I am a birth mom

I know everyone has their opinions when it comes to what I am about to talk about. That is fine with me.

I am a birth mom.

I was 21 years old with a 10 month old little boy. I slept with a co-worker who was in a relationship. Nothing went very far, honestly. After 30 seconds (literally only 30 seconds) I decided that sex was a bad idea and I told him to get off of me and go home. 30 seconds is harmless right? Bull Shit! I had gotten pregnant. Wait a minute…. I am pregnant after 30 seconds? How the fuck did that happen? I was too stupid to make him wear a condom.

How am I going to explain this now? I took the test that came up positive. I had my brother take me to my mom’s job to tell her. She started crying and asked me “why?! Why would you do this!?” Yes mom, make me feel worse than I already am. But apparently I wasn’t feeling bad enough about being pregnant again because I called my co-worker to tell him. That was fun *cough*! He called me a liar, told me there was no way it was his because he heard rumors that I was sleeping around (I absolutely was not), he has never been to my house, he has never hung out with me after work, blah, blah, blah, then he hangs up on me. I am in tears by this point. Not only was I pregnant when I didn’t want to be, I was pregnant by some douche that refused to man up. Not even 45 seconds after he hangs up on me my cell phone rings. It was his mother! Let the fun commence! Her son has never hung out with me, her son has never spent the night at my house (which he did twice and I had my parents and brother as witnesses that he was there all night) because he has been home every night since I started working with him, I am just trying to get attention, I was a whore, I was harassing her son, if I didn’t stop lying she was going to call the cops on me for harassing and stalking her son… it just went on and on with her. I was ready to dig a hole and climb in.

Not only was I pregnant I still had to work with him. My co-workers took my side on things and would tell me to take him to Maury to prove him wrong, and would tell him they told me that. What made work hell was when he would have his friends come in while I was working and call me nasty names in front of my customers. I heard “whore, slut, home wrecker, desperate, liar, demented, crazy, stalker” I cannot even remember the other names.  After a month of this I decided to quit.

The next few months were pretty uneventful. I was not really connecting with my unborn baby and began to get curious about adoption. I was already a single mom. My parents had custody of my son. I was living with my parents, sharing a room with my son. I had no job, no car, no money, no insurance, and my child was not going to have a dad. I really did not want that kind of life of her (I knew it was a girl by this point) so I asked about adoption. I was working with a lady through child focus for my son, and her boss was adopted. She brought this up to her boss and her boss got me the name and number of an adoption lawyer.

Even though I only had 7 weeks left of my pregnancy I called the adoption layer and set up a meeting to meet with her. I made up my mind that if I had not found her parents by the time I had my first contraction I was going to keep her .I wanted her to have a better life, but I refused to let her be put into the system and become a ward of the state. The lawyer was up for the challenge. She helped me make my “birth mom portfolio” and showed me portfolios of parents looking to adopt. I looked at a few and found one family I was interested in. They were interested until they found out I was bi-polar (which ended up being a misdiagnoses) and backed out. This happened two more times. Then on February 14^th, 2006 my lawyer called and said that a family had flown into town to meet with a birth mom who was due months after me and wanted to know if they could meet a mom who was due sooner. My lawyer instantly called me and of course I would meet with him. I read their portfolio and fell in love with them (the on paper them) and was looking forward to our meeting. We met on February 17^th, 2006 at Olive Garden. They let me pick where I wanted to eat, and they paid for the meals. My mom, my son, my lawyer, and I enjoyed a great meeting with them. We were there for close to three hours. I instantly fell in love with them. Scott reminded me of a giant teddy bear, and Lisa looked like she was oozing “mommy” of course they still had to meet the other mom. I told my lawyer they were my daughters parents and do not let them leave the state!

Around 8 at night my lawyer called and said they wanted to adopt MY baby. I was over the moon. I found my daughter parents! I was due on March2nd, so I had time to get to know them and square things away. I though. I lay down in bed around 10. I had to sleep in my parents bed, my bed was a mattress on the floor so if I laid down I was NOT getting back up while being pregnant. Plus my dad worked nights so he didn’t mind if I took his spot till he got home and went to sleep.20 minutes after my mom and I lay down I ask her “how do you know if you are having a contraction?” Her reply was “it feels like a vice grip on your spine.” Followed by me… “Ok I just had one… I think.” Just two hours after I find out my daughter had parents I go into labor. God had his hand it this 100%. My original plan was to have the baby stay in the nursery and Scott and Lisa visit her there. I did not want to see her because I knew if I did I was going to change my mind and keep her, I could not do that to them. They were unable, for 7 years, to get pregnant. That is not what happened at all!

My lawyer took the new parents out to lunch while I was in surgery (I have to have c-sections with every child), my mom was going to stay with me but the camera battery died so she went home to get a new battery, and the nurse had other moms to help. So I was in the recovery room alone with my daughter. They all knew it was an adoption so they pushed her bassinet behind my head to honor the fact that I didn’t want to see her. Only problem was, she was crying her little head off. What kind of bitch would that make me if I just let her cry until someone came in the room? I was numb from my chest down, thanks to the spinal, so I reached my arm behind me and felt for what I was praying was the part where they blanket over lapped.  I grabbed as much blanket as I could and “craned” her over to my chest. I had my eyes closed while trying to calm her down. I couldn’t resist and peeked. Damnit! She was adorable and I was in love. That changed EVERYTHING!

My daughter was in my room every single day. Her parents would show up around 7 in the morning every day and stay with me until I was ready for bed, which was normally around 3am because I cannot sleep in hospitals. When they would leave they would take her to the nursery so I could get as much sleep as possible.  When I woke up three hours later I would get her from the nursery and it would continue like the day before. Because her parents were from out of state my mom and I would tell them the amazing places in Cincinnati that they had to try (skyline, gold star, frishes, buskin, udf, larosas pizza, and smoothie king) and when they would leave to go try one of these places they would bring me something back. I never once had to eat hospital food, thank God!

Her parents asked me what I would have named her if I kept her and I told them it would have been Annaleigh Dakota. Dakota was in honor of a lifelong friend of my aunt who was full blood Native American.  They ended up changing her first name but kept Dakota because of how much it meant to me. I wanted an open adoption and they were fine with that. They promised to send me pictures twice a year and keep me updated on how she was doing. They helped with the bills I had accumulated while off on maternity leave, and they paid for my hospital bills. They were so grateful that I blessed them with a daughter that when they left they bought me a necklace and bought my son a toy phone. They are my family now. I told them the day I was released from the hospital that I knew the moment I meant thShe will be 6 next month and it feels like this just happened. I do not ever regret my decision to put her up for adoption, but some days it is harder for me to handle everything. She is in the best life she could have right now and thriving. I did this out of love. I loved her enough to give her the life I wanted her to have and knew I was never going to be able to give her. My biggest fear is that she will think I didn’t want her, which is not true, and that she will never want to meet me. I pray that when she is 18 she will want to meet me. I miss her so much. I think about her ever day. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her and pray she is doing amazing.

em she was no longer my child. God had me carry her for them, they were her parents and always were from the second I got pregnant, and we just had to find each other first. I never thought it would make them cry, but it did.

I am a birth mom.