It makes sense, you age then your parents and grandparents are aging as well. Just because it makes sense and that is the truth of the matter it doesn't mean I have to accept it.
This past week has been a serious slap in the face that my parents are getting up there in their age. My mom just turned 60 earlier this month, my dad is 58. Both of them have arthritis, my dad has had three back surgeries (plus numerous others) and my mom has diabetes and is starting to have nerve issues because of it. They can feel it in their bones when bad weather is coming. Both of them have issues walking because of everything 'getting older' in their bodies.
Then to add insult to injury my Grandmother was admitted to the hospital on Christmas for congestive heart failure. She is trying to play it off like nothing is wrong, but we hear differently in her voice when we talk to her. I grew up with 2 grandpas and 3 grandmas. Both my grandpas passed away before I was 17, one grandma died when I was 20, the other died earlier this year. All I have left is the one that is in the hospital as I type this.
I was extremely close to my dads dad, when he passed it hit me very hard. I was unable to even talk about it for two years without crying. My dads stepdad died when I was too young to even know what was going on. I remember him being very sweet and always sliming. My moms dad, I never knew and my mom didn't know him much either. My moms mom passed when I was 20 and I couldn't stand her. She treated me like dirt and I refused to accept how she treated me. My dads step mom passed this year and I never got along with her. She made it obvious that she didn't like me. I only went to her funeral out of respect for my grandpa. My dads mom is the last grandparent alive. I am not as close to her as I wish to be but I love her to death. I call her when I have the chance, I go see her when I have the chance. She is also the only great grandparent my son has ever known. He loves going over to her house because she always has candy out and won't let me tell him to stop eating it.
My grandma has one lung and it is only 1/2 functional. There is oxygen being pumped through her house. The summers are so hard on her. She can barely leave the house without getting weak. I called her this morning to see how she was feeling and I could hear the slight fear in her voice and how hard it was for her to talk. It hurt my heart. I live 15-20 minutes away from my grandma. I need to make a harder effort to see her once a week or once every other week. I don't want to feel like I could have spent more time with her like I did when my grandpa passed 12 years ago.
I want to rewind the clock so I have more time with everyone. I don't know how to imagine my life without my parents in it.
No comments:
Post a Comment