May 21, 2013
Dear Ellen,
My
name is Tiana (like Diana) Smith and I am a 29 year old single mother of an amazing
9 (on July 29th) year old son. My son is my rock and my world. If it
wasn’t for my son I probably would have lost all sense of myself years ago. Anyways,
the reason I am writing is I want to find a way to help my dad. For the past
two years, almost two and a half, my dad has been letting me and my son live
with him. I haven’t been able to work pretty much the entire time that we have
been living here and I am going to school full time. So my dad is letting us
live here rent free. As long as I keep the apartment clean, which is rare,
and I do as well as I can in school he doesn’t mind letting us live here.
Before my dad let us
move in my son and I were stranded in Arizona. I had originally moved out there
August 2009 to get away from an abusive ex-boyfriend and went to live with an
aunt. My mom and son drove out 4 months later when my mom lost the house. What
we didn’t expect was for my aunt to be so much worse than my ex-boyfriend. My
aunt would call the cops on me every time she got mad at me. She threatened to
kick me to the curb 4 times before my mom and so moved in. She would tell my
son that everything bad that happened was my fault. She tried to talk my mom
into changing her will so that when my mom died my aunt would get custody
because I would “destroy every chance my son had at living a healthy and happy
life.” She would bully me, get in my face (like noses touching) and yell at me
over everything, she would tell me it was my sons fault every time her dogs
almost bit him, and she would tell me that I was worthless and would never
amount to anything.
On the
one year anniversary of me living with my aunt she was arrested for knocking my
mom flat on her behind and put my mom in the hospital. The next day we moved
into a homeless shelter. I got kicked out of the shelter a week and a half
later and lived on a friends couch for almost 2 weeks. My mom and son got
kicked out of the shelter a few days after me and found a second shelter. About
3 days after I found another DV shelter to go to my mom calls me, panicked,
because her and my son got kicked out of their shelter and they had nowhere to
go. My shelter allowed me to have my son with me (my mom had custody of my son
at this time) so he wasn’t on the street and my mom found a shelter for
herself. Two and a half months later my son and I were told that someone found
us at the shelter and threatened my life, so we had to find another shelter
again. My mom was at a new shelter by this point and talked them into making
room for me and my son. So we spent three months at the same shelter as my mom.
By this point we were no longer considered victims, our time was running out,
and we would have had to find a homeless shelter with room (there were none) or
sleep on the streets. My dad found out and told us to come home. That was March
21, 2011 and we have been with my dad since. My mom found a way home a few
months later.
It
originally was supposed to be a temporary thing, until I got my on my feet,
then about 9 months after moving in he said we could live with him until he was
no longer around to live with. If I have my way then my dad will live until my
son has lived a full life. My dad is more than willing to financially support
me and my son as much as he can, and I do my best not to ask for money. I try
living off of my food stamps, refund checks from college, and child support
(when I get it) from my ex-husband. I hate asking my dad for money. On top of
that he is still trying to help my mom out financially even though they have
been legally separated for 7 years and he tries to help his girlfriend as much
as he can.
Since living here my dad has missed work due
to a hernia repair surgery (last year) and being diagnosed with viral meningitis-encephalitis
(this year). His job is working him to the bone as well. He works every single
day, only getting every other Sunday, major holidays, and his few vacation days
off from work. His boss runs him ragged and refuses to hire another person that
knows how to do what my dad does. There are supposed to be, at minimum, two
people in my dad’s department, and his boss refuses to hire anyone else.
It hurts my dad just to
walk. He has had around 3 back surgeries, screws in his back, gallbladder surgery,
a back surgery that went through his neck, arthritis surgery and if the doctors
get their way they want to remove the entire bone in his thumb since his arthritis
came back so bad, and a hernia repair surgery. There might be more, I just don’t
remember them all. When I was younger and possible before I was born, the job
he had at the time was fixing/repairing pinball machines, cigarette machines,
pool tables, etc. and during one of the jobs, when he was in his 20s, he
actually fell down a flight of stairs and had the pinball machine fall on top
of him. A few years ago he slipped on the ice falling off the stoop at his
girlfriends and snapped the screws in his back (resulting in one of the
surgeries). I hate seeing my dad in this much pain and its 24/7. He wakes up in
pain and stays in pain even while sleeping. When he does get more than a day or
two off work in a row he gets sick. His body finally has time to relax and he
gets sick because he is no longer pushing his body to make it through work.
We can’t afford a
bigger apartment, without me being able to work, so my son and I are sharing a
bunk bed in one room. He doesn’t want to own a house because of the yard work
and financial responsibility for upkeep either. His van is close to dying on
us. It needs a new transmission, we haven’t had a working A/C in three years,
the driver’s seat has springs sticking out that rip and shred our pants, and
the gas gauge no longer works either. We won’t fix anything on the car because just
fixing either the transmission or A/C would end up costing more than buying a
decent used car. My dad doesn’t complain about it though. It gets us from point
A to point B still and that is what counts.
The only time my dad
really buys anything for himself is when he gets his Christmas bonus or his tax
return. I would love to see my dad be able to take more time off work, get his
health under control, or even take a vacation. It kills me that I can’t find
work because I don’t drive or have my own car. Plus going to school and not
being able to afford a babysitter makes it very hard to help out financially. I
know people out there have it much worse than us and deserve help more than us
but I just want to help my dad. My dad has been so amazing to me and my son and
I pray that one day he can retire. He needs it not only mentally but physically
as well. I am a major daddy’s girl and it kills me to see him like this. Every
time he gets sick I take care of him. Taking care of him when he is sick is
easy, make him lay down as much as I can, keep fluids in him, and make him soup
when he is hungry. Taking care of him when he is in so much physical pain is
harder. I can’t do anything except make sure he goes to the doctor when it gets
so bad he can’t take it.
I just want to help and
I don’t know how to help so I am reaching out to you. God Bless you and keep up
the amazing work.
Much love,
Tiana Smith
https://www.facebook.com/tianasmith1984
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