I was on probation as a teenager. I thought I was a teen that was above the law and made many stupid choices. My probation officer was a God send. He was the most important part in me becoming who I am today. I am not sure where I would have been, or who I would have been if it had not been for him. He saw the good in me, and that is something that I felt like nobody ever saw in me. He made sure I knew that I was important, special, and meant for something else. My probation officer had amble opportunities to have me thrown in the detention center, but he kept giving me "second" chances. He saw things in me that I never saw in myself. I will admit that at first I hated the fact that I was on probation, but instead of trying to work the system, I let the system work me. And did it ever!
I never got away with what I did, but I accepted the fact that I was wrong. My probation officer had me do classes with other probationees. I had to do a serious offenders class with quite a few people I went to High School with. I never felt like I belonged in that class though. Those kids had been arrested with far more serious crimes than I. Yet, I paid attention and I learned. Even though I enjoyed what I did, those around me did not. I was hurting myself as well as everyone that cared about me. I had broken the trust in faith of those that I cared the most about. But more importantly, I let myself down.
My probation officer showed me that my life and my future were important to him, and made me see that it was important to me as well. I was an angry, sad, depressed, and hurting teenager who was hurting myself even more every time I committed a crime. I want nothing more than to be able to help other kids and teenagers see in themselves what my probation officer helped me see in myself. They are worth an amazing future. They CAN be anything they set out to be. I am sure that the kids of now feel the same way I did ten years ago, worthless, unloved, angry, upset, let down, and like they mattered to no one.
It has been ten years since I have been on probation, but I think about my probation officer every single day. I still call him, email him, and visit him as much as I can. I make sure he knows how important he was and still is to me. It is so much easier for a kid to hear positive and uplifting things come from someone who is not family. When we hear it from family, and we are already hurting, we think they are just saying those things because they have to. Hearing it from someone else makes it true. Then you have those kids that have no one to say those things to them, or they have family that feels the need to remind them of how "worthless" they are, and those people could not be more wrong!
I went to the Cincinnati Job Corps Center, and to be honest I hated most of my time there. I only went there because I needed somewhere to sleep. Circumstances came up to where I was not invited to live where my mom was moving. So I signed up to insure that I had a bed to sleep in and meals to eat. What I did not expect were the kids that I was going to school with. The center was for 16-24 year olds who had either dropped out of High School or were on the verge of dropping out. I already had my GED, but I was going to learn a trade. I learned so much more than a trade at that school! I learned how many of those kids were just dying on the inside. I was like the "Mom" that those kids needed or never had. I was the one person they knew they could talk to about anything, and I would never lie to them or tell them what I thought they wanted to hear. I talked so many of them off the proverbial ledge many many times the entire nine months I attended that school. I learned that a few of them were at the center because it was either go to CJCC, or go to Juvy. They gave me even more inspiration than I already had. I was the unofficial "counselor" at that school. They felt safe talking to me because I was one of them, and I had gone through similar things. They had an easier time talking to someone that had been arrested and on probation, than someone that had never been in trouble their entire life, yet had a degree to help them.
I am currently going to school for Criminal Justice, and can not wait to get my Associates Degree! After I obtain my degree I plan on going back to school for my Bachelors in Psychology and Sociology, as well as work my way to my PhD in Psychology. I want to make sure that I have ever single tool available to help these kids of today and tomorrow. I know that having a Juvenile record is not ideal when you are looking for someone to work as a Juvenile Probation officer, but I know with all my heart that this is what God wants me to do. The kids will have an easier time talking with me and working with me knowing that I have been in their shoes. I thought the same thing as a teenager, "How is someone who has never gotten in trouble with the law supposed to help me turn my life around?" I hated having someone who put themselves on a pedestal with their degree in my face telling me what I needed to do. I can not wait until I am able to be the one to help them. It is my calling and my passion. I just pray that someone else sees in me what myself and God see in me. I can and will be an amazing probation officer. I can and will be the person that the troubled youth can talk to and trust.
No comments:
Post a Comment