Sunday, March 31, 2013

Brought together by food

Crock Pot Dinner
Pot Roast

INGREDIENTS
1lb roast
dry dressing packets (ranch dressing, italian dressing)
dry packet brown gravy mix
carrots
potatoes
onion
salt
pepper
flour

DIRECTIONS
  1. Spray crock pot with non-stick spray
  2. cut onions into rings and place at bottom of crock pot
  3. Tenderize roast -- I punch mine to get out frustrations
  4. coat both sides of roast with salt and pepper. massage in
  5. coat roast in flour. place on top of onions
  6. cut carrots and potatoes into your desired size and put on/around roast
  7. mix all three dry packets with water making sure to get out clumps
  8. pour over roast
  9. cover and cook on high for 8 hours
  10. serve and enjoy!
Nutella Crepes
INGREDIENTS
For Batter
1c flour
2 large eggs
2Tbsp melted butter
3/4c milk
1/2c water
For Filling
1/4c Nutella
2 bananas, peeled sliced (optional)
confectioners sugar (optional)

DIRECTIONS
  1. Heat a 10'' nonstick pan over medium heat
  2. add enough butter to coat 
  3. 2tbsp crepe batter in pan, swirl to cover pan
  4. cook first side for 3-4min
  5. flip
  6. spread nutella down center of crepe
  7. add bananas
  8. cook 3-4 more minutes
  9. fold crepe sides over filling and place on plate
  10. top with more bananas and confectioners sugar
  11. repeat to make more
 Lasagna Rolls

INGREDIENTS

10-12 long, thin lasagna noodles
6oz Italian style chicken or turkey sausage, casings removed
1 bag frozen spinach
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
pinch of nutmeg
salt and pepper to taste
1c ricotta cheese
2c marinara
3/4c shredded mozzarella cheese

DIRECTIONS
  1. boil a pot of salter water
  2. add noodles and cook till al dente
  3. drain and toss with enough oil to coat
  4. while noodles are cooking brown sausage in large pan over medium heat
  5. add spinach, pepper flakes, and nutmeg
  6. cook till spinach is warmed
  7. season with salt and pepper
  8. remove and let cool slightly
  9. combine sausage with ricotta cheese in large mixing bowl
  10. preheat oven to 400*
  11. spread thin layer of marinara at bottom of 13''x9'' baking pan
  12. lay noodles on cutting board and cut each in half cross wise
  13. place large spoonful of spinach-ricotta mixture at end of noodle
  14. roll in tight package, but not so tight everything is squeezing out
  15. place rolls in pan as you complete each one
  16. top with remaining marinara and cheese
  17. cover with foil and bake for 15min
  18. remove foil and bake another 10min until cheese and sauce are bubbling
 Bacon Cheese Fries

INGREDIENTS

2 large russet potatoes peeled and cut into 1/4'' fries
1Tbsp olive oil
1tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp smoked paprika
salt and pepper to taste
1c shredded pepper jack cheese
4 slices of bacon cooked and crumbled
5 scallions chopped

DIRECTIONS
  1. preheat oven to 425*
  2. toss potatoes with olive oil, chili powder, paprika, salt, and pepper
  3. spread out on a rimmed baking sheet
  4. bake for 20min until deep brown and crispy
  5. top with cheese, bacon, and scallions
  6. return to oven
  7. bake until cheese is melted and beginning to brown
 Breakfast Hash 
with sweet potato and chicken sausage

INGREDIENT

2 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1/4'' cubes
1/2Tbsp olive oil
2 links uncooked chicken sausage
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
1/8tsp cayenne pepper
salt and pepper to taste
4 eggs, fried sunny side up

DIRECTIONS
  1. place potatoes in medium saucepan and cover with water
  2. bring to boil and cook until fork tender
  3. drain
  4. heat the oil in large cast iron or nonstick skillet over medium heat
  5. cut the sausage out of casing and squeeze meat directly onto pan
  6. throw away casing
  7. saute for 4-5min
  8. transfer to plate
  9. in same pan add the sweet potatoes and onion
  10. cook until potatoes and onions are browned
  11. return sausage to pan
  12. season with cayenne pepper, salt, pepper, and stir to mix
  13. divide among plates and top with fried egg
 Easy Peanut Butter Cookies

INGREDIENTS

1c peanut butter
1c sugar
1 egg

DIRECTIONS
  1. mix all ingredients in bowl
  2. form dough into balls
  3. flatten with sugar coated fork (dip fork in water then sugar)
  4. bake at 350* for 13min
 Deviled Eggs

INGREDIENTS

6 hard boiled eggs
mayonnaise
salt
paprika
mustard

DIRECTIONS
  1. cut each egg in half, remove yolk
  2. place whites of egg on plate
  3. in bowl mix yolk, mayonnaise, mustard, salt, pepper, paprika (i don't measure i go by taste)
  4. mix until yolks are as smooth as you like
  5. fill whites with yolk mixture
  6. sprinkle paprika on top
  7. enjoy
 Chocolate Chip Marshmallow Squares

INGREDIENTS

1c peanut butter
1/2c margarine
2 packages chocolate chips (milk chocolate or semi sweet)
1tsp vanilla
1 package mini marshmallows (colored or white)

DIRECTIONS
  1. Melt first three ingredients in sauce pan on stove top
  2. when melted add vanilla and marshmallows, mix well
  3. place in buttered 9x9 or 9x13
  4. place in fridge to cool and set
  5. cut into desired sizes and enjoy
 No bake Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies

INGREDIENTS

2c Sugar
 1 stick butter
1/2c milk
1tsp vanilla
2c oatmeal
1/2c peanut butter

DIRECTIONS
  1. Mix sugar, milk and butter in sauce pan, bring to boil for three minutes
  2. remove from heat
  3. Add vanilla and peanut butter, stir well
  4. add oatmeal a little at a time
  5. drop by spoonfuls onto wax paper, or pour into buttered pan
  6. put in fridge till cool
  7. enjoy


Saturday, March 23, 2013

What my future could have been

So my ex husband and his oldest daughter came over today to spend time with Booger. Booger and his sister are freaking nuts when they are together lol. So, we decided to take the kids to the park and today I got a glimpse of what my life would have been like if we had stayed married and I was still her step-mom. Before we get out the door Booger's sister decides she is hungry and gives me the puppy dog eyes followed by "I'm just so hungry, daddy has no money to take me to get food, and my grandma never has anything in the house to eat." So I tell her we can go to the pony keg and get a snack before we go to the park. So she and Booger get a bag of toys ready and we head out. 

The entire 3 minute walk to the pony keg Booger and his sister are sword fighting with me and their dad telling them no sword fighting until we get to the park. In the pony keg it took them 10 minutes to pick out the one thing they wanted. I spent another 3 minutes helping her dig through a purse of Easter eggs to find the one that had a dollar in it. We find the dollar, put all the egg back in her purse, and she says that she can't find the egg that had change in it. So, the purse gets dumped out and we go through every egg AGAIN! This time I find an egg with a dead worm wrapped around a piece of chocolate, TRASH! There was no egg with change in it, she put the change in her pocket. Onward to the park!

Booger's sister notices as we are half way to the park that he has a drink and she is now thirsty. So her dad gets her something to drink out of his car. Booger and his sister continue to sword fight while I say no sword fighting till we get to the park. I ended up taking swords away 30 seconds later We get to the park and within 3 minutes she has to use the bathroom. So I ask my ex if he wants to walk her back to go or if he wants me to and she promptly replies with "Never mind I'm good" then runs off to go play. Booger and his sister are running around the park like chickens with their head cut off for a solid 30 minutes. Then they end up in the sand pit and try to see who can dig the largest hole, in which one of the holes eats one of the swords so my ex had to help them find the sword before we could leave.

We start walking back to my apartment and the kids are screaming at the top of their lungs and blaming it on the other the entire walk home. By the time I sat down on the couch I was ready for a nap. I thought dealing with one hyper kid was tiring, I WAS WRONG! As tired as I was it was a great day. I wish I had more days like this.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Some dreams don't come true

I have known I wanted to be a mom since I was 9 years old, but I never saw myself as a single mother. Every time I pictured my future I saw the same thing. I was married by 20 and had my first child by the time I was 21. My second child would come when I was 23 and my third to follow when I was 25. My husband and I would both be college graduates and holding strong, meaningful jobs that we loved. We would be living in a 3 story house with 5 bedroom and 2 1/2baths. We would have a nice chuck of land, an acre or two with a fence going around the entire perimeter of the property, a garage with an "in-laws" apartment over it for when we needed help, and two Saint Bernard dogs. Every summer we would take 2 weeks for vacation, making a point to go to a different state every time. We would always do something romantic for each other on our anniversary and we would renew our vows on our 25th. Our kids would be good students and have after school activities they were involved in. We would go to Church every Sunday and our kids would be raised to know that sex is something to save until you have met that one person you were going to spend your life with. We would have family dinners every night and when my kids were old enough to help out in the kitchen they would help cook the meal. They would go to college and follow their dreams as far as they could go.

So far, my life is turning out nothing like I had hoped and imagined. I got pregnant with my son when I was 19. His dad and I hadn't even been a couple for a full 24 hours. I hoped that I could still have my dream even though it was ahead of schedule. I became a single mother three months before my son was born and I didn't hear from his dad until he was three weeks old. From there it was so sporadic but I always got back into a relationship with my sons dad when he did come back into our lives.

When my son was three months old I got pregnant by a guy I was seeing and ended up losing that baby three months into the pregnancy. Three months after that I got pregnant by a guy I was working with. I went full term with this pregnancy and had decided 7 weeks before the baby was born that I was going to chose adoption. The babies dad had already decided from day one of finding out that he was not the father and refused to accept the fact that I was pregnant. I never heard from him after calling to tell him I was pregnant.

I was still going back and forth with my sons dad until our son was four. When our son was four his dad and I got married. I thought I was finally working towards my dream future, but three weeks later is crashed down around my feet. My husband was talking to another girl. A girl he had never met in person, but he started telling her that he loved her and I heard it less and less each day. He finally moved out and moved to where she was from to be with her.

I started seeing someone else a few months later and I thought I would get my dream future again. I was wrong. Again. This guy was verbally and emotionally abusive, he was jealous of my son, he was controlling, he was a drunk, he broke up with me three times a week, and he was never affectionate towards me. During one of our "breakups" my husband moved back and said he wanted to fix our marriage. So I gave it another shot. It lasted three weeks and he met another girl he wanted to be with, so I decided to fix things with the boyfriend. That didn't get any better.

Eighteen months with my boyfriend I was finally starting to see that I was in an abusive relationship and I wanted out. I decided to move out of state to live with an aunt and go to college. I never expected my aunt to be worse. After a year with her I became homeless and was living in domestic violence shelters. Seven and a half months in DV shelters my dad told me to come home and I have been living with my dad since then.

It is now 10 years later and I still have not made my dream future a reality. I am scared to put myself out there because of how my ex husband and boyfriend treated me. I have trust issues and automatically assume that guys only want to hurt me. The good news is

I know I still have time to make my dream a reality. Even if it is a new dream.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

One foot in front of the other

I have been dealing with quite a bit lately and it is stressing me out more than I ever thought it would. For the first time in my life I have circles under my eyes. I never thought being in college was stressful until I started with the school I am in now. Normally when I went to school I had my mom to watch my son so I could do my homework and had a 4 hour round trip Metro ride. This time I am out of school by Noon, doing my errands, coming home for an hour before I pick up my son from school, and doing homework while my son's ADHD medication wears off. I am doing 13 credit hours right now as well. I have to prep a speech every week, doing English reading for a test the next day, do my math work, and study psychology. Sounds easy enough. Yet, I can't find any energy and I am stressed to the max. Next semester is going to be a heavier load with two of my classes online.

On top of that, a 'friend' of 15 years decided to flush our friendship down the toilet so she could make herself feel better about the crap going on in her life. She felt that it was necessary to spread lies about me on her Facebook page and bad mouth me to anyone who would listen. This time was different though because she was giving people my name. I feel free since deciding that I was no longer invested in the friendship though. But dealing with it the day it happened was really hard. I never really had many people I could call my friend but I feel more alone now than I ever have.

My son, with a whole 8 1/2 years of life behind him, has informed me once or twice that there are days he really doesn't like his life. How do you handle something like that when your kid says it? I know his life is not what he would like it to be. He rarely sees his dad, he has ADHD and can tell a major difference in himself when he is on medication and when he isn't. He has habits he wants to quit but doesn't know how, such as hitting himself or being able to be quiet for longer than 45 seconds when I ask him to be quiet so I can attempt to do homework. I can't afford to get him the things that he sees his friends enjoying or take him on trips/vacation like his friends get to go on. I would love to be able to wave a magic wand and give him everything he wants and take him everywhere he wants to go, but I can't. I don't expect him to understand that at his age, but I try to make things fun when I can.

I know things could be worse, and have been worse. But I am having a hard time finding energy and not feeling stressed to the max. I just have to keep reminding myself that things will get better. Things will start to seem easier. I will be able to do the things I would like to do. I just have to take everything one day at a time. I just wish the days didn't feel like they were 48 hours long.