My baby is mine again!!

Today I got the BEST birthday present ever! Yeah it is two months early but who gives a shit! After 6 ½ years of trying to get custody back of my son I GOT IT!

But to start from the beginning of the story, I had issues with post partum depression for months after my son was born. It was borderline post partum psychosis. I could not stand to be around my son when he needed anything. The crying made me feel like I was going to flip out. I would sleep through the night and make my dad come get my son and get him back to sleep. When I was home alone with him I would run to the gas station while he was napping. I had to fight to urge to put my hand over his mouth to make the crying stop. This lasted for 8 months and looking back I cannot believe I was THAT mom.  I have been so ashamed of my past actions as a mother. As my mom has reminded me many times over the years, I am not that mother anymore. I am a mama bear through and through.

2005ish

Well, back 6 ½ years ago my mom and I took my son to the pediatrician to have his 6 month check up and had brought up how I was feeling to see if it was normal or not. She said it was not normal and after I left she called CPS. I get home and CPS comes knocking on my door just to see what was going on. They check and see that everything is fine. When I was having my bad moments I would tell my parents to take him so I could walk out of the room and calm down.

2006ish

A week later my mom had gotten mad at me and called CPS saying, “I am kicking her out but I am nervous about the baby.” Exactly one week after that we were in court and I had my life ripped out from under me! My parents were granted temporary custody of my baby. MY BABY! I went through 96 hours of killer pain and a c-section to have this baby and they TOOK him from me. I may not have wanted to be around him but he was MINE!

October 2010

That resulted in a downward spiral from me. I wanted to punish my parents for doing this to me, mainly my mom. I would not feed him, bath him, wake up for him, watch him alone, or anything that my mom asked me to do. You wanted to baby then YOU DO IT! Yes, that was going to teach her! After my months long pity party I started to miss my booger butt. I turned things around. I was doing what he needed his mommy to do for him. I may not have been 100% there, but I went from 10% there to 75% there. That was enough to make my mom happy.

June 2010

I was trying to do what I thought CPS wanted me to do so I could get him back. I started seeing a counselor, I was taking anti-depressants, I was going to school, I had a job, and I had stable housing. Yes I still lived with my parents (my mom kicking me out was an empty threat) so that was stable. When my son was 2 ½ I filed to get custody back, got all the papers I needed to prove I was doing everything needed. CPS had not contacted me in 2 years and when I called them they said my case was closed. Ok, I am good as gold! I am getting my son back! BULL SHIT! The lady from CPS was there listening to the judge read my petition for custody, my mom was sitting next to me, I had all my papers on the table in front of me, the judge looked at me and opened his mouth.. he asked the CPS lady if she thought I was doing what needed to be done to get him back. “No, your honor, Ms. Smith is not doing what needs to be done. I do not think she is yet fit to take care of this child.”  Are you kidding me bitch! You have not seen me or talked to me in two fucking years! How the mother fucking hell would you know what I was doing and not doing!!!!! My mom had to put her hand on my arm to keep me from actually screaming that across the court room. My world had gone from being pulled out from under me; it was now crashing to a dusty ash all around me. I didn’t understand what I had done that was so wrong for her to hate me enough to keep my son away from me. Yes, I did some crappy things but I was not as bad as most of those “crazy” moms with PPS or PPD.

December 2009

I just wanted to give up. Why bother? That was about to change in 2 ½ years, but I didn’t know it. Things went as normal until August of 2009. That is when I moved to Arizona to live with my aunt and had to leave my son with my mom. I thought I was going to die. I cried myself to sleep every single night; I could not talk about him without crying, I would cry when he didn’t want to talk to me on the phone. He was 5, all he knew is that mommy was gone and she wasn’t coming home. When he did talk to me all he did was cry, and that devastated me. He didn’t know that within four months he and mamaw were going to be moving to Arizona to live with us. December 2009 my mom and son were in Arizona and I could not have been happier. I did EVERYTHING that I should have been doing from the start. I was there for him 110%. Who knew all it took was not being around him for four full months.

Halloween 2010

Now it was time to start preparing my case again to get custody of my son! I was in school, I was going to counseling, I was taking my meds, I had a job, I had a place to live; same as before. What I did not anticipate was how fucking hard it was going to be to file for custody in a different state from where it was done the first time around. So I waited until we got back to Ohio. I have been in Ohio for 10 months living with my dad. I am grateful to my dad for letting us stay with him. I have been breaking my back to get the money to file for custody, and then my mom gave me the money to file for it.

We had our first court date one week before Christmas. Ok, this was good. FUCKING HELL! My husband had NOT been served. Since he was not served nothing could happen in court. I tried my best to keep it all together in front of that judge. That didn’t happen. I was bawling like a baby. Wait; did he just say what I think he did?? “Well, since your parents do not object to this, I see no problem why you should not be granted custody once the father is served.” SWEET!  All I had to do was wait a month to make sure he got served, go to court, and custody is mine!

AZ Science Center 2010

The day before court my husband tells me he is going to ask for weekends through a court order. NO THE HELL YOU ARE NOT! You have not been there in YEARS do not think you are getting weekends with him! Much to my surprise he did not ask for that at court. He told the judge he was fine with me getting custody. THEN he shocked me even more after court. He asked if we could do visitations outside of a court order to keep our son out of a custody battle.  Umm… huh.. um.. wow.. yeah we can do that. But no overnights!

I am on cloud nine right now! I have waited so long to have custody of my son. I no longer have to get a notarized note from my parents just to take my son to the hospital, or to drop off a fucking cup of piss before a surgery! My baby is mine again! He is all mine! I tried to give him an hour long hug after he got out of school, but he said I was getting girl germs on him so I had to let him go watch tv. My baby is MINE  again!

Easter 2009