Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Its the most wonderful time of the year!

Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday. Ever since I can remember I have dressed up and gone trick or treating every single year. At 18 I was going with my friends, 19 I went with friends and their 9 year old sister. Then at 20 I had my son, how was only 3 months old, but I took him. At 28 years old I have NEVER missed trick or treating. This year I almost did though. My son didn't want to go because he got scared last year. So, I told him this year we would avoid the houses that scared him and go home as soon as he asked. We made it an hour before he was asking to go home.

My son had a Halloween party at school today and since they couldn't go in their costume I had to go to his school around noon to get him in his costume, do his hair, and his make up. I figured why not do my make up as well. The past 8 Halloweens I have gone as "mom" with some Halloween themed headband on. This year I went with full face paint and couldn't have been happier. It was my first time ever attempting to do what I did.



 The first kid that saw me when I was in the school office said I looked freaky. SCORE! I got to his class room early. The kids were still at recess but two other moms were already in the room setting up for the Halloween party. One of the moms acts like I don't exist, which is fine by me. I am a good 8 years younger than most of the moms. The other mom said she had to do a double take to figure out who I was. Score again! My glasses were the only thing that gave away who I was lol. As the kids started piling into the classroom I got an array of looks. Some were intrigued, some were scared, some were trying to figure out who I was, and others asked me if I was X's mom. I had one kid refuse to walk past me. Score! Finally my son walked in the room and I got  "Oh that is so cool mom!"

So while we were waiting for the 4th grade to finish in the bathroom with changing into their costumes we played a game with marshmallows. They had a marshmallow and a straw. Without using their hands they had to ploy the marshmallow to a plate about 6 feet away and get the marshmallow on the plate. There were some very competitive 3rd graders in that class room! Finally it was time to get changed into their costumes. Kids were grouping around me and my son as I was doing his hair and makeup. They were pretty impressed.



After everyone was dressed and ready to go it was time to line up for the parade. K-5th grade would walk from the school, to the fire station three blocks away, and back. You have never seen so many kids in costumes all in one place. There were some pretty awesome costumes in that crowd! My son decided not to follow on the parade so we waited in the classroom until they got back. Then it was snacks and crafts time! They made a bat, ate eyeballs, and had a contest to see who could name 16 different types of candy without touching them, smelling them, or tasting them. There was a little piece they got to look at to see if they could figure it out. My son came in third and got a Star Wars pens as his prize.



I loved the fact that out of all the parents that showed up for the parade and the class parties I was the only one that 'dressed up'. I was the coolest parent in that school. The teachers had themed costumes as well. From what I could tell the 2nd grade teachers were punk rockers, the 3rd grade teachers wore solid colors with a party hat on and a letter on their chest (not sure what they were) and the staff wore footie PJs.


After seeing me scare two more kids with my face paint my son finally decided that its ok to go trick or treating because Mommy will scare people away. It was so funny because they turned down the hall we were walking in and actually stopped in their tracks and started backing up while repeating "scarey, scarey, so scarey." I honestly did not think my makeup was scarey at all. Maybe it was a combination of the makeup and the wig. All I know is I had an amazing Halloween and can't wait until next year!



Monday, October 29, 2012

Happy, calm, peaceful.

I haven't written an update about my son in a while and thought today would be a good day to due just that. He has been on his medication for two months now and he is doing pretty well on it. Still having some issues with the sleep,but nothing like it was before. He has not 'blown up' at me since either. He is still having moments where he gets so frustrated that he hits himself, but it is so much easier to calm him down when that happens.

He has been doing so well with his Social Worker that we are going down to 2 visits a month instead of 4. His Social Worker is very impressed with the changes that my son has made and I am as well. On the days where I forget to give him his medication I can see a MAJOR difference in him. I knew things were bad, but with him being so much more calm it never really hit me just how much a difference the medication was making. He is so hyper, off the wall, and uncontrollable when he is off the medication.

We decided that we would put him back on his ritalin as well. However, instead of 5mg at 4pm I cut them in half and he gets 2.5mg at 2pm. That was he is still focused when I am trying to get him to do his homework but it has worn off by the time bedtime gets here. The nurse from his school gives it to him as well.

I am still having MAJOR issues getting him to eat at school. My dad and I took him to the store to pick out his own lunchbox and other things to pack lunch in, I buy food I know he will eat, the nurse has granola bars I gave her for him to eat at lunch, and he still isnt eating. When I packed his lunches he would come home not having eaten anything that I packed. I have got to get him to stop losing weight or we have to change his medication and that is not something I am looking forward to. In the past 2 months he has lost at least 8 pounds and 6 or 7 of those were in the first month. He is at his 'normal' weight now, but to me he looks so thin. I am used to him having a small pudge tummy and 'thunder thighs'. Now he has what I call chicken legs and the tummy pudge is gone.

My mom did make a suggestion to me though. I could make him 'milkshakes' with ice cream, protien powder, peanut butter or fruits, and fiber. Then he could have those for break fast. I think its a great idea, but I think milk/dairy is what is causing him to still get croup at his age. Next Monday he sees an allergy specialist for me to find out what food he is allergic to so I know what to stop giving him and he should stop getting croup after that. I guess I could always use soy ice cream and soy milk to make the 'milkshakes.'

He is doing great in OT therapy as well. They are working on building his muscles in his core, arms, and shoulders. They are always working on his handwriting. He has gotten so used to writing in a mix of upper case and lower case that when he has to write everything in lower case he freezes and shakes because he can't remember how to do it or how the letter is supposed to look. They are going to start working on his sensory and motor issues with brushing his teeth. He hates the feeling of the bristles on his gums and has a slightly difficult time figuring out how to hold the tooth brush depending on the teeth he is trying to clean.

Other than all of this we are doing great at dealing with this. My son is happy, aside from being teased at school, and things in the house are finally calm. I am so happy with myself that I finally got him tested. For those that are on the fence about having their kids tested, take if from me and DO NOT wait!!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Old people need to be retested.



It should be a law that once you hit a certain age you must retake your driving test. The age I usually feel this should start at is 65. Once you are 65 you should retake your test yearly. Then, at 70 and beyond you need to retake that test every 6 months. Not only do they need to retake the test they also need to have a vision test every 6 months.  For some reason most people over the age of 65 seem to have completely forgotten how to drive.

They either drive too fast and swerve everywhere or they drive way too slow and hit the breaks every 100 feet. Then you get the ones that are scared out of their pants if they have to merge onto the highway. The will literally stop in the on ramp at times (I have seen it happen more than 5 times).

Have you ever noticed that elderly women will have their seat so far up they are practically hugging the steering wheel but then they also pull themselves forward to have their chins almost touching the steering wheel?

I have found a few charts that prove my point. Drivers are the worst from 16-22 and 65+ I will share them now :)



And by 2030 almost 25% of the driver on the road will be 65+

Sunday, October 14, 2012

God loves the LGTBQ people, it is NOT a choice, and they are not treated equally



I have read and heard so many Christians talking about how the LGBTQ community are mentally unstable, being pushed by Satan, fighting for rights they already have, doing nothing but starting fights, forcing people to live in sin, and so many other things. It makes to sick to my stomach. I am a Christian and I would NEVER talk so negatively about someone just because they are different than me. Christians like them are exactly what they are preaching against. I am also getting sick and tired of seeing that the LGBTQ community is only pushing for same sex marriage rights. There are over ONE THOUSAND rights they are denied because of whom they chose to love. So below I am going to talk about some scriptures that are being interpreted to fit "Gay is a sin" people, show an image of a brain scan, and talk about some rights that are denied. I also will include (at the bottom) the links of where I found everything.  

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him.
Therefor God himself is a little gay. God created man (the human race) in his own image. Yet there are people out there that have completely twisted this around to fit how they want it to fit. 

1 Corinthians 6:11 - "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." 
Clearly spoken about homosexuals, they will inherit the Lords Kingdom, meaning they WILL go to heaven. Sinners don’t go to heaven, so obviously LGBTQ people are NOT sinners.

Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable" (Leviticus 18:22) and "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads" (Leviticus 20:13).
Back then women were mans property and viewed as weak. All this meant was that one man should not treat another man as they did women. No man should be treated as property or weak. This means NOTHING about homosexuality.

Brain scans have provided the most compelling evidence yet that being gay or straight is a biologically fixed trait.
The scans reveal that in gay people, key structures of the brain governing emotion, mood, anxiety and aggressiveness resemble those in straight people of the opposite sex.
The differences are likely to have been forged in the womb or in early infancy, says Ivanka Savic, who conducted the study at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden.
"This is the most robust measure so far of cerebral differences between homosexual and heterosexual subjects," she says.
Previous studies have also shown differences in brain architecture and activity between gay and straight people, but most relied on people's responses to sexuality driven cues that could have been learned, such as rating the attractiveness of male or female faces.



Here are some of the legal rights that married couples have and gays and lesbians are denied: 
  1. Joint parental rights of children
  2. Joint adoption
  3. Status as "next-of-kin" for hospital visits and medical decisions
  4. Right to make a decision about the disposal of loved ones remains
  5. Immigration and residency for partners from other countries
  6. Crime victims recovery benefits
  7. Domestic violence protection orders
  8. Judicial protections and immunity
  9. Automatic inheritance in the absence of a will
  10. Public safety officers death benefits
  11. Spousal veterans benefits
  12. Social Security
  13. Medicare
  14. Joint filing of tax returns
  15. Wrongful death benefits for surviving partner and children
  16. Bereavement or sick leave to care for partner or children
  17. Child support
  18. Joint Insurance Plans
  19. Tax credits including: Child tax credit, Hope and lifetime learning credits
  20. Deferred Compensation for pension and IRAs
  21. Estate and gift tax benefits
  22. Welfare and public assistance
  23. Joint housing for elderly
  24. Credit protection
  25. Medical care for survivors and dependents of certain veterans

An Overview of Federal Rights and Protections Granted to Married Couples
There are 1,138 benefits, rights and protections provided on the basis of marital status in Federal law. [1] Because the Defense of Marriage Act defines "marriage" as only a legal union between one man and one woman, same-sex couples - even if legally married in their state - will not be considered spouses for purposes of federal law.
The following is a summary of several categories of federal laws contingent upon marital status.

Social Security
Social Security provides the sole means of support for some elderly Americans.  All working Americans contribute to this program through payroll tax, and receive payments upon retirement.  Surviving spouses of working Americans are eligible to receive Social Security payments.  A surviving spouse caring for a deceased employee’s minor child is also eligible for an additional support payment.  Surviving spouse and surviving parent benefits are denied to gay and lesbian Americans because they cannot marry.  Thus, a lesbian couple who contributes an equal amount to Social Security over their lifetime as a married couple would receive drastically unequal benefits, as set forth below.
Family Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
  • Family #1: Married husband and wife, both are biological parents of the child
    • Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
    • Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
  • Family #2: Same-sex couple, deceased worker was the biological parent or adoptive of the child
    • Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
    • Not Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
  • Family #3: Same-sex couple, deceased worker was not the biological parent nor able to adopt child through second-parent adoption
    • Not Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
    • Not Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits

Tax
According to the GAO report, as of 1997 there were 179 tax provisions that took marital status into account.   The following is a limited sample of such tax provisions.

Tax on Employer-Provided Health Benefits to Domestic Partners
In growing numbers, both public and private employers across the country have made the business decision to provide domestic partner benefits in order to promoted fairness and equality in the workplace.   For example, as of August 2003, 198 (almost forty percent) of the Fortune 500 companies and 173 state and local governments nationwide provide health insurance benefits to the domestic partners of their employees.  Federal tax law has not kept up with corporate and governmental who take advantage of it are taxed inequitably.
As policymakers have put an increasing emphasis on delivering health coverage through the tax code and as the cost of healthcare has once again begun to skyrocket, the current inequities in the tax code have placed a burden on the employers who provide healthcare coverage to domestic partners and on the employees who depend upon these benefits to provide security for their families.
    1. Burden on Employees
Employers who provide health benefits to their employees typically pay a portion of the premium – if not the entire premium.   Currently, the Code provides that the employer’s contribution of the premium for health insurance for an employee’s spouse is excluded from the employee’s taxable income.  An employer’s contribution for the domestic partner’s coverage, however, is included in the employee’s taxable income as a fringe benefit.
    2. Burden on Employers
An employer’s payroll tax liability is calculated based on their employees’ taxable incomes.   When contributions for domestic partner benefits are included in employees’ incomes, employers pay higher payroll taxes.  This provision also places an administrative burden on employers by requiring them to identify those employees utilizing their benefits for a partner rather than a spouse.  Employers must then calculate the portion of their contribution that is attributable to the partner, and create and maintain a separate payroll function for these employees’ income tax withholding and payroll tax.  Thus, the employers are penalized for making a sound business decision that contributes to stability in the workforce.

Inequitable Treatment of Children Raised in LGBT Households
Recent data shows that at least 1 million children are being raised by same-sex couples in the United States.  The Code contains competing definitions of “child.”  Certain provisions of the Code defining child penalize for the marital status of their parents and caregivers.
    1. Earned Income Tax Credit
Eligibility for the earned income tax credit (EITC) is based in part upon the number of “qualifying” children in the taxpayer’s household.   See 26 USC § 32.   The definition of qualifying child under this provision includes only a child who is the taxpayer’s (a) biological child or descendent; (b) stepchild of the taxpayer; or (c) adopted child.  Certain children of lesbian and gay couples are disadvantaged by this provision.  For exampled, a taxpayer and their partner domestic are jointly raising the partner’s biological child.  The taxpayer works full-time and the child’s legal parent stays home to care for the child.  The state in which the taxpayer resides does not permit them to adopt through second-parent adoption or to marry the partner and become the child’s step-parent.  This working family is therefore ineligible for an adjustment of the EITC, and therefore has decreased the resources to devote to the child’s care.
    2. Head of Household Status
Heads of household, as defined by 26 U.S.C. § 2, are eligible for an increased standard deduction that, among other things, provides taxpayers with increased funds to care for their dependents.   The “limitations” section of this provision explicitly denies the benefit of head-of-household status to taxpayers supporting non-biological, non-adopted children.  Thus, a gay or lesbian taxpayer who supports his or her partner’s child (and who is ineligible to adopt the child) has fewer post-tax dollars with which to support the child.
    3. Child Tax Credit
Taxpayers meeting income eligibility requirements are entitled to a credit against tax for qualifying children in their households.   This provision limits the child tax credit to children who meet the relationship test set fourth in the earned income tax provisions, § 32(c)(3)(B).  As set forth above, § 32 does not include children of a taxpayer’s domestic partner if the children are not related to the taxpayer biologically or through adoption.
All three of these inequities have the effect of penalizing families who choose to have one parent in the work force and the other caring for the children full-time.   In addition, they disadvantage such couples and their children by limiting the choice of which parent will be a full-time caregiver.  Although similarly situated married couples may choose which parent will fulfill that role without consequence, lesbian and gay couples, as well as other unmarried couples, face negative tax consequences for the same decision.

Tax on Gain from the Sale of the Taxpayer’s Principal Residence
Under Internal Revenue Code §121, a single taxpayer may exclude up to $250,000 of profit due to the sale of his or her personal principal residence from taxable income.   Married couples filing jointly may exclude up to $500,000 on the sale of their home.  Lesbian and gay couples, who are not permitted to marry or to file jointly, are therefore taxed on all gain above $250,000, creating a large tax penalty compared to similarly situated married couples.

Estate Tax
Internal Revenue Code § 2056 exempts amounts transferred to a surviving spouse from the decedent’s taxable estate.   For same-sex couples who are legally barred from marriage, this exemption is not available, creating an inequity in taxation.

Taxation of Retirement Savings
Under current law, when a retirement plan participant dies, plan benefits must be distributed in a lump sum or remain in the plan to be distributed in accordance with the minimum distribution requirements of § 401(a)(9).   This problem does not exist if the beneficiary is the deceased participant’s surviving spouse, because the surviving spouse may transfer plan benefits to an IRA or a retirement plan in which he or she is a participant.  This entitlement is valuable because (a) it allows the surviving spouse to defer taxation of the proceeds, often until the survivor is in a lower tax bracket; and (b) it protects the surviving spouse from being forced to withdraw from an investment program when its value is depressed.  Because gay and lesbian couples are treated as strangers under federal tax and pension law, they cannot transfer plan benefits without incurring significant penalties, and do not have the flexibility to withdraw funds when they choose.  The example below demonstrates this inequity:
Michelle and Sarah have been in a committed relationship for over 10 years.   They have registered as domestic partners under the laws of the District of Columbia.  Throughout their relationship, they have taken every legal step available to formalize their relationship and protect themselves, legally and financially as domestic partners.  Michelle participated in her employer’s 401(k) retirement plans, naming Sarah as the primary beneficiary.  Sarah purchased an individual retirement account (IRA).  While driving to her job, Michelle is killed in a car accident.  Sarah does not have the option to transfer Michelle’s 401(k) funds into her existing IRA because, under current law, only a “spouse” may roll over 401(k) and inherited IRA plans upon the death of a plan participant.  Sarah must then take the entire proceeds of the inherited 401(k) in a lump sum and pay taxes on them immediately at a much higher rate, rather than rolling it over into her own name tax free as a surviving spouse can do. 

Family and Medical Leave
The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) guarantees family and medical leave to employees to care for parents, children or spouses.   As currently interpreted, this law does not provide leave to care for a domestic partner or the domestic partner’s family member.  Family and medical leave should be a benefit for all American workers.

Immigration Law
Currently, U.S. immigration law does not allow lesbian and gay citizens or permanent residents to petition for their same-sex partners to immigrate.  Approximately 75% of the one million green cards or immigrant visas issued each year are granted to family members of U.S. citizens and permanent residents.  However, those excluded from the definition, under current immigration law of family, are not eligible to immigrate as family.  Such ineligible person include (but are not limited to) same-sex partners and unmarried heterosexual couples.
Each year, current law forces thousands of lesbian and gay couples to separate or live in constant fear of deportation.   In some cases, partners of lesbian and gays face prosecution by the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS), hefty fines and deportation and U.S. citizens are sometimes left with no other choice but to migrate with their partner to a nation whose immigration laws recognize their relationship.  This creates a tremendous hardship, not only for those involved, but for their friends and family, and leads to a drain of talent and productivity for our country.
Fifteen countries: Australia, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Iceland, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, South Africa, Sweden and the United Kingdom recognize lesbian and gay couples for the purposes of immigration.

Employee Benefits for Federal Workers
According to the GAO Report, marital status affects over 270 provisions dealing with current and retired federal employees, members of the Armed Forces, elected officials, and judges.   Most significantly, under current law, domestic partners of federal employees are excluded from the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program (FEHBP).  Although married couples are eligible for reimbursement for expenses incurred by a domestic partner are not reimbursable.   As of August 2003, nine states and the District of Columbia and 322 local governments offer health benefits to the domestic partners of their public employees, while the nation’s largest employer – the federal government – does not.

Continued Health Coverage (COBRA)
Federal law requires employers to give their former employees the opportunity to continue their employer-provided health insurance coverage by paying a premium (the requirement was part of the consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act of 1985; hence the common name COBRA).  An increasing number of employers, including 198 of the Fortune 500, now offer their employees domestic partner benefits.  Although this trend is encouraging, the Federal COBRA law does not require employers to provide domestic partners the continued coverage guaranteed to married couples.  Under 29 U.S.C. § 1167, an employer is only required to offer continuation coverage to the employee and to “qualified beneficiaries,” defined as the employee’s spouse and dependent children, regardless of whether the employee’s original benefits plan covered other beneficiaries.  Because of the narrow definition of “spouse” under federal law, employees are not guaranteed continued coverage for their domestic partners. [2]

[1] Defense of Marriage Act: An Update to Prior Report, General Accounting Office, 2004
[2] Nothing in this law prevents an employer from extending COBRA benefits to domestic partners.


Monday, October 1, 2012

No one said it would be easy!

As most of you know, my son was recently diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. Some things have gotten better while other problems have arrived. He has been on his medication for three weeks now, but I did stop giving him his Ritalin. His pediatrician said that 5mg of Ritalin at 4pm was way too late and said to stop giving it to him. I have decided, though, to buy a pill cutter and try giving him 1/2 a dose because the ODD showed its head again when I took him off it. Not as bad as it was, but he hits himself when he is frustrated or not getting his way. I have also noticed that while he is doing excellent in school now he has the HARDEST time falling asleep at night now.

He has always been the type of kid to fall asleep quickly. Ever since he started his medication it takes him hours to fall asleep now. Yesterday I had to let him cry himself to sleep and it was horrible. I, thankfully, had my dad keeping me strong. I couldn't let him cry himself to sleep when he was a baby without my parents pretty much barricading me out of the bedroom and its not easier when they are older. He only cried for 15 minutes last night which was a blessing.

I decided to use my Kindle to help him sleep, and at times it works. I will put on Jeff Dunham (my son is obsessed with J.D.) but put the kindle where he can't watch it and only hear it. Usually he falls asleep before its over, sometimes he falls asleep right after it ends. My son can now quote, word for word, 5 minute segments of his shows. I have tried having him listen to music on Pandora, but he has the weirdest musical taste and that made using Pandora very difficult. I was the type of kid that had to have noise to sleep and was like that until I was 21. So, its no biggie when I have something on for my son if it helps.

Another thing I knew would happen, but didn't expect, was how busy I would get with all the appointments my son would have to help with this (I am going to attach a picture of this months calender at the bottom of the blog). He sees a Social Worker 1x a week to talk about whats going on and get tips on how to work on his problem areas. He sees a Dr. 1x a month about his medication and all that good stuff. He goes to OT therapy 1x a week (except right now its more like 1x every other week) to work on his sensory issues and all that. He has a speech therapy evaluation coming up to see if he needs speech therapy. His mouth works faster than his mind and he stumbles to get out what he wants to say or repeats himself until he knows what he wants to say. If he needs speech therapy that will be another 1x a week thing. On top of that he is in school (3rd grade) and missing class for all these appointments, and he is in Cub Scouts 3x a month. With me not having my own car (I used my dads) I only have a car to use until 4pm M-Th and 2pm F. So if my son isn't missing an hour and a half in the beginning of the school day he is missing 2 hours in the middle of the day or 45 minutes at the end of the day.

To my surprise though, my son gets As and Bs with the occasional C. I tell his teachers when he leave earlier than 45 minutes at the end of school to send home everything he would miss so I can have him do it at home. He gets his homework packet done no later than Tuesday every week also. I knew that he was going to be missing a lot of school this year while we take him to these appointments to help him out, but his principal is not happy with how much school he is missing. I can't blame her. It is 2 months into the school year and he has missed (total) 4-6 days of school with all his appointments.

On top of all this I have at home things I am supposed to be doing (I forget sometimes) to help with his OT therapy. I was given one of those surgical scrub brushes that Drs use to "scrub in" for surgery and was told to use that on my son. I am to push it down firmly against his skin and "brush" his arms, hands, back, and legs at least 3-4 times a day. Then after I do that I am supposed to do joint compressions. I hold either side of his joints (hands, elbows, shoulders, hips, knees, ankles) and gently push the joint together. Both of these things are supposed to be relaxing to his nerves and help desensitize him from some of the sensory issues he has. I am not the best at remembering to do the things I need to do for myself and it is challenging to remember to do what I need to for my son. AND I am a full time college student and I work part-time. So with everything I have to do for my son and my jobs I still need to get my school work and homework done.

I love my son, I want all the help I can get for my son, and I really don't mind how busy I am now. I know that my son is happier now that he has been before, except for bedtime he is miserable. Its not easy, but its not hard all at the same time. I just know that one day he isn't going to need all this help anymore because he is going to have all the skills he needs to live a happy life without his ADHD and ODD taking over his life. And THAT is the greatest gift my son could ever have!

All the red is my son, and its only the first day of the month!