It makes sense, you age then your parents and grandparents are aging as well. Just because it makes sense and that is the truth of the matter it doesn't mean I have to accept it.
This past week has been a serious slap in the face that my parents are getting up there in their age. My mom just turned 60 earlier this month, my dad is 58. Both of them have arthritis, my dad has had three back surgeries (plus numerous others) and my mom has diabetes and is starting to have nerve issues because of it. They can feel it in their bones when bad weather is coming. Both of them have issues walking because of everything 'getting older' in their bodies.
Then to add insult to injury my Grandmother was admitted to the hospital on Christmas for congestive heart failure. She is trying to play it off like nothing is wrong, but we hear differently in her voice when we talk to her. I grew up with 2 grandpas and 3 grandmas. Both my grandpas passed away before I was 17, one grandma died when I was 20, the other died earlier this year. All I have left is the one that is in the hospital as I type this.
I was extremely close to my dads dad, when he passed it hit me very hard. I was unable to even talk about it for two years without crying. My dads stepdad died when I was too young to even know what was going on. I remember him being very sweet and always sliming. My moms dad, I never knew and my mom didn't know him much either. My moms mom passed when I was 20 and I couldn't stand her. She treated me like dirt and I refused to accept how she treated me. My dads step mom passed this year and I never got along with her. She made it obvious that she didn't like me. I only went to her funeral out of respect for my grandpa. My dads mom is the last grandparent alive. I am not as close to her as I wish to be but I love her to death. I call her when I have the chance, I go see her when I have the chance. She is also the only great grandparent my son has ever known. He loves going over to her house because she always has candy out and won't let me tell him to stop eating it.
My grandma has one lung and it is only 1/2 functional. There is oxygen being pumped through her house. The summers are so hard on her. She can barely leave the house without getting weak. I called her this morning to see how she was feeling and I could hear the slight fear in her voice and how hard it was for her to talk. It hurt my heart. I live 15-20 minutes away from my grandma. I need to make a harder effort to see her once a week or once every other week. I don't want to feel like I could have spent more time with her like I did when my grandpa passed 12 years ago.
I want to rewind the clock so I have more time with everyone. I don't know how to imagine my life without my parents in it.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Monday, December 24, 2012
Dream from Hell
Have you ever had one of those dreams where you wake up and go "What the hell?" Well, that happened to me the other night.
My son and I were back living in a homeless shelter. Because of where we were living my son had to go to the school that the shelter was in contract with. It was something I didn't understand but I knew he needed to go to school so I didn't say anything. On his first day of school I decided to ride the bus with him and the other kids from the shelter. I had to get to school myself and there was a bus stop down by his school that would get me to school faster than catching the one by the shelter.
We get to the school and they offered to give me and my son a tour of the school so we could see everything they offered. I am always curious about what the schools are like that my son has to be in. When he has been in more than 8 schools in his short little life I always want to make sure that the school is up to par and that my son will benefit from being there.
After the tour my son and I are standing around talking to some of the adults from the shelter that came with us. Then out of nowhere this woman walks up and I hear her say "Oh my God! He's the one! I want him!" I turn around to see her pointing at my son. My response was what the hell is she talking about? The woman walks up and takes my son by the arm and starts to walk away with him. Before she could get more than 2 feet I grab my sons are and tell her to get the hell off my son. She looks confused and turns the to person that was standing next to her. I couldn't hear everything they were saying to each other but I did manage to hear "these kids are for adoption, including him, right?"
HOLD UP! Adoption? Before anyone can say anything else I scream "He is my son, he is NOT for adoption. This is supposed to be a school. What the hell kind of school adopts out the children in it without telling their parents?"
The shelter we were in takes all the kids to this one 'school' and while the kids are in school they get adopted out. It may not happen their first day there but by the time their parents are ready to leave the shelter the kids are gone and there is nothing their parent can do.
I grabbed my son by the hand and ran as fast as I could out of that building. As soon as we hit the front door and were about to make it outside a hand touched my shoulder and I woke up.
I was in a cold sweat when I woke up. I had never been so happy to be awake but everything felt so real in my dream at the same time. I wish this dream was one of those that I could forget, but that hasn't happened yet.
My son and I were back living in a homeless shelter. Because of where we were living my son had to go to the school that the shelter was in contract with. It was something I didn't understand but I knew he needed to go to school so I didn't say anything. On his first day of school I decided to ride the bus with him and the other kids from the shelter. I had to get to school myself and there was a bus stop down by his school that would get me to school faster than catching the one by the shelter.
We get to the school and they offered to give me and my son a tour of the school so we could see everything they offered. I am always curious about what the schools are like that my son has to be in. When he has been in more than 8 schools in his short little life I always want to make sure that the school is up to par and that my son will benefit from being there.
After the tour my son and I are standing around talking to some of the adults from the shelter that came with us. Then out of nowhere this woman walks up and I hear her say "Oh my God! He's the one! I want him!" I turn around to see her pointing at my son. My response was what the hell is she talking about? The woman walks up and takes my son by the arm and starts to walk away with him. Before she could get more than 2 feet I grab my sons are and tell her to get the hell off my son. She looks confused and turns the to person that was standing next to her. I couldn't hear everything they were saying to each other but I did manage to hear "these kids are for adoption, including him, right?"
HOLD UP! Adoption? Before anyone can say anything else I scream "He is my son, he is NOT for adoption. This is supposed to be a school. What the hell kind of school adopts out the children in it without telling their parents?"
The shelter we were in takes all the kids to this one 'school' and while the kids are in school they get adopted out. It may not happen their first day there but by the time their parents are ready to leave the shelter the kids are gone and there is nothing their parent can do.
I grabbed my son by the hand and ran as fast as I could out of that building. As soon as we hit the front door and were about to make it outside a hand touched my shoulder and I woke up.
I was in a cold sweat when I woke up. I had never been so happy to be awake but everything felt so real in my dream at the same time. I wish this dream was one of those that I could forget, but that hasn't happened yet.
Monday, December 17, 2012
The night I saw "Darkness Falls"
I was 19 years old and went with a group of friends. I love
scary movies so I knew there was no way in hell this movie was going to scare
me. I was WRONG!
My friends dropped me off at my place after the movie, I was
living on my own. I was fine walking in, but then as soon as I unlocked my door
I started to panic. Before I even opened the door I am mapping out my place and
where are my lights were. I was trying to remember if I left any of my lights
on or if my apartment was completely dark.
I push the door open to see that my apartment was TOTALY
dark. Thank God the light in the hallway was bright enough that I was able to
walk into my place to the first lamp and turn it on. Once that lamp was on I
closed my door and locked it. I stood in that spot for a good three minutes
trying to decide if I could turn on the other lamp and get to my room if I had
enough light from the first one to turn on my kitchen light.
Then I remembered I had my broom sitting next to the fridge
because I was too lazy to walk the 5 extra feet to put it away earlier that
day. So I grabbed the broom and held the broom part to use the handle and flick
on the kitchen light. Once the kitchen light was on I went back and turned out
the first light then ran as fast as I could back to where the kitchen light was
shining. Then I reached in the bathroom and turned that light on while pushing
the door all the way open.
Standing next to the bathroom door I push my bedroom door
open and just freeze. There are no over head lights in my room and the only
lamp in that room was all the way by my bed. On the other side of the room. How
in the hell was I going to get that light turned on? I figured I would risk it
and hauled ass to the light to turn it on. The light was bright enough that I
was able to go to my door and reach to turn off the bathroom light, just
barely, almost fell on my face.
Once In my room I shut the door and got ready for bed. I
climbed in bed. Pulled the covers over my face so I wouldn't accidentally look
at any tooth fairies that might be in my room and turned out the light.
Thank God I was safe and in bed!!
NOT! Not even one minute later I realized I had to pee sooo
bad! I laid in bed trying to decide if it was worth all the work to get the
bathroom light back on or just say fuck it and go to bed and pray I don't have
an accident. I decided to risk having an accident and went to sleep.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Are you sure you see me here??
My entire life I was the odd kid out. I have been shy for as long as I can remember. I am not big on talking to people I don't know. And I do not make friends easily. Once I make a friend and I get used to them I am a completely different person. I can open up, I can let lose (to an extent) and I have no problem being close to myself.
I got picked on a bullied a lot growing up because of how I acted, dressed, looked, and everything else under the sun. I always felt like the few friends I had were "to your face" friends, but that it was completely different behind my back or if I wasn't around. They would talk to me in school, a few would call me outside of school, two would hang out with me on the weekends and during breaks.
If I had a birthday party I would invite all my friends but none of them would show up 90% of the time. There were a few parties where people did show up and those meant the world to me. My 16th birthday, as an example, my friends planned a surprise party for me. They "kidnapped" me at my house. They put a blind fold on me and shoved me in the truck. Then they took me out to eat at Subway. I knew where we were because of the smell, but they kept the blind fold on me and shove me in the bathroom. Then about 3 minutes later they let me out and there was cake and presents on a few of the tables. They knew that was my favorite place to eat back then. Then after that they blindfolded me again and took me somewhere else. They took me to the skating rink. A lot of them loved to roller skate, but they knew I was horrible at it so they all made sure that they helped me out and got me comfortable. That was an amazing birthday.
Then when I dropped out of high school a week before my Junior year all except one stopped talking to me. One even turned against me and would treat me like absolute dirt every time she saw me and would tell me that I just ruined my life. They when I got pregnant at 19 she treated me worse. The one that stuck around has been my best friend since I was 14 and she was 13. Our friendship is going on 14 1/2 years now.
In August of 2009 I moved to a different state to get away from an ex boyfriend. I lost the comfort of having friends to talk to and hang out with. I was alone with an aunt that was more abusive than the boyfriend. I started college out there almost right away too. I would have kids I would talk to in class, but that was about it. All the kids were 18 and fresh out of high school and here I was at 25 with a 5 year old kid. We didn't have much in common with each other at all. When I started working there would be people I would talk to at work, but it never went past that.
Finally in March 2011 I moved home. Everything was different though. I was living 40 minutes away from where I grew up and my friends were. My best friend had her second child and was planning her wedding. She was spending more time with her other friends. I just lived too far away for us to hang out like we used to. We used to be connected at the hip. We still talk. We text a few times a week. I see her every once in a while. We send each other stuff on facebook. She is like a sister to me and always will be, but things are different. As it should be expected when you move a 4 day drive away.
With me not having my own transportation or money I have always felt like its a burden on people to want to spend time with me. I can't go and do the things they like unless they are willing to pick me up and pay for me. I can't go to them, they have to come to me. I feel like I have to invite myself to certain things. Or push people to come to something I am trying to do.
Now I am dealing with trying to make new friends. I have lived in this town going on two years now. I must be wearing a sign that reads "Don't speak to me. I don't want friends. I am secretly a bitch. I hate all people, that includes you. I am younger than you. And you must pretend to be so cool you can't talk to me." because none of the moms even attempt to say more than "HI" to me, and that is as we pass each other when picking up/dropping off our kids. I have even gone out of my way to say things to these moms before and I get the whole "Cool kids" response. They look at me weird, reply, then turn their back to me, or just pretend I'm not there. I have never had an easy time making friends, but I have never gotten the cold shoulder from moms for two years in a row before. Its hard enough that I don't have friends, but they way they treat me prevents me from trying to set up 'play dates' for Elijah. The one mom that seems like she would be a good friend only speaks ASL, she has no speech at all. That makes it kinda tricky. I know "Hi, my name is _____" and "stupid pig" in ASL. Can't really repeat those over and over without her thinking I have lost my mind now can I?
I thought cliques were bad in high school. They are TEN TIMES worse when it comes to moms. Maybe its because their kids grew up together and only being here two years I am still "new" and they don't want to talk to the new mom. Or maybe they are threatened that they are all in mid-late 30s and I am still in my 20s. Maybe they don't take pity on the "poor" mom. Or maybe I just ooze pure awesome and they are intimidated by my "so much awesomer (yes I said it) than you" oozyness.
I mean I really do try to talk to the other moms during class parties or PTO meetings, but it gets passed over real quick. All the other moms text each other, call each other, are facebook friends, their kids hang out together all the time, they ride share with each other, and I have yet to see an "outsider" join their club. Our kids have been in the same classes with each other since 1st grade, but I am still on the outside looking in.
I got picked on a bullied a lot growing up because of how I acted, dressed, looked, and everything else under the sun. I always felt like the few friends I had were "to your face" friends, but that it was completely different behind my back or if I wasn't around. They would talk to me in school, a few would call me outside of school, two would hang out with me on the weekends and during breaks.
If I had a birthday party I would invite all my friends but none of them would show up 90% of the time. There were a few parties where people did show up and those meant the world to me. My 16th birthday, as an example, my friends planned a surprise party for me. They "kidnapped" me at my house. They put a blind fold on me and shoved me in the truck. Then they took me out to eat at Subway. I knew where we were because of the smell, but they kept the blind fold on me and shove me in the bathroom. Then about 3 minutes later they let me out and there was cake and presents on a few of the tables. They knew that was my favorite place to eat back then. Then after that they blindfolded me again and took me somewhere else. They took me to the skating rink. A lot of them loved to roller skate, but they knew I was horrible at it so they all made sure that they helped me out and got me comfortable. That was an amazing birthday.
Then when I dropped out of high school a week before my Junior year all except one stopped talking to me. One even turned against me and would treat me like absolute dirt every time she saw me and would tell me that I just ruined my life. They when I got pregnant at 19 she treated me worse. The one that stuck around has been my best friend since I was 14 and she was 13. Our friendship is going on 14 1/2 years now.
In August of 2009 I moved to a different state to get away from an ex boyfriend. I lost the comfort of having friends to talk to and hang out with. I was alone with an aunt that was more abusive than the boyfriend. I started college out there almost right away too. I would have kids I would talk to in class, but that was about it. All the kids were 18 and fresh out of high school and here I was at 25 with a 5 year old kid. We didn't have much in common with each other at all. When I started working there would be people I would talk to at work, but it never went past that.
Finally in March 2011 I moved home. Everything was different though. I was living 40 minutes away from where I grew up and my friends were. My best friend had her second child and was planning her wedding. She was spending more time with her other friends. I just lived too far away for us to hang out like we used to. We used to be connected at the hip. We still talk. We text a few times a week. I see her every once in a while. We send each other stuff on facebook. She is like a sister to me and always will be, but things are different. As it should be expected when you move a 4 day drive away.
With me not having my own transportation or money I have always felt like its a burden on people to want to spend time with me. I can't go and do the things they like unless they are willing to pick me up and pay for me. I can't go to them, they have to come to me. I feel like I have to invite myself to certain things. Or push people to come to something I am trying to do.
Now I am dealing with trying to make new friends. I have lived in this town going on two years now. I must be wearing a sign that reads "Don't speak to me. I don't want friends. I am secretly a bitch. I hate all people, that includes you. I am younger than you. And you must pretend to be so cool you can't talk to me." because none of the moms even attempt to say more than "HI" to me, and that is as we pass each other when picking up/dropping off our kids. I have even gone out of my way to say things to these moms before and I get the whole "Cool kids" response. They look at me weird, reply, then turn their back to me, or just pretend I'm not there. I have never had an easy time making friends, but I have never gotten the cold shoulder from moms for two years in a row before. Its hard enough that I don't have friends, but they way they treat me prevents me from trying to set up 'play dates' for Elijah. The one mom that seems like she would be a good friend only speaks ASL, she has no speech at all. That makes it kinda tricky. I know "Hi, my name is _____" and "stupid pig" in ASL. Can't really repeat those over and over without her thinking I have lost my mind now can I?
I thought cliques were bad in high school. They are TEN TIMES worse when it comes to moms. Maybe its because their kids grew up together and only being here two years I am still "new" and they don't want to talk to the new mom. Or maybe they are threatened that they are all in mid-late 30s and I am still in my 20s. Maybe they don't take pity on the "poor" mom. Or maybe I just ooze pure awesome and they are intimidated by my "so much awesomer (yes I said it) than you" oozyness.
I mean I really do try to talk to the other moms during class parties or PTO meetings, but it gets passed over real quick. All the other moms text each other, call each other, are facebook friends, their kids hang out together all the time, they ride share with each other, and I have yet to see an "outsider" join their club. Our kids have been in the same classes with each other since 1st grade, but I am still on the outside looking in.
One of these days it won't be such a challenge for me to make friends. At least that is what I am hoping for.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Everyone should have to fill one of these out
I am considering getting back in the dating game. So that put me on the quest to make a dating application. Any guys that wants to date me is going to have to fill it out. I am going to share it with all of you so that you may use it also if you would like. Here we go!!
- Do you have a problem with the fact that I already have a child in grade school? If yes then don't bother filling out any of these other questions.
-Do you have any illegitimate children? (This will not disqualify you as a potential mate- though, not knowing your children's name, ages, or when the child support payment is due- is grounds for immediate dismissal.)
-Do you have any Baby Mama Drama? Please Explain.
-Do you have any borderline insane ex-girlfriends that will continue to pop up and cause drama of catastrophic proportions throughout our relationship?
-What about general skeletons in your emotional closet that are just waiting for the perfect time to show themselves?
-Are you dragging invisible baggage behind you that will threaten to smother me at my most venerable.
-Do you know the difference between there, their, and they're?
-Does your phone automatically stop working as soon as you cross state lines? Especially when you cross said lines with your male friends.
-Are you allergic to expressing any and all emotion? Is it cool if I have emotions?
-Are you of the special breed of drunk that believes that if you don't remember it, it didn't happen?
-Are you planning on ceasing all grooming and efforts towards your appearance the second we are in a relationship? This includes, but is not limited to: gaining excess amounts of weight, infrequent bathing, and refusing to wash clothing unless they emit noxious odor.
-Have you ever been fired for drinking on the job?
-Have you ever been incarcerated. If so, how many times and for what duration?
-Do you habitually pick fights with buffer/large groups of men?
-Do you have to wake up before 9:00?
-Do you think my friends are cute and angelic? Do you still think my friends are adorable when they are in large groups and drinking? You are required to like them and be a sweetheart to them at all times or suffer the consequences. And they will be dire. Is that okay?
-This also applies for my family. Hope ya don't mind.
-My ears are very sensitive and I surely cannot listen to music that is not exceptionally enjoyable for me. Will that be a problem?
Multiple Choice
We are in a relationship. It is our one year anniversary. Your plans include:
a) dinner out, flowers, wine... typical romantic, yet boring and unoriginal shit
b) surprising me with an all-inclusive trip to some faraway, exotic trip. Bonus points if the destination is anywhere that requires more than 9 vaccinations to leave the country.
c) getting drunk with your friends, coming home and passing out on me. Again.
d) Plans? What plans? What day is it? WHERE AM I???
You are out with your friends, and some hot slut throws herself at you mercilessly. You:
a) flirt back with her shamelessly; even though you won't take it any further than that, your poor self esteem needs the validation of attention from someone else
b) smile politely, tell her that you're flattered, but have a girlfriend... then make a hasty exit
c) tell her to meet you out behind the bar for a quickie. Hey, if you use a condom, it doesn't count, right?
d) tell her that salvation is hers only through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, then ask to see her boobs
It's been a few days since you've seen me, and you miss me. You:
a) send me a text saying "Can't wait to see your gorgeous face!"
b) send me flowers at work with a note that says "Can't wait to see your gorgeous face!"
c) send me a picture message of your junk, saying "Can't wait to shove this in your face!"
d) hit the Internet for a few hours of porn. It'll have to do until you can get the real thing.
Essay (use separate page for each)
In exactly ten words, tell me why you would make an excellent boyfriend.
What are your short term and long term goals in life and relationships?
In your own words, explain to me what you think the fundamental differences are between men and women.
 |
| Who you are applying to date |
DATING APPLICATION
- Do you have a problem with the fact that I already have a child in grade school? If yes then don't bother filling out any of these other questions.
-Do you have any illegitimate children? (This will not disqualify you as a potential mate- though, not knowing your children's name, ages, or when the child support payment is due- is grounds for immediate dismissal.)
-Do you have any Baby Mama Drama? Please Explain.
-Do you have any borderline insane ex-girlfriends that will continue to pop up and cause drama of catastrophic proportions throughout our relationship?
-What about general skeletons in your emotional closet that are just waiting for the perfect time to show themselves?
-Are you dragging invisible baggage behind you that will threaten to smother me at my most venerable.
-Do you know the difference between there, their, and they're?
-Does your phone automatically stop working as soon as you cross state lines? Especially when you cross said lines with your male friends.
-Are you allergic to expressing any and all emotion? Is it cool if I have emotions?
-Are you of the special breed of drunk that believes that if you don't remember it, it didn't happen?
-Are you planning on ceasing all grooming and efforts towards your appearance the second we are in a relationship? This includes, but is not limited to: gaining excess amounts of weight, infrequent bathing, and refusing to wash clothing unless they emit noxious odor.
-Have you ever been fired for drinking on the job?
-Have you ever been incarcerated. If so, how many times and for what duration?
-Do you habitually pick fights with buffer/large groups of men?
-Do you have to wake up before 9:00?
-Do you think my friends are cute and angelic? Do you still think my friends are adorable when they are in large groups and drinking? You are required to like them and be a sweetheart to them at all times or suffer the consequences. And they will be dire. Is that okay?
-This also applies for my family. Hope ya don't mind.
-My ears are very sensitive and I surely cannot listen to music that is not exceptionally enjoyable for me. Will that be a problem?
-If we get into a fight do you have friends that will talk
smack about me and try to convince you to leave me just to try and get you to
sleep with someone else?
-Have you ever cheated on someone you are with? If so, did
you tell them or keep it to yourself?
-Do you fancy yourself God;s gift to women? If yes, please
explain.
-If I ask you if I look fat in something with you say the
truth or what I want to hear?
-What is your favorite domesticated animal? Give me three
reasons why.
-If you were on a deserted beach give me three emotions you
would feel.
-What is your favorite food? Give me three reasons why.
-How many states are the in the USA?
-Did you graduate High School? If not, do you have your GED?
We are in a relationship. It is our one year anniversary. Your plans include:
a) dinner out, flowers, wine... typical romantic, yet boring and unoriginal shit
b) surprising me with an all-inclusive trip to some faraway, exotic trip. Bonus points if the destination is anywhere that requires more than 9 vaccinations to leave the country.
c) getting drunk with your friends, coming home and passing out on me. Again.
d) Plans? What plans? What day is it? WHERE AM I???
You are out with your friends, and some hot slut throws herself at you mercilessly. You:
a) flirt back with her shamelessly; even though you won't take it any further than that, your poor self esteem needs the validation of attention from someone else
b) smile politely, tell her that you're flattered, but have a girlfriend... then make a hasty exit
c) tell her to meet you out behind the bar for a quickie. Hey, if you use a condom, it doesn't count, right?
d) tell her that salvation is hers only through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, then ask to see her boobs
It's been a few days since you've seen me, and you miss me. You:
a) send me a text saying "Can't wait to see your gorgeous face!"
b) send me flowers at work with a note that says "Can't wait to see your gorgeous face!"
c) send me a picture message of your junk, saying "Can't wait to shove this in your face!"
d) hit the Internet for a few hours of porn. It'll have to do until you can get the real thing.
Essay (use separate page for each)
In exactly ten words, tell me why you would make an excellent boyfriend.
What are your short term and long term goals in life and relationships?
In your own words, explain to me what you think the fundamental differences are between men and women.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
This makes me sick!
As most of you know I am a birth mother. I gave birth to a beautiful little girl six and a half years ago and decided just weeks before I had her to place her for adoption. It is a semi-open adoption. I get a letter and pictures from Scott and Lisa (her adoptive parents) once a year. At times that is hard, but it is also the best possible way for me to do this. I almost changed my mind at the last minute. I could not be happier with my decision to give my daughter the best possible life she could have. Everything her parents do for her I would not have been able to do. If I had kept her she would be a food stamp kid just like my 8 year old son is. While it would have been nice to watch my son be the big brother to my daughter I know that day will come some day. Her parents tell her about being adopted and tell her about me. I have always sent them pictures of her birth family so that she has them when she is old enough to full understand and chose to see them. I did what I did out of love and only out of love.
I just got done reading an article where a woman is saying that adoption agencies lie to birth mothers to get them to "give up" their child. We NEVER give up our child, we place them with a family. WE chose the parents, the parents don't chose us. The woman that wrote this article mentioned Catelyn and Tyler from MTVs Teen Mom through out her entire article. I have watched them from the start of 16 & Pregnant. I saw what they went through. This woman could not be more wrong about what she says.
Here is how she ends her article:
"Despite how Catelynn and Tyler were apparently snookered, they have been turned into poster birth parents to convince others to likewise give up their babies. We understand that the home lives of Catelynn and Tyler were not ideal, but as I recall, Catelynn's mother was against the adoption. However, circumstances change and one's baby is gone. What the positive press on them neglects to mention that adoption still hurts the child relinquished, even for such a wonderful and "open" adoption as Bethany was able to provide.--lorraine"
She also mentions more than once that a birth parent 'gives up' the child. As I said above we place we never give up. This woman also talks about the suicide rate being high with adoptee children. Here is how she mentioned it:
"We have seen in earlier studies that adopted children and teens generally have higher levels of psychological and emotional problems, though adoption "experts" such as Elizabeth Bartholet have tired to discount them entirely as dismiss them as "garbage." However, studies have found a higher rate, for instance, of suicide, or thoughts of suicide among adoptees. From the Journal of Mental Health Counseling, one can find this in a 2007 article:
While it is sad that her daughter decided to commit suicide I do not believe that it had anything to do with the fact that she was adopted. If the adoptive parents are open with the child about being adopted and do not hide it from the child then there should be no "struggles with intimacy." The children that never find out that they are adopted until later in life will struggle and have issues dealing with the fact.
What pulled my attention towards this article was a post from Catelyn and Tyler Official Facebook Page. It was a link to Tyler's response to this woman's article. I will share a piece of that now:
Just because one person had a horrible and sad experience
with adoption does not mean that it is that way for every single person
that chooses adoption for their child. My daughter is happy, loved,
safe, and educated. I am positive that Catelyn and Tyler's daughter is
the same. One persons bitterness can put a negative spin on something
incredibly amazing. I will post links to both articles now so you can
read them for yourselves.
Original article
Tyler's response
I just got done reading an article where a woman is saying that adoption agencies lie to birth mothers to get them to "give up" their child. We NEVER give up our child, we place them with a family. WE chose the parents, the parents don't chose us. The woman that wrote this article mentioned Catelyn and Tyler from MTVs Teen Mom through out her entire article. I have watched them from the start of 16 & Pregnant. I saw what they went through. This woman could not be more wrong about what she says.
Here is how she ends her article:
"Despite how Catelynn and Tyler were apparently snookered, they have been turned into poster birth parents to convince others to likewise give up their babies. We understand that the home lives of Catelynn and Tyler were not ideal, but as I recall, Catelynn's mother was against the adoption. However, circumstances change and one's baby is gone. What the positive press on them neglects to mention that adoption still hurts the child relinquished, even for such a wonderful and "open" adoption as Bethany was able to provide.--lorraine"
She also mentions more than once that a birth parent 'gives up' the child. As I said above we place we never give up. This woman also talks about the suicide rate being high with adoptee children. Here is how she mentioned it:
"We have seen in earlier studies that adopted children and teens generally have higher levels of psychological and emotional problems, though adoption "experts" such as Elizabeth Bartholet have tired to discount them entirely as dismiss them as "garbage." However, studies have found a higher rate, for instance, of suicide, or thoughts of suicide among adoptees. From the Journal of Mental Health Counseling, one can find this in a 2007 article:
Because of their struggles with a variety of emotional issues and biological and genetic concerns, adoptees may face intimacy with trepidation. They may avoid closeness and commitment with others or may, consciously or unconsciously, sabotage or restrain emotion in relationships (Common Clinical Issues Among Adoptees, 1995; Silverstein & Kaplan, 1982). Many never feel close to anyone. Struggles with intimacy may result in depression, alcohol abuse or drug abuse, marital troubles, or problems with family and children (Issues Facing Adult Adoptees, n.d.).I couldn't help but note that 2007 was the year my daughter committed suicide. An adopted young woman I know has suggested she struggles with closeness and commitment issues."
While it is sad that her daughter decided to commit suicide I do not believe that it had anything to do with the fact that she was adopted. If the adoptive parents are open with the child about being adopted and do not hide it from the child then there should be no "struggles with intimacy." The children that never find out that they are adopted until later in life will struggle and have issues dealing with the fact.
What pulled my attention towards this article was a post from Catelyn and Tyler Official Facebook Page. It was a link to Tyler's response to this woman's article. I will share a piece of that now:
Original article
Tyler's response
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Almost my worst fear. It's not a tumor.
One of my worst fears is getting cancer and not being able to care for my son the way I need to. I know I have family that would help, but it is not the same. This week I came as close to my worst fear as I could without it actually being my worst fear.
For the past 2 weeks I have been dealing with neck pain, blinding head aches, flashes of light in my vision, dizziness, and confusion. On Monday I finally decided to go to Urgent Care and have it checked out. I chose Urgent Care because it takes weeks to get in to see my primary care Dr. I got there about 8am and was seen by the Dr. After talking to the Dr and her doing a few simple test, checking my reflexes, pushing around my neck, and checking my eyes she sat down to talk to me. She said it sounds just like a migraine but she was not comfortable treating it as such. Simply for the reasons that my vision got blurry when she checked my eyes and my neck did not hurt when she pushed on it but I was complaining about neck pain. So she told me to go straight to the ER. I was not comfortable with that and had every intention on going home, but the next thing I knew was that I was walking into the ER.
I had to wait about an hour before a Dr came into my room, but it seemed that what I was telling them was a bit of a cause for concern. Right after the Dr walked out of the room I was getting blood drawn. That was not fun. My veins like to collapse now so they had to stick me 5 times before they found a vein that would hold. As soon as the blood draw was done I was being wheeled off to get a CT scan. I had never had one done before so I was not sure what to expect at all. Those machines are so loud. The noise and the spinning was making my head hurt so bad I just wanted the test to be over as soon as it started. Within 20 minutes of being back in my room the Dr was back with another Dr and they started prepping me for a lumbar puncture. I wanted to chicken out of the lumbar puncture so bad, but I have had an epidural and a spinal done for both of my c-sections so I didn't think this would be much different. It was completely different. I had to lay in the fetal position and arch my back, not easy when you are over weight with big boobs. I felt the needle go in with the numbing medication, that part was easy. After a minute or so they stick the bigger needle in. I feel pressure on my spin and a little pain on my left hip but the needle wouldn't get into place. So they pulled the needle out and tried again. It still wasn't working. They tried once or twice more but it finally took on the last time. I knew they hit where they wanted to because the pressure got a bit stronger. I had to lay in the arched back fetal position for about 5 minutes. There was so much fluid around my spine. The Dr. said he drained more fluid from me than he would normally be comfortable with but I had so much fluid around my spine.
After the lumbar puncture the pressure in my head eased up so much it felt so amazing! For the first time in 2 weeks it did not feel like my head was going to explode. The Dr told me that I had pseudotumor cerebri. All I heard was the word tumor. I had no clue what he meant or what pseudotumor cerebri was, but he said it happens more young women around my age. As soon as I got home I handed my dad the paperwork they sent me home with and we started looking up my condition and the medication they prescribed me. Pseudotumor Cerebri could basically be broken down as being every symptom of a brain tumor without there actually being a brain tumor. (link to follow)
Psuedotumor Cerebri
Yesterday I was finally able to pick up the prescription for the pharmacy, Diamox, and I was so happy. Finally something besides pain killers to help me out. I had gotten it too late in the day to get both doses in so I took one then waited until I woke up this morning to take the second dose. About 2 hours after taking my dose this morning I started to notice that my finger tips felt really weird, almost like a tingle. So After dropping my son off at school I came home and looked up side effects for my type of medication. Right there at the top of the page I see where it lists the serious side effects and that if you experience any of them to stop taking the medication immediately and contact your Dr. Well in that list I saw "tingling or tremors of hands and feet" so I called and left a voicemail for the nurses at my Dr and headed out to my follow up appointment with my eye doctor. As I am waiting to see my Optometrist my primary care Drs office calls back. I explain what is going on and tell them I have a follow up with them the following day. They tell me to stop taking the medication and if the symptoms get worse to go straight to the ER. Thankfully the tingling went away after another 2 hours or so.
Diamox Side Effects
My eye Dr did the follow up and after hearing that I have pseudotumor cerebri he says that when I saw him last week he was suspicion that the pseudotumor cerebri might have been my issue but he was not positive. Now knowing that, yes I do have it, he said my eye issues fit perfectly with the vision problems caused by the disease. He also said the pressure behind my eyes was not enough to cause him any concern but to keep him in the loop with all my upcoming Dr appointments. Tomorrow I have my follow up with my primary Dr and next month I see a neurologist. Lets hope this gets taken care of. It can be treated, but there is no promise that it will never come back.
For the past 2 weeks I have been dealing with neck pain, blinding head aches, flashes of light in my vision, dizziness, and confusion. On Monday I finally decided to go to Urgent Care and have it checked out. I chose Urgent Care because it takes weeks to get in to see my primary care Dr. I got there about 8am and was seen by the Dr. After talking to the Dr and her doing a few simple test, checking my reflexes, pushing around my neck, and checking my eyes she sat down to talk to me. She said it sounds just like a migraine but she was not comfortable treating it as such. Simply for the reasons that my vision got blurry when she checked my eyes and my neck did not hurt when she pushed on it but I was complaining about neck pain. So she told me to go straight to the ER. I was not comfortable with that and had every intention on going home, but the next thing I knew was that I was walking into the ER.
I had to wait about an hour before a Dr came into my room, but it seemed that what I was telling them was a bit of a cause for concern. Right after the Dr walked out of the room I was getting blood drawn. That was not fun. My veins like to collapse now so they had to stick me 5 times before they found a vein that would hold. As soon as the blood draw was done I was being wheeled off to get a CT scan. I had never had one done before so I was not sure what to expect at all. Those machines are so loud. The noise and the spinning was making my head hurt so bad I just wanted the test to be over as soon as it started. Within 20 minutes of being back in my room the Dr was back with another Dr and they started prepping me for a lumbar puncture. I wanted to chicken out of the lumbar puncture so bad, but I have had an epidural and a spinal done for both of my c-sections so I didn't think this would be much different. It was completely different. I had to lay in the fetal position and arch my back, not easy when you are over weight with big boobs. I felt the needle go in with the numbing medication, that part was easy. After a minute or so they stick the bigger needle in. I feel pressure on my spin and a little pain on my left hip but the needle wouldn't get into place. So they pulled the needle out and tried again. It still wasn't working. They tried once or twice more but it finally took on the last time. I knew they hit where they wanted to because the pressure got a bit stronger. I had to lay in the arched back fetal position for about 5 minutes. There was so much fluid around my spine. The Dr. said he drained more fluid from me than he would normally be comfortable with but I had so much fluid around my spine.
After the lumbar puncture the pressure in my head eased up so much it felt so amazing! For the first time in 2 weeks it did not feel like my head was going to explode. The Dr told me that I had pseudotumor cerebri. All I heard was the word tumor. I had no clue what he meant or what pseudotumor cerebri was, but he said it happens more young women around my age. As soon as I got home I handed my dad the paperwork they sent me home with and we started looking up my condition and the medication they prescribed me. Pseudotumor Cerebri could basically be broken down as being every symptom of a brain tumor without there actually being a brain tumor. (link to follow)
Psuedotumor Cerebri
Yesterday I was finally able to pick up the prescription for the pharmacy, Diamox, and I was so happy. Finally something besides pain killers to help me out. I had gotten it too late in the day to get both doses in so I took one then waited until I woke up this morning to take the second dose. About 2 hours after taking my dose this morning I started to notice that my finger tips felt really weird, almost like a tingle. So After dropping my son off at school I came home and looked up side effects for my type of medication. Right there at the top of the page I see where it lists the serious side effects and that if you experience any of them to stop taking the medication immediately and contact your Dr. Well in that list I saw "tingling or tremors of hands and feet" so I called and left a voicemail for the nurses at my Dr and headed out to my follow up appointment with my eye doctor. As I am waiting to see my Optometrist my primary care Drs office calls back. I explain what is going on and tell them I have a follow up with them the following day. They tell me to stop taking the medication and if the symptoms get worse to go straight to the ER. Thankfully the tingling went away after another 2 hours or so.
Diamox Side Effects
My eye Dr did the follow up and after hearing that I have pseudotumor cerebri he says that when I saw him last week he was suspicion that the pseudotumor cerebri might have been my issue but he was not positive. Now knowing that, yes I do have it, he said my eye issues fit perfectly with the vision problems caused by the disease. He also said the pressure behind my eyes was not enough to cause him any concern but to keep him in the loop with all my upcoming Dr appointments. Tomorrow I have my follow up with my primary Dr and next month I see a neurologist. Lets hope this gets taken care of. It can be treated, but there is no promise that it will never come back.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Its the most wonderful time of the year!
Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday. Ever since I can remember I have dressed up and gone trick or treating every single year. At 18 I was going with my friends, 19 I went with friends and their 9 year old sister. Then at 20 I had my son, how was only 3 months old, but I took him. At 28 years old I have NEVER missed trick or treating. This year I almost did though. My son didn't want to go because he got scared last year. So, I told him this year we would avoid the houses that scared him and go home as soon as he asked. We made it an hour before he was asking to go home.
My son had a Halloween party at school today and since they couldn't go in their costume I had to go to his school around noon to get him in his costume, do his hair, and his make up. I figured why not do my make up as well. The past 8 Halloweens I have gone as "mom" with some Halloween themed headband on. This year I went with full face paint and couldn't have been happier. It was my first time ever attempting to do what I did.
The first kid that saw me when I was in the school office said I looked freaky. SCORE! I got to his class room early. The kids were still at recess but two other moms were already in the room setting up for the Halloween party. One of the moms acts like I don't exist, which is fine by me. I am a good 8 years younger than most of the moms. The other mom said she had to do a double take to figure out who I was. Score again! My glasses were the only thing that gave away who I was lol. As the kids started piling into the classroom I got an array of looks. Some were intrigued, some were scared, some were trying to figure out who I was, and others asked me if I was X's mom. I had one kid refuse to walk past me. Score! Finally my son walked in the room and I got "Oh that is so cool mom!"
So while we were waiting for the 4th grade to finish in the bathroom with changing into their costumes we played a game with marshmallows. They had a marshmallow and a straw. Without using their hands they had to ploy the marshmallow to a plate about 6 feet away and get the marshmallow on the plate. There were some very competitive 3rd graders in that class room! Finally it was time to get changed into their costumes. Kids were grouping around me and my son as I was doing his hair and makeup. They were pretty impressed.
After everyone was dressed and ready to go it was time to line up for the parade. K-5th grade would walk from the school, to the fire station three blocks away, and back. You have never seen so many kids in costumes all in one place. There were some pretty awesome costumes in that crowd! My son decided not to follow on the parade so we waited in the classroom until they got back. Then it was snacks and crafts time! They made a bat, ate eyeballs, and had a contest to see who could name 16 different types of candy without touching them, smelling them, or tasting them. There was a little piece they got to look at to see if they could figure it out. My son came in third and got a Star Wars pens as his prize.
I loved the fact that out of all the parents that showed up for the parade and the class parties I was the only one that 'dressed up'. I was the coolest parent in that school. The teachers had themed costumes as well. From what I could tell the 2nd grade teachers were punk rockers, the 3rd grade teachers wore solid colors with a party hat on and a letter on their chest (not sure what they were) and the staff wore footie PJs.
After seeing me scare two more kids with my face paint my son finally decided that its ok to go trick or treating because Mommy will scare people away. It was so funny because they turned down the hall we were walking in and actually stopped in their tracks and started backing up while repeating "scarey, scarey, so scarey." I honestly did not think my makeup was scarey at all. Maybe it was a combination of the makeup and the wig. All I know is I had an amazing Halloween and can't wait until next year!
My son had a Halloween party at school today and since they couldn't go in their costume I had to go to his school around noon to get him in his costume, do his hair, and his make up. I figured why not do my make up as well. The past 8 Halloweens I have gone as "mom" with some Halloween themed headband on. This year I went with full face paint and couldn't have been happier. It was my first time ever attempting to do what I did.
The first kid that saw me when I was in the school office said I looked freaky. SCORE! I got to his class room early. The kids were still at recess but two other moms were already in the room setting up for the Halloween party. One of the moms acts like I don't exist, which is fine by me. I am a good 8 years younger than most of the moms. The other mom said she had to do a double take to figure out who I was. Score again! My glasses were the only thing that gave away who I was lol. As the kids started piling into the classroom I got an array of looks. Some were intrigued, some were scared, some were trying to figure out who I was, and others asked me if I was X's mom. I had one kid refuse to walk past me. Score! Finally my son walked in the room and I got "Oh that is so cool mom!"
After everyone was dressed and ready to go it was time to line up for the parade. K-5th grade would walk from the school, to the fire station three blocks away, and back. You have never seen so many kids in costumes all in one place. There were some pretty awesome costumes in that crowd! My son decided not to follow on the parade so we waited in the classroom until they got back. Then it was snacks and crafts time! They made a bat, ate eyeballs, and had a contest to see who could name 16 different types of candy without touching them, smelling them, or tasting them. There was a little piece they got to look at to see if they could figure it out. My son came in third and got a Star Wars pens as his prize.
I loved the fact that out of all the parents that showed up for the parade and the class parties I was the only one that 'dressed up'. I was the coolest parent in that school. The teachers had themed costumes as well. From what I could tell the 2nd grade teachers were punk rockers, the 3rd grade teachers wore solid colors with a party hat on and a letter on their chest (not sure what they were) and the staff wore footie PJs.
After seeing me scare two more kids with my face paint my son finally decided that its ok to go trick or treating because Mommy will scare people away. It was so funny because they turned down the hall we were walking in and actually stopped in their tracks and started backing up while repeating "scarey, scarey, so scarey." I honestly did not think my makeup was scarey at all. Maybe it was a combination of the makeup and the wig. All I know is I had an amazing Halloween and can't wait until next year!
Monday, October 29, 2012
Happy, calm, peaceful.
I haven't written an update about my son in a while and thought today would be a good day to due just that. He has been on his medication for two months now and he is doing pretty well on it. Still having some issues with the sleep,but nothing like it was before. He has not 'blown up' at me since either. He is still having moments where he gets so frustrated that he hits himself, but it is so much easier to calm him down when that happens.
He has been doing so well with his Social Worker that we are going down to 2 visits a month instead of 4. His Social Worker is very impressed with the changes that my son has made and I am as well. On the days where I forget to give him his medication I can see a MAJOR difference in him. I knew things were bad, but with him being so much more calm it never really hit me just how much a difference the medication was making. He is so hyper, off the wall, and uncontrollable when he is off the medication.
We decided that we would put him back on his ritalin as well. However, instead of 5mg at 4pm I cut them in half and he gets 2.5mg at 2pm. That was he is still focused when I am trying to get him to do his homework but it has worn off by the time bedtime gets here. The nurse from his school gives it to him as well.
I am still having MAJOR issues getting him to eat at school. My dad and I took him to the store to pick out his own lunchbox and other things to pack lunch in, I buy food I know he will eat, the nurse has granola bars I gave her for him to eat at lunch, and he still isnt eating. When I packed his lunches he would come home not having eaten anything that I packed. I have got to get him to stop losing weight or we have to change his medication and that is not something I am looking forward to. In the past 2 months he has lost at least 8 pounds and 6 or 7 of those were in the first month. He is at his 'normal' weight now, but to me he looks so thin. I am used to him having a small pudge tummy and 'thunder thighs'. Now he has what I call chicken legs and the tummy pudge is gone.
My mom did make a suggestion to me though. I could make him 'milkshakes' with ice cream, protien powder, peanut butter or fruits, and fiber. Then he could have those for break fast. I think its a great idea, but I think milk/dairy is what is causing him to still get croup at his age. Next Monday he sees an allergy specialist for me to find out what food he is allergic to so I know what to stop giving him and he should stop getting croup after that. I guess I could always use soy ice cream and soy milk to make the 'milkshakes.'
He is doing great in OT therapy as well. They are working on building his muscles in his core, arms, and shoulders. They are always working on his handwriting. He has gotten so used to writing in a mix of upper case and lower case that when he has to write everything in lower case he freezes and shakes because he can't remember how to do it or how the letter is supposed to look. They are going to start working on his sensory and motor issues with brushing his teeth. He hates the feeling of the bristles on his gums and has a slightly difficult time figuring out how to hold the tooth brush depending on the teeth he is trying to clean.
Other than all of this we are doing great at dealing with this. My son is happy, aside from being teased at school, and things in the house are finally calm. I am so happy with myself that I finally got him tested. For those that are on the fence about having their kids tested, take if from me and DO NOT wait!!
He has been doing so well with his Social Worker that we are going down to 2 visits a month instead of 4. His Social Worker is very impressed with the changes that my son has made and I am as well. On the days where I forget to give him his medication I can see a MAJOR difference in him. I knew things were bad, but with him being so much more calm it never really hit me just how much a difference the medication was making. He is so hyper, off the wall, and uncontrollable when he is off the medication.
We decided that we would put him back on his ritalin as well. However, instead of 5mg at 4pm I cut them in half and he gets 2.5mg at 2pm. That was he is still focused when I am trying to get him to do his homework but it has worn off by the time bedtime gets here. The nurse from his school gives it to him as well.
I am still having MAJOR issues getting him to eat at school. My dad and I took him to the store to pick out his own lunchbox and other things to pack lunch in, I buy food I know he will eat, the nurse has granola bars I gave her for him to eat at lunch, and he still isnt eating. When I packed his lunches he would come home not having eaten anything that I packed. I have got to get him to stop losing weight or we have to change his medication and that is not something I am looking forward to. In the past 2 months he has lost at least 8 pounds and 6 or 7 of those were in the first month. He is at his 'normal' weight now, but to me he looks so thin. I am used to him having a small pudge tummy and 'thunder thighs'. Now he has what I call chicken legs and the tummy pudge is gone.
My mom did make a suggestion to me though. I could make him 'milkshakes' with ice cream, protien powder, peanut butter or fruits, and fiber. Then he could have those for break fast. I think its a great idea, but I think milk/dairy is what is causing him to still get croup at his age. Next Monday he sees an allergy specialist for me to find out what food he is allergic to so I know what to stop giving him and he should stop getting croup after that. I guess I could always use soy ice cream and soy milk to make the 'milkshakes.'
He is doing great in OT therapy as well. They are working on building his muscles in his core, arms, and shoulders. They are always working on his handwriting. He has gotten so used to writing in a mix of upper case and lower case that when he has to write everything in lower case he freezes and shakes because he can't remember how to do it or how the letter is supposed to look. They are going to start working on his sensory and motor issues with brushing his teeth. He hates the feeling of the bristles on his gums and has a slightly difficult time figuring out how to hold the tooth brush depending on the teeth he is trying to clean.
Other than all of this we are doing great at dealing with this. My son is happy, aside from being teased at school, and things in the house are finally calm. I am so happy with myself that I finally got him tested. For those that are on the fence about having their kids tested, take if from me and DO NOT wait!!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Old people need to be retested.
It should be a law that once you hit a certain age you must retake your driving test. The age I usually feel this should start at is 65. Once you are 65 you should retake your test yearly. Then, at 70 and beyond you need to retake that test every 6 months. Not only do they need to retake the test they also need to have a vision test every 6 months. For some reason most people over the age of 65 seem to have completely forgotten how to drive.
They either drive too fast and swerve everywhere or they drive way too slow and hit the breaks every 100 feet. Then you get the ones that are scared out of their pants if they have to merge onto the highway. The will literally stop in the on ramp at times (I have seen it happen more than 5 times).
Have you ever noticed that elderly women will have their seat so far up they are practically hugging the steering wheel but then they also pull themselves forward to have their chins almost touching the steering wheel?
I have found a few charts that prove my point. Drivers are the worst from 16-22 and 65+ I will share them now :)
And by 2030 almost 25% of the driver on the road will be 65+
Sunday, October 14, 2012
God loves the LGTBQ people, it is NOT a choice, and they are not treated equally
I have read and heard so many Christians talking about how
the LGBTQ community are mentally unstable, being pushed by Satan, fighting for
rights they already have, doing nothing but starting fights, forcing people to
live in sin, and so many other things. It makes to sick to my stomach. I am a
Christian and I would NEVER talk so negatively about someone just because they
are different than me. Christians like them are exactly what they are preaching
against. I am also getting sick and tired of seeing that the LGBTQ community is only pushing for same sex marriage rights. There are over ONE THOUSAND rights they are denied because of whom they chose to love. So below I am going to talk about some scriptures that are being interpreted to fit "Gay is a sin" people, show an image of a brain scan, and talk about some rights that are denied. I also will include (at the bottom) the links of where I found everything.
Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the
image of God he created him.
Therefor God himself is a little gay. God created man (the human race) in his own image. Yet there are people out there that have completely twisted this around to fit how they want it to fit.
Therefor God himself is a little gay. God created man (the human race) in his own image. Yet there are people out there that have completely twisted this around to fit how they want it to fit.
1 Corinthians 6:11 - "And that is what some of you
were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name
of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."
Clearly spoken about homosexuals, they will inherit the Lords Kingdom, meaning they WILL go to heaven. Sinners don’t go to heaven, so obviously LGBTQ people are NOT sinners.
Clearly spoken about homosexuals, they will inherit the Lords Kingdom, meaning they WILL go to heaven. Sinners don’t go to heaven, so obviously LGBTQ people are NOT sinners.
Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is
detestable" (Leviticus 18:22) and "If a man lies with a man as
one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be
put to death; their blood will be on their own heads"
(Leviticus 20:13).
Back then women were mans property and viewed as weak. All this meant was that one man should not treat another man as they did women. No man should be treated as property or weak. This means NOTHING about homosexuality.
Back then women were mans property and viewed as weak. All this meant was that one man should not treat another man as they did women. No man should be treated as property or weak. This means NOTHING about homosexuality.
Brain scans have provided the most compelling evidence yet
that being gay or straight is a biologically fixed trait.
The scans reveal that in gay people, key structures of the
brain governing emotion, mood, anxiety and aggressiveness resemble those in
straight people of the opposite sex.
The differences are likely to have been forged in the womb
or in early infancy, says Ivanka Savic, who conducted the study at the Karolinska
Institute in Stockholm, Sweden.
"This is the most robust measure so far of cerebral
differences between homosexual and heterosexual subjects," she says.
Previous studies have also shown differences in brain
architecture and activity between gay and straight people, but most relied on
people's responses to sexuality driven cues that could have been learned, such
as rating the attractiveness of male or female faces.
Here are some of the legal rights that married couples have
and gays and lesbians are denied:
- Joint parental rights of children
- Joint adoption
- Status as "next-of-kin" for hospital visits and medical decisions
- Right to make a decision about the disposal of loved ones remains
- Immigration and residency for partners from other countries
- Crime victims recovery benefits
- Domestic violence protection orders
- Judicial protections and immunity
- Automatic inheritance in the absence of a will
- Public safety officers death benefits
- Spousal veterans benefits
- Social Security
- Medicare
- Joint filing of tax returns
- Wrongful death benefits for surviving partner and children
- Bereavement or sick leave to care for partner or children
- Child support
- Joint Insurance Plans
- Tax credits including: Child tax credit, Hope and lifetime learning credits
- Deferred Compensation for pension and IRAs
- Estate and gift tax benefits
- Welfare and public assistance
- Joint housing for elderly
- Credit protection
- Medical care for survivors and dependents of certain veterans
An Overview of Federal Rights and Protections Granted to
Married Couples
There are 1,138 benefits, rights and
protections provided on the basis of marital status in Federal law.
[1] Because the Defense of Marriage Act defines "marriage" as
only a legal union between one man and one woman, same-sex couples - even if
legally married in their state - will not be considered spouses for purposes of
federal law.
The following is a summary of several categories of federal
laws contingent upon marital status.
Social Security
Social Security provides the sole means of support for some
elderly Americans. All working Americans contribute to this program
through payroll tax, and receive payments upon retirement. Surviving
spouses of working Americans are eligible to receive Social Security payments.
A surviving spouse caring for a deceased employee’s minor child is also
eligible for an additional support payment. Surviving spouse and
surviving parent benefits are denied to gay and lesbian Americans because they
cannot marry. Thus, a lesbian couple who contributes an equal amount to
Social Security over their lifetime as a married couple would receive
drastically unequal benefits, as set forth below.
Family Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits Eligible for
Surviving Parent Benefits
- Family #1: Married husband and wife, both are biological parents of the child
- Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
- Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
- Family #2: Same-sex couple, deceased worker was the biological parent or adoptive of the child
- Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
- Not Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
- Family #3: Same-sex couple, deceased worker was not the biological parent nor able to adopt child through second-parent adoption
- Not Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
- Not Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
Tax
According to the GAO report, as of 1997 there were 179 tax
provisions that took marital status into account. The following is
a limited sample of such tax provisions.
Tax on Employer-Provided Health Benefits to Domestic Partners
In growing numbers, both public and private employers across
the country have made the business decision to provide domestic partner
benefits in order to promoted fairness and equality in the workplace.
For example, as of August 2003, 198 (almost forty percent) of the Fortune
500 companies and 173 state and local governments nationwide provide health
insurance benefits to the domestic partners of their employees. Federal
tax law has not kept up with corporate and governmental who take advantage of
it are taxed inequitably.
As policymakers have put an increasing emphasis on
delivering health coverage through the tax code and as the cost of healthcare
has once again begun to skyrocket, the current inequities in the tax code have
placed a burden on the employers who provide healthcare coverage to domestic
partners and on the employees who depend upon these benefits to provide
security for their families.
1. Burden on Employees
Employers who provide health benefits to their employees typically pay a portion of the premium – if not the entire premium. Currently, the Code provides that the employer’s contribution of the premium for health insurance for an employee’s spouse is excluded from the employee’s taxable income. An employer’s contribution for the domestic partner’s coverage, however, is included in the employee’s taxable income as a fringe benefit.
Employers who provide health benefits to their employees typically pay a portion of the premium – if not the entire premium. Currently, the Code provides that the employer’s contribution of the premium for health insurance for an employee’s spouse is excluded from the employee’s taxable income. An employer’s contribution for the domestic partner’s coverage, however, is included in the employee’s taxable income as a fringe benefit.
2. Burden on Employers
An employer’s payroll tax liability is calculated based on their employees’ taxable incomes. When contributions for domestic partner benefits are included in employees’ incomes, employers pay higher payroll taxes. This provision also places an administrative burden on employers by requiring them to identify those employees utilizing their benefits for a partner rather than a spouse. Employers must then calculate the portion of their contribution that is attributable to the partner, and create and maintain a separate payroll function for these employees’ income tax withholding and payroll tax. Thus, the employers are penalized for making a sound business decision that contributes to stability in the workforce.
An employer’s payroll tax liability is calculated based on their employees’ taxable incomes. When contributions for domestic partner benefits are included in employees’ incomes, employers pay higher payroll taxes. This provision also places an administrative burden on employers by requiring them to identify those employees utilizing their benefits for a partner rather than a spouse. Employers must then calculate the portion of their contribution that is attributable to the partner, and create and maintain a separate payroll function for these employees’ income tax withholding and payroll tax. Thus, the employers are penalized for making a sound business decision that contributes to stability in the workforce.
Inequitable Treatment of Children Raised in LGBT
Households
Recent data shows that at least 1 million children are being raised by same-sex couples in the United States. The Code contains competing definitions of “child.” Certain provisions of the Code defining child penalize for the marital status of their parents and caregivers.
Recent data shows that at least 1 million children are being raised by same-sex couples in the United States. The Code contains competing definitions of “child.” Certain provisions of the Code defining child penalize for the marital status of their parents and caregivers.
1. Earned Income Tax Credit
Eligibility for the earned income tax credit (EITC) is based in part upon the number of “qualifying” children in the taxpayer’s household. See 26 USC § 32. The definition of qualifying child under this provision includes only a child who is the taxpayer’s (a) biological child or descendent; (b) stepchild of the taxpayer; or (c) adopted child. Certain children of lesbian and gay couples are disadvantaged by this provision. For exampled, a taxpayer and their partner domestic are jointly raising the partner’s biological child. The taxpayer works full-time and the child’s legal parent stays home to care for the child. The state in which the taxpayer resides does not permit them to adopt through second-parent adoption or to marry the partner and become the child’s step-parent. This working family is therefore ineligible for an adjustment of the EITC, and therefore has decreased the resources to devote to the child’s care.
Eligibility for the earned income tax credit (EITC) is based in part upon the number of “qualifying” children in the taxpayer’s household. See 26 USC § 32. The definition of qualifying child under this provision includes only a child who is the taxpayer’s (a) biological child or descendent; (b) stepchild of the taxpayer; or (c) adopted child. Certain children of lesbian and gay couples are disadvantaged by this provision. For exampled, a taxpayer and their partner domestic are jointly raising the partner’s biological child. The taxpayer works full-time and the child’s legal parent stays home to care for the child. The state in which the taxpayer resides does not permit them to adopt through second-parent adoption or to marry the partner and become the child’s step-parent. This working family is therefore ineligible for an adjustment of the EITC, and therefore has decreased the resources to devote to the child’s care.
2. Head of Household Status
Heads of household, as defined by 26 U.S.C. § 2, are eligible for an increased standard deduction that, among other things, provides taxpayers with increased funds to care for their dependents. The “limitations” section of this provision explicitly denies the benefit of head-of-household status to taxpayers supporting non-biological, non-adopted children. Thus, a gay or lesbian taxpayer who supports his or her partner’s child (and who is ineligible to adopt the child) has fewer post-tax dollars with which to support the child.
Heads of household, as defined by 26 U.S.C. § 2, are eligible for an increased standard deduction that, among other things, provides taxpayers with increased funds to care for their dependents. The “limitations” section of this provision explicitly denies the benefit of head-of-household status to taxpayers supporting non-biological, non-adopted children. Thus, a gay or lesbian taxpayer who supports his or her partner’s child (and who is ineligible to adopt the child) has fewer post-tax dollars with which to support the child.
3. Child Tax Credit
Taxpayers meeting income eligibility requirements are entitled to a credit against tax for qualifying children in their households. This provision limits the child tax credit to children who meet the relationship test set fourth in the earned income tax provisions, § 32(c)(3)(B). As set forth above, § 32 does not include children of a taxpayer’s domestic partner if the children are not related to the taxpayer biologically or through adoption.
Taxpayers meeting income eligibility requirements are entitled to a credit against tax for qualifying children in their households. This provision limits the child tax credit to children who meet the relationship test set fourth in the earned income tax provisions, § 32(c)(3)(B). As set forth above, § 32 does not include children of a taxpayer’s domestic partner if the children are not related to the taxpayer biologically or through adoption.
All three of these inequities have the effect of penalizing
families who choose to have one parent in the work force and the other caring
for the children full-time. In addition, they disadvantage such
couples and their children by limiting the choice of which parent will be a
full-time caregiver. Although similarly situated married couples may
choose which parent will fulfill that role without consequence, lesbian and gay
couples, as well as other unmarried couples, face negative tax consequences for
the same decision.
Tax on Gain from the Sale of the Taxpayer’s Principal
Residence
Under Internal Revenue Code §121, a single taxpayer may
exclude up to $250,000 of profit due to the sale of his or her personal
principal residence from taxable income. Married couples filing
jointly may exclude up to $500,000 on the sale of their home. Lesbian and
gay couples, who are not permitted to marry or to file jointly, are therefore
taxed on all gain above $250,000, creating a large tax penalty compared to
similarly situated married couples.
Estate Tax
Internal Revenue Code § 2056 exempts amounts transferred to a surviving spouse from the decedent’s taxable estate. For same-sex couples who are legally barred from marriage, this exemption is not available, creating an inequity in taxation.
Internal Revenue Code § 2056 exempts amounts transferred to a surviving spouse from the decedent’s taxable estate. For same-sex couples who are legally barred from marriage, this exemption is not available, creating an inequity in taxation.
Taxation of Retirement Savings
Under current law, when a retirement plan participant dies, plan benefits must be distributed in a lump sum or remain in the plan to be distributed in accordance with the minimum distribution requirements of § 401(a)(9). This problem does not exist if the beneficiary is the deceased participant’s surviving spouse, because the surviving spouse may transfer plan benefits to an IRA or a retirement plan in which he or she is a participant. This entitlement is valuable because (a) it allows the surviving spouse to defer taxation of the proceeds, often until the survivor is in a lower tax bracket; and (b) it protects the surviving spouse from being forced to withdraw from an investment program when its value is depressed. Because gay and lesbian couples are treated as strangers under federal tax and pension law, they cannot transfer plan benefits without incurring significant penalties, and do not have the flexibility to withdraw funds when they choose. The example below demonstrates this inequity:
Under current law, when a retirement plan participant dies, plan benefits must be distributed in a lump sum or remain in the plan to be distributed in accordance with the minimum distribution requirements of § 401(a)(9). This problem does not exist if the beneficiary is the deceased participant’s surviving spouse, because the surviving spouse may transfer plan benefits to an IRA or a retirement plan in which he or she is a participant. This entitlement is valuable because (a) it allows the surviving spouse to defer taxation of the proceeds, often until the survivor is in a lower tax bracket; and (b) it protects the surviving spouse from being forced to withdraw from an investment program when its value is depressed. Because gay and lesbian couples are treated as strangers under federal tax and pension law, they cannot transfer plan benefits without incurring significant penalties, and do not have the flexibility to withdraw funds when they choose. The example below demonstrates this inequity:
Michelle and Sarah have been in a committed relationship for
over 10 years. They have registered as domestic partners under the
laws of the District of Columbia. Throughout their relationship, they
have taken every legal step available to formalize their relationship and
protect themselves, legally and financially as domestic partners.
Michelle participated in her employer’s 401(k) retirement plans, naming Sarah
as the primary beneficiary. Sarah purchased an individual retirement
account (IRA). While driving to her job, Michelle is killed in a car
accident. Sarah does not have the option to transfer Michelle’s 401(k)
funds into her existing IRA because, under current law, only a “spouse” may
roll over 401(k) and inherited IRA plans upon the death of a plan participant.
Sarah must then take the entire proceeds of the inherited 401(k) in a lump sum
and pay taxes on them immediately at a much higher rate, rather than rolling it
over into her own name tax free as a surviving spouse can do.
Family and Medical Leave
The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) guarantees family
and medical leave to employees to care for parents, children or spouses.
As currently interpreted, this law does not provide leave to care for a
domestic partner or the domestic partner’s family member. Family and
medical leave should be a benefit for all American workers.
Immigration Law
Currently, U.S. immigration law does not allow lesbian
and gay citizens or permanent residents to petition for their same-sex partners
to immigrate. Approximately 75% of the one million green cards or
immigrant visas issued each year are granted to family members of U.S. citizens
and permanent residents. However, those excluded from the definition,
under current immigration law of family, are not eligible to immigrate as
family. Such ineligible person include (but are not limited to) same-sex
partners and unmarried heterosexual couples.
Each year, current law forces thousands of lesbian and gay
couples to separate or live in constant fear of deportation. In
some cases, partners of lesbian and gays face prosecution by the Immigration
and Naturalization Service (INS), hefty fines and deportation and U.S. citizens
are sometimes left with no other choice but to migrate with their partner to a
nation whose immigration laws recognize their relationship. This creates
a tremendous hardship, not only for those involved, but for their friends and
family, and leads to a drain of talent and productivity for our country.
Fifteen countries: Australia, Belgium, Canada, Denmark,
Finland, France, Germany, Iceland, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, South
Africa, Sweden and the United Kingdom recognize lesbian and gay couples for the
purposes of immigration.
Employee Benefits for Federal Workers
According to the GAO Report, marital status affects over 270
provisions dealing with current and retired federal employees, members of the
Armed Forces, elected officials, and judges. Most significantly,
under current law, domestic partners of federal employees are excluded from the
Federal Employees Health Benefits Program (FEHBP). Although married
couples are eligible for reimbursement for expenses incurred by a domestic
partner are not reimbursable. As of August 2003, nine states and the
District of Columbia and 322 local governments offer health benefits to the
domestic partners of their public employees, while the nation’s largest
employer – the federal government – does not.
Continued Health Coverage (COBRA)
Federal law requires employers to give their former
employees the opportunity to continue their employer-provided health insurance
coverage by paying a premium (the requirement was part of the consolidated
Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act of 1985; hence the common name COBRA).
An increasing number of employers, including 198 of the Fortune 500, now offer
their employees domestic partner benefits. Although this trend is
encouraging, the Federal COBRA law does not require employers to provide
domestic partners the continued coverage guaranteed to married couples.
Under 29 U.S.C. § 1167, an employer is only required to offer continuation
coverage to the employee and to “qualified beneficiaries,” defined as the
employee’s spouse and dependent children, regardless of whether the employee’s
original benefits plan covered other beneficiaries. Because of the narrow
definition of “spouse” under federal law, employees are not guaranteed
continued coverage for their domestic partners. [2]
[1] Defense of Marriage Act: An Update to Prior
Report, General Accounting Office, 2004
[2] Nothing in this law prevents an employer from extending
COBRA benefits to domestic partners.
Monday, October 1, 2012
No one said it would be easy!
As most of you know, my son was recently diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. Some things have gotten better while other problems have arrived. He has been on his medication for three weeks now, but I did stop giving him his Ritalin. His pediatrician said that 5mg of Ritalin at 4pm was way too late and said to stop giving it to him. I have decided, though, to buy a pill cutter and try giving him 1/2 a dose because the ODD showed its head again when I took him off it. Not as bad as it was, but he hits himself when he is frustrated or not getting his way. I have also noticed that while he is doing excellent in school now he has the HARDEST time falling asleep at night now.
He has always been the type of kid to fall asleep quickly. Ever since he started his medication it takes him hours to fall asleep now. Yesterday I had to let him cry himself to sleep and it was horrible. I, thankfully, had my dad keeping me strong. I couldn't let him cry himself to sleep when he was a baby without my parents pretty much barricading me out of the bedroom and its not easier when they are older. He only cried for 15 minutes last night which was a blessing.
I decided to use my Kindle to help him sleep, and at times it works. I will put on Jeff Dunham (my son is obsessed with J.D.) but put the kindle where he can't watch it and only hear it. Usually he falls asleep before its over, sometimes he falls asleep right after it ends. My son can now quote, word for word, 5 minute segments of his shows. I have tried having him listen to music on Pandora, but he has the weirdest musical taste and that made using Pandora very difficult. I was the type of kid that had to have noise to sleep and was like that until I was 21. So, its no biggie when I have something on for my son if it helps.
Another thing I knew would happen, but didn't expect, was how busy I would get with all the appointments my son would have to help with this (I am going to attach a picture of this months calender at the bottom of the blog). He sees a Social Worker 1x a week to talk about whats going on and get tips on how to work on his problem areas. He sees a Dr. 1x a month about his medication and all that good stuff. He goes to OT therapy 1x a week (except right now its more like 1x every other week) to work on his sensory issues and all that. He has a speech therapy evaluation coming up to see if he needs speech therapy. His mouth works faster than his mind and he stumbles to get out what he wants to say or repeats himself until he knows what he wants to say. If he needs speech therapy that will be another 1x a week thing. On top of that he is in school (3rd grade) and missing class for all these appointments, and he is in Cub Scouts 3x a month. With me not having my own car (I used my dads) I only have a car to use until 4pm M-Th and 2pm F. So if my son isn't missing an hour and a half in the beginning of the school day he is missing 2 hours in the middle of the day or 45 minutes at the end of the day.
To my surprise though, my son gets As and Bs with the occasional C. I tell his teachers when he leave earlier than 45 minutes at the end of school to send home everything he would miss so I can have him do it at home. He gets his homework packet done no later than Tuesday every week also. I knew that he was going to be missing a lot of school this year while we take him to these appointments to help him out, but his principal is not happy with how much school he is missing. I can't blame her. It is 2 months into the school year and he has missed (total) 4-6 days of school with all his appointments.
On top of all this I have at home things I am supposed to be doing (I forget sometimes) to help with his OT therapy. I was given one of those surgical scrub brushes that Drs use to "scrub in" for surgery and was told to use that on my son. I am to push it down firmly against his skin and "brush" his arms, hands, back, and legs at least 3-4 times a day. Then after I do that I am supposed to do joint compressions. I hold either side of his joints (hands, elbows, shoulders, hips, knees, ankles) and gently push the joint together. Both of these things are supposed to be relaxing to his nerves and help desensitize him from some of the sensory issues he has. I am not the best at remembering to do the things I need to do for myself and it is challenging to remember to do what I need to for my son. AND I am a full time college student and I work part-time. So with everything I have to do for my son and my jobs I still need to get my school work and homework done.
I love my son, I want all the help I can get for my son, and I really don't mind how busy I am now. I know that my son is happier now that he has been before, except for bedtime he is miserable. Its not easy, but its not hard all at the same time. I just know that one day he isn't going to need all this help anymore because he is going to have all the skills he needs to live a happy life without his ADHD and ODD taking over his life. And THAT is the greatest gift my son could ever have!
He has always been the type of kid to fall asleep quickly. Ever since he started his medication it takes him hours to fall asleep now. Yesterday I had to let him cry himself to sleep and it was horrible. I, thankfully, had my dad keeping me strong. I couldn't let him cry himself to sleep when he was a baby without my parents pretty much barricading me out of the bedroom and its not easier when they are older. He only cried for 15 minutes last night which was a blessing.
I decided to use my Kindle to help him sleep, and at times it works. I will put on Jeff Dunham (my son is obsessed with J.D.) but put the kindle where he can't watch it and only hear it. Usually he falls asleep before its over, sometimes he falls asleep right after it ends. My son can now quote, word for word, 5 minute segments of his shows. I have tried having him listen to music on Pandora, but he has the weirdest musical taste and that made using Pandora very difficult. I was the type of kid that had to have noise to sleep and was like that until I was 21. So, its no biggie when I have something on for my son if it helps.
Another thing I knew would happen, but didn't expect, was how busy I would get with all the appointments my son would have to help with this (I am going to attach a picture of this months calender at the bottom of the blog). He sees a Social Worker 1x a week to talk about whats going on and get tips on how to work on his problem areas. He sees a Dr. 1x a month about his medication and all that good stuff. He goes to OT therapy 1x a week (except right now its more like 1x every other week) to work on his sensory issues and all that. He has a speech therapy evaluation coming up to see if he needs speech therapy. His mouth works faster than his mind and he stumbles to get out what he wants to say or repeats himself until he knows what he wants to say. If he needs speech therapy that will be another 1x a week thing. On top of that he is in school (3rd grade) and missing class for all these appointments, and he is in Cub Scouts 3x a month. With me not having my own car (I used my dads) I only have a car to use until 4pm M-Th and 2pm F. So if my son isn't missing an hour and a half in the beginning of the school day he is missing 2 hours in the middle of the day or 45 minutes at the end of the day.
To my surprise though, my son gets As and Bs with the occasional C. I tell his teachers when he leave earlier than 45 minutes at the end of school to send home everything he would miss so I can have him do it at home. He gets his homework packet done no later than Tuesday every week also. I knew that he was going to be missing a lot of school this year while we take him to these appointments to help him out, but his principal is not happy with how much school he is missing. I can't blame her. It is 2 months into the school year and he has missed (total) 4-6 days of school with all his appointments.
On top of all this I have at home things I am supposed to be doing (I forget sometimes) to help with his OT therapy. I was given one of those surgical scrub brushes that Drs use to "scrub in" for surgery and was told to use that on my son. I am to push it down firmly against his skin and "brush" his arms, hands, back, and legs at least 3-4 times a day. Then after I do that I am supposed to do joint compressions. I hold either side of his joints (hands, elbows, shoulders, hips, knees, ankles) and gently push the joint together. Both of these things are supposed to be relaxing to his nerves and help desensitize him from some of the sensory issues he has. I am not the best at remembering to do the things I need to do for myself and it is challenging to remember to do what I need to for my son. AND I am a full time college student and I work part-time. So with everything I have to do for my son and my jobs I still need to get my school work and homework done.
I love my son, I want all the help I can get for my son, and I really don't mind how busy I am now. I know that my son is happier now that he has been before, except for bedtime he is miserable. Its not easy, but its not hard all at the same time. I just know that one day he isn't going to need all this help anymore because he is going to have all the skills he needs to live a happy life without his ADHD and ODD taking over his life. And THAT is the greatest gift my son could ever have!
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| All the red is my son, and its only the first day of the month! |
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