all bugs, raccoons, heights, large bodies of water, elevators, etc.
I have things that really scare me, and actually impede on my daily living, driving on the high way when it is raining (not because I can't, but because of the other drivers that forget, or ignore, that it is raining) and driving when it snows or has the possibility of snow or ice. The snow one really impacts my life. I can't drive when there is snow or the possibility of snow or ice and will have a panic attack at the thought of it. When I was 18 my brother took a turn in the snow too quickly and the car almost spun off a bridge. I was still able to drive in winter for a while after that, but then living in Arizona for 2 winters and not having to deal with snow and ice anymore, I came home to discover that I seriously freak out over the idea of driving in the winter. I've actually refused to look for work once it hit August because I knew it was just a few months away from winter.
I have normal human fears, losing a loved one, never succeeding the way I imagined, not being able to provide for my family, dying alone, never feeling true love from a partner, losing my home to a fire, my child being kidnapped, being stranded with no way to call for help, etc.
The thing is, my fears, while some are small and insignificant, are very real for me. My depression and anxiety can make them worse, and it has. It's something I have struggled with over half of my life. On top of anxiety I also have social anxiety. That makes it very hard for me to go out in public to new places and meet new people. There have been times that it was too bad that I actually refused to leave the house unless I had someone with me. I would have plans to go somewhere new to eat or shop, then drive all the way there, and just sit in my car and have an anxiety attack until I left and went home. If I am going somewhere I have been before, but there are large crowds, I try to get out of there as quickly as possible. If I have a friend or family member with me then it is easier to stay and do what I went for, bu I am stuck to that persons hip the entire time. I've actually ruined relationships with potential boyfriends because of that. I tend to be attracted to social butterflies and they just can't understand my reactions and feelings to things and places they thrive with. Then they just stop talking to me.
So, it would be easier to just list what I am not afraid of, lol. That is a list for another day though.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 3

Today is supposed to be my favorite quote. I spent all day yesterday trying to think of a quote that I loved. Hell, a quote period. I've never really thought of what my favorite quote would be.
There are a few quotes I like.
I mean "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die" is a quote that everyone seems to love.
There there is "Homie don't play that" which I say probably more than I should. I have also discovered that if you are younger than 30 then there is a seriously strong chance that you have zero idea where this quote comes from.
One that I do really enjoy is "There are six levels of fat. Big. Healthy. Husky. Fluffy. Daaaaamn. And OH HELL NO!"
The one that might be my favorite is "We don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents" by the infamous Bob freaking Ross!
Other than those few I can't really think of any quotes.
What is one of you favorite quotes?

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 2

Day 2! So far I am 2 for 2 lol.
Today's blog is 20 facts about me, so lets get started!

1. I was arrested at 16, three days before I turned 17, and did 8 1/2 months probation
2. I am a birth mom. Almost 12 years ago I placed a child for adoption
3. I HATE veggies. The only veggies I like are raw red onion, celery, carrots, and basic salad mix
4. I can't sing a freaking lick, but that won't stop me from trying
5. In 5th grade I wanted to see how badly I could fail, and the answer was "horribly"
6. I sometimes have to ask Google and Siri how to spell words
7. Until I was 26 I hated my name and considered changing it
8. I know all the words to Baby Got Back and on a good day I can recite the entire thing without hearing the music
9. I hate coffee
10. Beer tastes like shit. Unless I am already drunk.
11. I used to be able to drive a manual
12. I haven't ridden a bicycle since I was 16 and am not sure I would be able to today
13. I don't know all the words to the National Anthem without hearing someone else sing it
14. Even though I have had boyfriends in the past and have been married I have never actually been on a date
15. I sabotage things before I find out if it would have been a success or failure
16. I think every Adult Swim cartoon, aside from King of the Hill, is asinine
17. As of late, when it comes to guys to potentially date, I am extremely shallow
18. While I think snow is pretty I also hate it and wish it never snowed in Ohio
19. I was in an abusive relationship for 18 months before I even realized it was abuse
20. It was harder than I thought to come up with 20 things to type about myself.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Day 1

Well, lol, lets see if I can stick to this one!
Every other time I try to start something that is going to take more than 4-8 days I end up forgetting about it.
Anyways!
This is the last 31 days of 2017 so I decided to finish it with a new blog every day! I am following a guideline that I found and I know some days will be easier than others, it all depends on what I am supposed to write about that day.
Today, well, that's the easy one! Today all I have to do is introduce myself.
Thankfully, if you are someone that has followed me over the years, and dealt with major lulls in my writing, you do know about it. However, if this is your first time reading one of my blogs then I just hope I can introduce myself well enough.
Also, feel free to check out some of my other posts!
Ok, lets go!!
I am a 33 year old single mother of a teenager. My son is 13 and has hit that "I know better than you" phase of his life that I get to live with for, probably, the next ten years. I am a daughter, a sister, and an aunt. The best titles I could have in my life.
As a kid I was angry at almost everything and took it out on my family.
As an adult I am still trying to figure my shit out. I don't "adult" very well, lol, but I am working on getting better at it.
I work 2 jobs, one that I have had for just over two years. Which, sadly, is the longest I have ever held a job since I started working when I was 14. The other one I have had for three months. It is not a job I ever thought I would have, and I love it more than I thought it would! I really hope that I can say I am still there in two years.
I have been to college. I didn't graduate, but I got really close to finishing my associates degree. Five dang credits away and I ran out of money. Attempting to go to college while being a single mother of a child with needs meant that it took me quite a while to get as far as I did.
My life, pretty much, revolves around my child. When he was 5 he started having violent outbursts when he got stressed, sad, or overwhelmed and we didn't know why. Then when he was 7 he was diagnosed with ADHD, and over the next year or so we also found out he had ODD, GAD, and SPD. From a young age I always wondered if he was on the autism spectrum, he fit a lot of the markers for someone on the spectrum, so I fought to get him tested. He does NOT fall on the spectrum, but all the other issues he has pretty much mimics it. So, most people when they meet my son assume he is autistic. Sometimes I think it would be easier if he was than having to explain why he seems like he is, but isn't.
I took my son out of brick & mortar schools when he finished 6th grade, way too many issues with the school going unresolved, and I got him enrolled in on-line schooling. 7th grade went decently, since it was a whole new experience for the both of us. This year is, sadly, more difficult. Not because it is harder, material wise, but because I tried to work while he was in school and it just backfired. So, I went part time to be able to stay home and make sure he was doing what needed to be done.
My family means everything to me. I have a best friend who is practically my sister, and both her kids are my niece and nephew. I don't need blood for those three to be my family. I have two biological nieces from my brother and his wife, and those girls are the best additions to our family. Better than I could have hoped for. Being their aunt is the biggest blessing I could have hoped for in my life. My dad has always been my rock. Always there to catch me when I fall. My mom was my best friend, and sadly it took me too long to figure that out. My mother passed away just two and a half weeks ago and its left a serious hole in my life. The type of depression that comes from losing a loved one is nothing like I could have imagined.
Other than work and family I don't really have much going on in my life. I don't like crowds and have social anxiety. I watch movies, listen to music, and attempted writing for a while. Wrote a "book" and was too scared to do anything with it, so it's filed away. Started this blog, and can't even keep up with writing in it, lol. Wrote poetry as a teen, but was too scared to let anyone read it, and eventually lost them. I might try writing again some day, but I am not sure.
Now that I have written way more than I intended to, I hope that my introduction of myself did its job and I hope you come back tomorrow! Tomorrow's blog with be 20 facts about me!
See ya!

Wow it's been a while!

I didn't realize it's been almost a year since the last time I posted here!
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and decided to minimize the amount of social media I am dealing with daily. That means removing myself from pages I run and deleting apps off my phone.
I know a lot of you have stuck around to keep hearing how Booger is doing and that means so damn much to me!
He's in his 2nd year old online schooling and his final year as a middle school student. I can't freaking believe it!! Next year I will have a damn freshman in high school!!!!!! Booger wants to go to a brick and mortar school again for high school. At least for a year or so. I'm praying it works out for him!
Now that he's getting older it's opening me up to being able to do more in terms for work, which is exciting and scary at the same time.
The joys of him going to school, right now, at home means I can potentially work during the day and have him do classes in the evenings when I am not working. Since my dad is home, albeit asleep, it does make me a little nervous. So, I have to feel comfortable that Booger can feed himself and not destroy the house while I work. He also doesn't do well with separation from me, so that's another thing that needs to be worked on.
I have a lot more thinking, planning, and discussing to do, but my plan is to find a better job than what I have now.
I'll keep y'all updated!