I am at my breaking point and it makes me want to drink

For the past week I have felt myself get more and more stressed. It seems that no matter what I do I can't stop feeling beaten down. I am at my tipping point; my breaking point.

Stress #1
I am only six weeks into my semester and have already missed 13 class, with four more to miss before the semester is even over. Seven of those missed classes are in the same class, I have only made it to three of them. Miss more than six classes you are academically withdrawn and have to get permission from the dean of the department to be able to take the class again. In another class I have missed four days, and it's my language class. You miss class you are lost. I have missed four in a row, I missed an entire chapter and have a test when I go back to class on the chapter I missed. I have called my academic adviser twice and he hasn't called me back in four days.

Stress #2
I keep missing classes because of doctor appointments for me and my son. My son had a seizure in school, that was one missed class. He had an EEG, that was two classes. He had to see a neurologist, that was two classes. I missed two classes due to symptoms from my Pseudotumor Cerebri (PTC). I had to see a dentist to fix a botched root canal, that was two classes. I  saw my neurologist for my PTC, that was two classes. My sons school scheduled a last minute teacher in service day, no school for him, that was two missed classes for me. Between the 4th of October and the 22 of October I will have to miss nine more classes due to more appointments. I am a single mom, I don't have his dad helping me, I can't afford a baby sitter, my dad is asleep while we are in school because of his hours for work, and my mom lives 45 minutes away with no car.

Stress #3
My son has ADHD and ODD and was diagnosed just over a year ago. He was doing great with being on his best behavior until about a month and a half ago. Since then he has gotten angrier, more defiant, destructive, lies almost constantly, and seems to care less about how he acts. Just tonight when I attempted to go to bed I noticed there was a very strong smell in the bedroom. When I walked in he woke up (pretending that he had been asleep until then) and I asked what that smell was. He said he had no idea. I went to go turn on the light next to the bed and stepped in a large wet spot. He said he didn't know how that happened either. I turn on the light and see water all over my books next to my bed, the large wet spot on the floor, and hand sanitizer on my bed. He still swears up and down he didn't do it. I told him to just tell me the truth, but if he kept lying he was grounded from the computer for the rest of the week. As soon as I said that his face got red, he sat up and leaned over the side of the top bunk, and as loud as he could shriek started going off on me about how he is tired of being told he is lying when he didn't do it. Then he laid down and covered his head with his blanket. I said if he didn't do it then someone must have broke into our room, put the sanitizer on my bed and water all over my books, and then snuck out before he ever noticed what was going on. The look on my sons face was completely empty like he had just shut down and put up the Berlin wall. He hadn't acted like that since he was put on his medication. Yeah there are times where he gets mad or frustrated then starts punching himself in the leg and smacking the shit out of his face. He has done that since he was five. It is not fun being scared of your own child.

Stress #4
Trying to figure out if college is even worth it with how the past six weeks has been going. Or if I should just drop out and give up on something else and work meaningless jobs making barely enough to get by.

I don't know what to do, but my frozen strawberry daiquiri that I have had in the freezer for two years sounds really good right about now.

The shit side of laundry

There is one thing that I am sure most mothers are terrified of when it comes to cleaning up after their children. At least I know I am terrified of this. It is.........



DOING THE LAUNDRY!!

Especially if you have boys. I am not sure how it goes with girls, but washing my sons clothes is a horror story all in its own right! I never know what I am going to find or if something is clean or dirty.

There is the sniff test, if you can handle it. Just grab their clothes and take a whiff. If you feel the need to gag they are dirty, but how do you know that you aren't going to get a nose full of piss or something worse?

If the clothes are in the bathroom or scattered around the living room then it is just a bet that those are dirty. If not, they are going to be getting washed anyways.

When it comes to my son it is usually just safer to throw everything in the basket if I am not sure. I saw "When in doubt just wash it!"

I am the most terrified when it comes to reaching in the basket to put the clothes in the washer. There have been more than one occasion where I have stuck my hand in something brown. My son, when he has an accident, instead of cleaning things up will just hide the soiled item under the rest of the dirty laundry. What makes it worse is when it doesn't go away in the washer, but you don't know that until you open the drier and are hit square in the face with that awful smell.

My son helps out with his laundry if I do it while he is home, but there are those days I try to get it done before he comes home from school. I think I need to learn to only do it while he is home so I can save my hand, my stomach, and my sanity.

Hello, my name is Tiana and I am afraid of my sons dirty laundry.