Monday, July 9, 2012

19 and pregnant


          Now, David and I knew we were pregnant the day after the conception but we didn't know if we were ready to tell my family that we knew. His family knew; his family knew everything about everyone; it was my parents we were afraid to tell. Three weeks after David and I had gotten together David ended up moving in and we lived with my parents. David wasn't able to drive at this point, he had his license taken away for something that slips my mind right about now, so I was the one that drove him everywhere. He ended up getting a job at a gas station working third shift so I would take him to work and go home and get some sleep. He would then call me an hour before his shift ended and let me know if he needed a ride home or if he was going to catch a ride from someone else. Only a few times did he get a ride from someone else, most of the time I was awake anyways and would go get him, but it always seemed to be that the person bringing him home was an ex girlfriend. I was none too thrilled knowing that he was going to be brought home to me, his pregnant girlfriend, by someone he used to sleep with. It also seemed to take him hours to get home because he would go back to their place and hang out with them. If I text him about my concerns he would tell me to get over it, that he was friends with all of his ex’s and that was something I was just going to have to deal with. He would get home 2-3 hours after his shift ended.
          We were talking about getting married and moving in to our own place together, so I knew we needed to tell my parents soon that we were pregnant. I was scared to death. I knew my parents would be upset, they did not really trust David. So one day while my parents were in the living room watching TV David and I walked up to them and told them we needed to talk. We had told them we were planning on getting married; my dad’s reaction still amazes me. My dad’s reply was “are you pregnant?” and he chuckled. The silence was deafening. After 10 seconds of silence my dad just looks up me and David and shakes his head. My mom not paying much attention to the conversation has no clue what is going on and asks what we are talking about. My dad told her David and I were having a kid and my mom started laughing thinking it was a joke then looks at my face. I swear my mom was going to faint once it sunk in. She turned shades of green and white. Needless to say my parents were not happy about their jobless 19 year old getting pregnant by a guy like David. I was already a month along so there was really nothing to do.
          It didn’t take David long to decide that this relationship was not for him. We had been spending time at his Dads house and were sitting at the kitchen table talking to his Dads girlfriend. He texts me and tells me he needs to talk to me, but not while we were at his dads. So I convinced him to step outside to talk. That is when he tells me that he can’t be with me because he is still in love with his ex. He thought he was over her, but he can’t get her out of his mind. Mind you, his ex was locked up in an insane asylum for trying to kill herself and he had no idea when she was ever going to be getting out. I was devastated. All I could do was go inside to get my things and leave. I am still surprised to this day that I made it home safely. I was a hysterical mess and it was raining outside. I was crying so hard that I could barely see. I managed to drive the hilly curvy country roads home though. I ran inside still sobbing, ignoring my parents request to tell them what was wrong and I slammed the door shut to my room. I proceeded to grab everything that was David’s and throw it into a box. My mom came in and asked if I wanted a hug and I said I wanted my dad. My dad was standing right behind her so he moved to where he was in front of me and I just broke down again. I couldn’t believe that David has chosen a nut over me and his child. I was so tempted to either throw his stuff in the dumpster or wait till it stopped raining and burn everything. Instead I stupidly text him and told him I was brining him his stuff and that I never wanted to see him again.
          So I went to his dad’s apartment and text him telling him that I was outside. He came out acting like nothing had just happened and tried his best to get me to smile. I just glared at him the entire time he was trying to talk to me. He kept saying how we could still be friends for our kid, and that everything would be ok. He tried to tell me that it wasn’t that he didn’t love me, but he just couldn’t get over his ex. I couldn’t stand to look at him and just told him to go to hell, got in my truck, and left.
          The next few months would be a roller coaster. David would convince me to take him back just to leave three weeks later over and over again for 6 and a half months. He would never break up with me in person either. He always did it in a text message or over the phone. The last time he called the home phone to break up with me and my mom ended up telling him that she was sick and tired of him doing that to me and to stop calling me until our son was born. So for the last 2 and a half month of the pregnancy he and I had nothing to do with each other.
          Before my mom put a stop to our contact David and I had a name picked out for our son, everyone had known the names we had picked out. The name was not something I was 100% comfortable with so I completely changed our sons name after we stopped talking. I also planned on giving my son my last name and not his fathers. I prayed and hoped that David would just forget about me and my son and planned on raising my son completely by myself. I was going to be a single mother no matter how hard it was. My son didn’t need anyone except me. I was GOING to make this work!        

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